Girl's advice needed!

[Elia]

Hi, 

Everyone is welcome to join the conversation of course but this subject is mainly oriented to girls. Because I see a lot of posts for guys on how to be successful with the opposite sex but i haven't seen a lot of advice for women

Ladies, my question is, how did you get successful with your man? How can a modern day woman find men who are kind, mature, and relationship material. Most of the men i have met in my life were not interested in a relationship, but were just looking for a sex friend. This saddens me because many times i did wish to have a relationship with them but they never had any emotions towards me. 

I am also not attracted to many guys and all of the ones who i do feel attracted to  are not interested in me. It is very frustrating. 

I tried tinder but this app feels like a scam mostly. I do go out in bars occasionally (rarely) but these places are emotionally draining for me and the non stop small talk feels very boring. 

I also never get approached by men. And so i decided i didn't want to wait around for nothing to happen so nowadays i approach men spontaneously because if i don't do this, i know from experience nothing will happen. I ask for small things like, what is the time? or; where can i find this place? And I always hope that the guy will continue the conversation afterwards but every time he will just answer my question and that's that.  

Any advice ?  

[Jordan94]

First thing, about finding guys that are open to relationships, for me personally (I'm a guy) usually I would be open to a relationships or at least meeting again, if the girl is attractive enough for me, so contrario to what many people would think/say where if you get prettyer/sexier you would get more guys for fun but not for serious realtionships, I think it's totally the opposite, and you can see it easily around, for most guys the more pretty the girl is the more down they would be to get in a exclusive relationship

One other thing to consider and that can help to understand the whole situation here really well, is that, as a girl, you can easily have sex with guys that are above your 'level' (of attractiveness), but obviously that's not gonna be the case for a realtionship, to illustrate the point, let's say a girl A is '6' (on a subjective scale of attractiveness)

A as a '6 girl' can easily have sex with guys who are '8', at least some time, but she can have for a boyfriend only guys who are '6' (or bellow)

For a guy this would not be true, a guy B who is '6' can not have sex with girls who are '8', he can mostly only have sex with girls who are '6' (or bellow), and he can also mostly only have a girlfriend that will be '6' or bellow

So in the end it's fair in both gender because they will be able to get in relationships only with partners who are close to their level of attractiveness (actractiveness doesn't mean necessarly only looks), but there is an unbalance in the way that a girl could have sex with guys that are 'higher' than her without too much trouble, whereas as guys, most of the time, a guy could if things go further well get into a relationship with a girl he had sex with, at least way more easily/often then girls (still depends on the guy/girl personally obv), and that's because of the above point

 

 

So in the end if you want to get the guys that you are attracted to which are not attracted to you, which obviously are also more attractive to girls in general, you need to become more attractive yourself and once you'll be an 8 yourself in terms of attractiveness as a girl, you'll be able to get a 8 boyfriend easily

 

And for that, attractiveness as a girl, to be honest it's just mostly about looks (which does not mean that just looks will make two people match in terms of personality/chemistry and then be good in a relationship together, that's a whole other point, but for attractiveness as a girl to a guy it's a loooot about looks), which is not the case for guys, where looks will be, let's say randomly, 5-20% of the attraction, as a girl it'll be more like 65-90%, so most of the advices for guys to become attractive for girls is gonna be quite irrelevant and not effective for you, as well as the idea that it's mostly about improving your personality/being/comportement, which is true for guys but will be way less relevant and effective for girls

So most of the game for you is to improve your looks basically, better fashion/clothes, better makeup (there's for sure a shitton of tutorial/content on youtube or whatever for that), better body (aka gym/diet), that's it really

[NoSelfSelf]

Its ten times easier with guys you just have to be hot and playful thats it ?

[Devi Shanti]

@Elia  If you want a materially oriented man, follow @Jordan94 's advices and be sure that he will soon be tired of you (as beautiful as you are, there will always be more beautiful women around), and you will be tired of him because one day physical attraction is not enough anymore.

But, if you want a real deep and valorous relationship, first review your life, think seriously what is important for you and see if you are working on strengthening your values, if your practice matches that. Where are people who shares your same values? what are they doing? where are people who you admire? go there and become a person who you admire!
Enroll in a course of self improvement, go to yoga classes, look for a sat sang in your city, a meditation group (if you do like these kind of things). Make a social circle of people who you admire and have things to share with. Make good friends. Who knows if a friend of a friend can be a nice boyfriend?

Honestly, for me, the less interesting guys are in the bars and pubs with a beer cup in their hands looking for the sexiest woman or at least for someone who accept to have sex occasionally. If you want a "kind, mature, and relationship material" one, forget this pickupish thing, and meet real interesting people according to your values. Its pretty much easier that someone who doesn't look so "hot" improve his appearance than someone narrow-minded turn in a full of spirit person. Even if muscles are something important for you, then look for people who takes health seriously. Health is a really sexy thing.

Hope this is useful
Good luck!

Edited February 28, 2019 by Devi Shanti
orthography

[NoSelfSelf]

@Devi Shanti guys fall in love through their eyes girls through their ears thats how it is...i think you are mixing attraction phase vs deep relationship phase...to attract more guys looks has to improve then she will have more options...

[Shin]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Devi Shanti guys fall in love through their eyes girls through their ears thats how it is...i think you are mixing attraction phase vs deep relationship phase...to attract more guys looks has to improve then she will have more options...

I don't find that to be true anymore.

Sure I'm aroused from a really hot woman, but if she isn't extremely conscious, a relationship is out of the question.

It's just not enough, there needs to be way more than just a nice body for having romantic feelings.

 

[Aeris]

5 minutes ago, Shin said:

I don't find that to be true anymore.

Sure I'm aroused from a really hot woman, but if she isn't extremely conscious, a relationship is out of the question.

It's just not enough, there needs to be way more than just a nice body for having romantic feelings.

 

tends to agree, though, I can find both, omg I cannot think of anything but her, a yellow ones, who will flourish quickly coral if she go with me.

I really need to attract her it was such magic * reading more books on attraction * * throw the books * * what's the point * * use the hearth * * open another books * * meditate *

 

Edited February 28, 2019 by Aeris

[Jordan94]

Being able to attract the guy is not the same as having a good relationship, as I actually said it's not because there's attraction in both person that it's sufficient to get a good relationship, that's a whole other point

But if you're strugling with having options or having the guys that you like be interested in you, then yea improving your looks is the way and that's how it is

Meeting guys in places where you are more likely to share values/interest is a great advice thought

But again if the guys are not attracted/interested in you it's gonna come back at improving your attractiveness first, and saying that guys who're into looks are not worthy/bad personality or what is just a joke, it's quite normal for both guys and girls to be more attracted to more attractive people, nothing crazy or unhealthy there

[Devi Shanti]

Nothing against being physical attractive; everything against making this the focus of a search for a partner.

We don't need many options to choose, thats not important. Much better than quantity is quality. If I work hard on being an amazing person, I believe I deserve an amazing partner and I can be selective. As selective you are, as selected people will appear for you. You define your criteria (and fit to it!), then things happens naturally.
This process can take a little more time (or much more) than go on picking up and having sex here and there or getting on brief and frustrating relationships, but its a good choice. This is life. If you want to eat some corn, plant it and harvest some in a few months, but if you want a noble wood, plant it and wait for some years until you can get it.

I only say these things because its my life experience, its not simply theoretical thingy. I know, although, each person has to live her/his own experiences to grow. Anyway, this is my advice: be your best, find the best partner.

Edited February 28, 2019 by Devi Shanti

[NoSelfSelf]

@Shin Ok if shes fat and has bad hygien and has buddha like conciousness and leo on steroids understanding then it will be alright? No...you wont find that girl in next 10years because she will be more picky than you...

[Shin]

8 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Shin Ok if shes fat and has bad hygien and has buddha like conciousness and leo on steroids understanding then it will be alright? No...you wont find that girl in next 10years because she will be more picky than you...

I didn't say that, she needs to be sexy too ?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Shin See if shes not sexy you are not interested thats what im talking about you can have amazing partner(developed)but if shes not sexy deep down you will think shes not the best option and when shes not the best option then you are fooling yourself and the other person...

[Charlotte]

Raise your consciousness and listen to your intuition (when dating)

They say like attracts like. I've found this to be true if you look underneath the surface. 

Hang out in places that you like, workshops, retreats, seminars etc. I'd straight off the bat say get rid of dating apps. 

Also travel... 

@Shin (?)

[Aeris]

8 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Raise your consciousness and listen to your intuition (when dating)

They say like attracts like. I've found this to be true if you look underneath the surface. 

Hang out in places that you like, workshops, retreats, seminars etc. I'd straight off the bat say get rid of dating apps. 

Also travel... 

@Shin (?)

why no dating apps ? in what's different, what about very introvert people ? they don't diserve to be loved ? one of my friend find his girlfriend on a date apps and my mum too, she is happy almost since 6 years with a dating apps.
I find this very dogmatic to be against dating app, I've been myself for a while against those kinds.

yes 90% of people there are materialistic, but humans are anyway.
I would understand why dating apps are not the futur of love, there is no difference between electrical connection and "real connection" if so, why we all keep speaking on a forum instead of opening real room with coffee and irl self talk. that would be more real aswell.

 

[Charlotte]

@Aeris Chill dude. It's my opinion... No 'right' or 'wrong' about it.

Also I think you've misunderstood me.

I'm not 'against' anything, I'm simply referring back to the OP's thread on a personal development forum. I would (I might be wrong) of guessed that not many people that are into self actualisation or spirituality would be using them apps.

[outlandish]

I'd like to remind all the guys on here that OP is specifically asking for girls' advice.

We males tend to overwhelm this forum, let's sit back a bit and let the ladies talk a bit eh? I think we could all learn something by giving some space here 

( I recognize that I'm being a hypocrite as a male posting this )

[Aeris]

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

@Aeris Chill dude. It's my opinion... No 'right' or 'wrong' about it.

Also I think you've misunderstood me.

I'm not 'against' anything, I'm simply referring back to the OP's thread on a personal development forum. I would (I might be wrong) of guessed that not many people that are into self actualisation or spirituality would be using them apps.

was chill hahahaha, it was 20% of my capacity for ranting

[Charlotte]

@Aeris why rant when you can love ☺️❤️

(Back to topic, sorry OP)

[Elia]

 Hi everyone, thank you for your advice, actually I am happy to see the different opinions on this;  from the women as well as the men on this forum. It is interesting to hear your perspectives. 

 

 

[Elisabeth]

 

On 28. 2. 2019 at 1:17 AM, Elia said:

Ladies, my question is, how did you get successful with your man?

 

Every relationship I ever had started from common hobbies. I was an astronomer, a go-player, a sci-fi fan, and someone in that group got interested in me. It took a few months (or at least a few encounters) until a relationship developed. 

I was never on the search for a partner, it just happened. I probably have a natural 'filter' for guys who are into relationships, not just sex, because it takes me a while to develop an attraction.

Edited March 2, 2019 by Elisabeth