Solitude

[Cosmic]

Hello, I haven't posted anything in this forum for a while. How has your day been? I hope your day has been well. As the title suggest, I'm in a state of seclusion.

I've had negative experiences in school with teachers, students, and my acquaintances. In 11th grade I was depressed and took 2 weeks off. I made a  psychiatrist write a note to excuse me for my absence and neglected seeking further help.  Beginning of my last year I took online homeschooling and graduated in 2017. I took 1 year off after graduation to take a break from school. I was trying to self improve myself, but I've had negative experiences in my room.

I have no friends and only one of my family members are helping me. I only go outside my house on the weekends as that's when my mom's days off are. I wanted to learn to drive so I can go to the library and take walks in the park as it's depressing at home. I passed my driver's knowledge test and I have a practice permit. My mother has only been teaching me to drive on the weekends for months, and I'm still in the process of learning.

I've been secluded mostly in my room for 3 years and developed social withdrawal. I'm ashamed that I cannot be productive in a job, or creating a career. This has made me more depressed in my self-worth, lonely and unloved. I am now seeking further help starting with this forum.

[Markus]

@Cosmic Good luck <3 

[Nahm]

@Cosmic Well alright then. I’m glad you made that all important choice to be willing to acccept help, and to know that these things which are presently troubling can be changed. You will be feeling much better. Can I ask ‘from the ground up’, where you’re at presently with the foundation? ...

How’s you sleep? Are you going to bed at a reasonable time, or staying up really late? Are you getting up nice and early, or sleeping in late?

And how about your diet? Are you cutting out sugar, flour, carbonated beverages?

 

[Nervtine]

 

I relate to your topic starter quite a bit. Even down to stuff that happened in 11nth grade, having awful experiences with people and online schooling-though mine took place in 2016.  

I spent the last three years mostly holed up in my room too, and gosh, I know how much in can be a drag. It can be very hard to have no friends- I still don't have any myself. But I challenge you to recognize this as a misunderstood opportunity. You don't have those people to distract you from social development yet. And trust me, when you find a real friendship, you do end up having less time. No one wants to wait for them, but I must stress that the wait is worth it. 

I am glad to hear you have at least one family member helping you. I'd never wish it on anyone to know what it feels like to not have that like I have. We are never truly as alone as we feel, I think that's important to remember. 

Walks and the park and going to the library sounds like a perfect day to me. But in the mean time while that isn't possible, let's focus on bringing something that will make your life better into your room. 

You mentioned feeling like you couldn't be productive in a job or create a career. Stop me if I am wrong in assuming this, but it sounds a lot like I may be talking to someone who also has depression. This stopped me for a while too-mostly that everpresent good enough feeling did me in for a while. 

Back on bringing something in your room- I would defiantly start looking for your life purpose and how that can be physically manifested. Look where your natural talents lay and capitalize on them. Even if you don't feel you have any, start working on building some. The first step at being truly amazing at something is to be a complete failure at it. You do have an internet connected device, so you have the capacity to research what you want to do. Honestly, I can't help but be a little envious: Finding your life purpose is one of the most rewarding part of personal development, and is a journey you (usually) only take once.  

And I relate all too well with social withdraw. I've been in a state of that most my life, and have never fully conquered it. Work on trying to connect with people in the physical world- a good way is going to the library, joining a club or even getting a gym membership. Online relationships can be very good, but people who are present there with you is the most fulfilling. And know you aren't alone in this struggle, as I am in the same boat. Here's to hoping luck for both of us. And hopefully this weekend will find both of us self reflecting on a stroll in the park this weekend with a bag full of books. 

 

 

 

[okulele]

@Cosmic  How about just taking walks? Like that you can start socializing very, very slowly. Just nod at somebody or say 'hello'. It seems very little, but it can be a great starting point.

Maybe there are some groups gathering where you live through portals like Meetup? I know that sometimes groups like 'The Socially Awkward' are being created and it seems really fun. It might not be for you, but you could try it out.

What about getting a pet? Maybe a dog, which would keep you company, you would have to take care of him/her and also you could easily connect with other dog owners.

Finally, just open up to the world a little. Open up to the possibility of meeting people. Just opening up in your mind is a start

[EnlightenmentBlog]

JUST DO IT!

There is no other way. It will be painful but it's worth it.

I feared doing pickup. Nevertheless, I went out there and talked to girls. Did I suffer. Yes.

I mumbled my words, I was extremely uncomfortable, my heart was racing and I thought

I would faint. BUT I did it. And the payoff was huge. I felt great. I was finally facing my fear.

The pain of not taking action will grow even bigger, so do not put it off.

Good luck! 

[Dumb Enlightened]

Understand that you don't feel bad because you have no friends, or solitude, etc... You feel bad because you believe these things to be bad. I am slowly losing touch with all my friends, but it's my choice, and I am feeling better and better each day, I still talk with them once in a while, but I rather be alone and silent, I have to talk to people every day because I am a teacher, but, I don't want connections with anyone. 

However, when I was a teenager I suffered very much, my situation was exactly like yours, I had very few friends, and didn't have a girlfriend (although I wanted very much), I had depression for years because of that, eventually I managed to make friends, became more sociable, got many girls, but deep down I was feeling worse. In the end I found out that I was suffering because I wanted to be like everybody else. I accept who I was, changed my beliefs about what's good and bad, and today I'm free. I can make friends if a want to, or I can stay home doing nothing, either way I'm alright.

I suggest you to go really deep in your feelings and find out what beliefs you have about the world, and life. You probably believe that friends=happiness, so if you don't have friends you must suffer. Change this belief, later you can develop yourself and make some friends, but if you don't deal with this belief first, it won't matter.