Why are you searching for a hot girl/guy, when you know that you are them. You can’t join the girl/guy unless you realise that you are them. Penetration/receiving will never work.  For you to pickup a girl/guy, you must first assume that there is somebody else who wants them? Who is that? Who are you? If you inquire long enough, you realise that there is no you. There is only them. And in that is peace. End of searching. Why go after them, when you know that you are them, and there’s no you.  Pickup your true identity: there is no you. Become her/him. That is true joining.