sick and tired of being sick and tired

[28 cm unbuffed]

ok so to keep things simple and not to talk too much, this post is a crying for help post 

to keep things simple, i finished leo's life purpose course and what i got from that is that the only thing that would make me happy and would let my ego go is to become modern day leonardo da vinci (for me it is to become enlightenment + being a figure like Childish Gambino, Tyler the Creator or Kanye West (virtuoso artist) and becoming "the best of both worlds").  

i have vision board, i'm doing exercises everyday and trying to keep my everyday life in check, but i'm not even sure if these are not the things so far out there and if life purpose like that is not too much to ask for, where i'm 28 years old right now and i have no experience in photo editing, making music, video making, drawing, ANYTHING AT ALL, and yet - that's the only dream keeping me alive.

 i'm lost

am i fooling myself thinking that this kind of dream is something that i can accomplish, or im fooling myself not trying to accomplish that

i tried a lot of stuff, im praticing a lot of "good habits" and working on my life everyday and trying to improve it everyday and i can really say that i changed it and changed myself by a lot by last two years, but still, im never happy and i dont know if i wil ever be happy with my results, until i'll become this "woo woo fantasy character" because i simply put too much of expectations on myself

i rarely ask for help, and i think i'm a smart human being, but i got to a point where it's all becoming too much for me

i don't think i will ever be able to accomplish all of that wishy-washy dream 

and i really need someone to love that would be with me and be my partner and i would be there for him too, someone to keep me in check

i'm sick of being alone with my head and dreams, i tried so hard and i'm just sick and tired of all of that, i really need someone to help me and i don't know what to do

that post as i already said is crying for help post, any advice or insight will probably not help me, i looked everywhere and tried everything already, amount of knowledge and stuff that i tried is really out of this world, not to bragg 

i thought - fuck it - maybe that kind of testimony will help me somehow, i'm tired of being with all of that in my head alone and i don't want to go crazy or kill myself

so yeah, i'm lost, sick and tired, please help me..

 

(and yeah, i'm aware of the tricks that my mind is trying to play on me here, but still - writing this post was the best idea i had)

 

Edited February 26, 2019 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Zega]

It sounds like there's several foundational things that you would do well to establish. Several of Leo's earlier videos are foundational practical topics. 

 

I tell all my clients to come in once a month minimum for a massage. More if you have some physical problems that you want to rehabilitate. The release of oxytocin and positive touch is healing and has a number of other benefits as well. 

 

If you like zen, Allen Watts would be a good listen, lots of videos on YouTube. Make sure you're getting enough sun and exercise as well. Qi Gong, Tai Chi, and pranayama are great as well. 

 

If you really feel sick then you can go do an ayahuasca retreat. I am in April. 

That can bring to light the things you've been suppressing that you may be unaware of. 

[Nahm]

@28 cm unbuffed

2 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

the only thing that would make me happy and would let my ego go is to become modern day leonardo da vinci

 

2 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

become enlightenment + being

 

2 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

becoming

 

2 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

but still, im never happy and i dont know if i wil ever be happy

 

2 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

i really need someone to love

 

2 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

, i looked everywhere and tried everything already, amount of knowledge and stuff that i tried

 

When is happiness experienced?

[Nahm]

@28 cm unbuffed

Remember something in the past, where you experienced happiness.

Think of something in the future, where you would experience happiness. 

Really feel into the memory. Really feel into the thought about being happy in the future. 

Let me know once you’ve done this. 

[Nahm]

@28 cm unbuffed Makes great sense. Can you do this, though....

 

 

Remember something in the past, where you experienced happiness.

Think of something in the future, where you would experience happiness. 

Really feel into the memory. Really feel into the thought about being happy in the future. 

Let me know once you’ve done this. 

[Nahm]

@28 cm unbuffed What  was it? 

[ExodiaGearCEO]

@28 cm unbuffed I believe fear is might be what is stopping you. "Fear kills dreams" I understand how you are feeling. I almost feel the same way. Have you started visioning yet? Do know exactly know what you want out of life? What is holding you back?

[Emptystickfigure]

Try lifting the 10 pound weights before you lift the 50 pound weights.

[Emptystickfigure]

8 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Emptystickfigure

you're goddamn right, it's simple as fuck, yet i had some kind of mental blockage assosiated with that, working on it

Do you have ADHD, or whatever? I hope you don't. But if you're having trouble concentrating.

[Coco Money]

@28 cm unbuffed Alright man, the first thing to do is to start thinking positive and successful thoughts about you and your "dream" lifestyle.

Start integrating your "dream" lifestyle and your "dream" life in your current day to day life.

START SMALL. Don't rush. Consistency is key to success. Keep doing your thing, it doesn't matter how "slow" you may go, you just keep doing your thing.

Having a business and being an entrepreneur is about lifestyle. So what you have to do is to get rid of the unproductive activities in your day to day life and only perform productive activities.

Do nothing that is of no use.

BTW if you want to make videos try Sony Vegas it is pretty simple and effective. Also today you can purchase really good digital cameras for shooting videos for less than $500.

For making music you can try Ableton Live, Cubase, Fruity Loops. You can get some cheap MIDI controllers to get started like a small keyboard. Many MIDI controllers will bring a free licence of some kind of music making software.

Get a good microphone. A condenser one.

For making graphics use Adobe Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Overall, just build some PRODUCTIVE HABITS in your day to day life.

Get rid of the unproductive activities.

Do productive activities only because what you do on daily basis become a habit. Grow some productive habits.

[Coco Money]

@28 cm unbuffed Yeah, the music itself is a powerful thing. I listen to music A LOT every day... Maybe too much LOL. For me the music is something I use to get outside of the "boring" everyday life. I also like to sing and play some instrument like guitar/keyboard. Also making some beats with MIDI pads. Would love to have a full-blown battery, but I'm not sure my neighbours have the same opinion

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About getting a creative job: you could just enumerate your personal skills/abilities in your curriculum/resume. Also you could say something about the projects you've accomplished. In today's world the formal education is NOT a must anymore. The corporations/businesses are just looking for someone who can get the job done. Plus today there is a growing demand of workers in tech/computer niche.

You could also take some Google's online course about PPC / Online Marketing. These courses are free and they give you a completion certificate.