Help me interpret my dream and friendship

[Aquarius]

About 2 years ago I had a dream one night, a dream that I hold dear.

I was in a place filled with shallow water and it was dark and everything visible was monochromatic, sort of like purple-bluish. In the middle of the place there was a huge wide tree, that was the only thing that was there and that could be seen. I was the consciousness in the shadows, looking at the tree. Or at least its root, because it was an enormous tree and only the roots were visible in that darkness. Strong, big roots. Strong, big tree. 

I was looking at someone stumbling and climbing around the roots. It was a friend of mine I always loved but never talked to (in real life), plus he likes to insult me and play with my feelings (also in real life). I was watching him doing his thing around the roots. In my dream I didn't recognize him or who he was, it's just his presence pleased me.

Then I woke up with this strong desire to connect with this specific person. Awake, I could easily associate him with the presence (guy) in the dream. A quite ironic, sarcastic and nihilistic guy that talks in soft monosyllables and never laughs. 

So I messaged him on the internet, and he replied and was happy. We talked a lot since then. I always ruined everything though. Sometimes he was the one that messaged me for life advice or to tease me. I almost always felt uneasy when he talked with me, but secretly wished he would talk all day with me (sometimes he did).

It's interesting how a friendship developed from a simple dream. I never told him about the dream. And of course I ruined the friendship recently and we don't talk anymore. 

Anyway, what do you guys think the dream meant? It was a highly mystical experience for me. 

[Tistepiste]

"of course I ruined", "I always ruined everything of course"

I don't know the answer to your question but why are you talking down on yourself like that? Looks like you need to work a bit on your self-love!.. 

You didn't ruin anything. It probably went just like it should have. Nothing ended..  change happened

[Aeris]

I think you're gay, and you just doesn't allow yourself to be this way it manifest always this way, you should tho accepting to be fully gay without rejecting your very nature. there is no shame in it, penguin do it, pig do it, birds do it. that's totaly fine.

[Aquarius]

3 minutes ago, Tistepiste said:

You didn't ruin anything. It probably went just like it should have. Nothing ended..  change happened

Thank you.

@Aeris I'm a girl.

[Aeris]

and girls aren't gay that's what you mean huuu ?
still gay !

[Tistepiste]

@Aeris you posted with the assumption he was a guy.. otherwise you wouldn't have called him gay, based on the story. Lol

[Aeris]

1 minute ago, Tistepiste said:

@Aeris you posted with the assumption he was a guy.. otherwise you wouldn't have called him gay, based on the story. Lol

no you all gay dormant that's it, accept it, don't try to project upon me your gayness

[Aquarius]

14 minutes ago, Aeris said:

and girls aren't gay that's what you mean huuu ?
still gay !

I think I'm gay.

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Aquarius said:

About 2 years ago I had a dream one night, a dream that I hold dear. (A clue that it felt good)

In sleep, there is no illusion that One, so mind try’s to reconcile things you experienced through the falsity of twoness, or “not me” stuff)

I was in a place filled with shallow water and it was dark and everything visible was monochromatic, sort of like purple-bluish. In the middle of the place there was a huge wide tree, that was the only thing that was there and that could be seen. I was the consciousness in the shadows, looking at the tree. Or at least its root, because it was an enormous tree and only the roots were visible in that darkness. Strong, big roots. Strong, big tree.

The tree and roots-below-what-is-seen is a tradition symbol that the limb or branches are people, all truly of the same roots /nonduality/One/YOU. 

I was looking at someone stumbling and climbing around the roots. It was a friend of mine I always loved but never talked to (in real life), plus he likes to insult me and play with my feelings (also in real life). I was watching him doing his thing around the roots. In my dream I didn't recognize him or who he was, it's just his presence pleased me.

He’s you. The “reasons” you felt insulted, are the things you stand to accept. 

Then I woke up with this strong desire to connect with this specific person.

(“Connect”, with You - nonduality)

Awake, I could easily associate him with the presence (guy) in the dream. A quite ironic, sarcastic and nihilistic guy that talks in soft monosyllables and never laughs. 

(What is it about you, which doesn’t care for that?)

So I messaged him on the internet, and he replied and was happy. We talked a lot since then. I always ruined everything though. Sometimes he was the one that messaged me for life advice or to tease me. I almost always felt uneasy when he talked with me, but secretly wished he would talk all day with me (sometimes he did).

Sounds like you’re attracted to his looks, but not his personality.

It's interesting how a friendship developed from a simple dream. I never told him about the dream. And of course I ruined the friendship recently and we don't talk anymore. 

Anyway, what do you guys think the dream meant? It was a highly mystical experience for me. 

Take a look at how you were seeing things, the perspective you held, which “ruined” the friend ship. It should lead you right to a fragmentation you can dissolve with awareness. 

If you do think you’re gay, explore it within and in the world, see about it. But whatever you do, don’t pretend there is a second entity, judging you. There is not. You are The One. Whatever you feel, or do, is fine. 

 

[Tistepiste]

@Aeris Ok...  are you gay too? You got very off topic though. 

[Aquarius]

@Nahm Wow that's interesting. I will have to think about it.

What do you mean he is me? (in the dream)

I will need to think about what insults me about him. I think his whole presence, for whatever reason. Whenever he showed up in my friends group I usually found a weak excuse and went home. I think it's his quietness. It's like someone holds up a mirror close to your face and forces you to look in it. He simply infuriates me. 

I don't know but there's a part of me that sees him like some close member of some tribe or something. Figuratively speaking, tribe. I hate him so much but I want to maybe observe him from distance if I see him, and well I liked to occasionally ask him if he's ok... idk I care too much.

I remember once I was with my best friend (a girl) by the river and he (the guy) and some random girl appeared out of nothing and were walking there and my friend said "uh... well, I'm terribly sorry please don't be sad don't look at them", but whatever, I think I was smiling like an idiot or something. 

What made you conclude that I only like him for his looks? I enjoy his personality, it's just the way I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry every time he talked with me. I don't know why. He made me anxious and depressed. 

[Aaron p]

2 hours ago, Aquarius said:

Thank you.

@Aeris I'm a girl.

@Aquarius homosexuality is actually something that you will find of hidden with a lot of the peeps on here. However, the reason for this is a little bit weird...

With the kind of stuff that this website focuses on (spirituality, and in particular, general self improvement) it tends to attract a very specific kind of person. I'm not saying this is good or bad I'm just saying it's my observation. A boating shop will naturally attract fishermen, a hospital will naturally attract sick people, a library will naturally attract readers. The typical John Doe that is attracted to self improvement/spirituallity/god is a weak person, likely someone who is at the bottom of the food chain in some way...and in some way, just the lowest of the low. Jesus said that, in his kingdom, the last shall be the first and the first shall be the last. The Bible says that God uses the weak things of the earth to bring to naught, things that are great. And it's also been shown that (especially in males from 17-24) who have some kind of deep inner lack or weakness, turn to homosexuality as a coping mechanism for a lack of self love and authenticity within themselves. I did it to.

For me it was my mental illness that caused me to be weak, it's not gone yet like. But it's a hell of a lot better...people only find god when they REALLY search, and why would someone put loads of effort into finding god if they didn't need something desperately. I was indeed the lowest of the low as well. Raised christian, I was the fat annoying Christian 14 year old who always was just somehow annoying and always talked about how you were wrong and I was right. Jesus Christ like. But yeah, thats why you'll find that homosexuality is probably more active within the guys on this site. I realised I wasn't gay though, I mean...fuck, if you wana do that, go for it...this is just an observation of my own that I'm pointing out. 

One thing I will stress is to *remember* you should not be in denial of any part of yourself. The only way you can heal from something is by first accepting where you are at first. That isint my opinion, this is actually a deep insight I got recently. And it's very important. Accept any of these feelings you have and then look deeper and accept what is there to..

[Tistepiste]

@Aaron p I don't get it. You're implying that people who are gay are weak and have a lack of self love?

Looks like you have a lot of internalised homophobia my friend.

I have found that people who are gay in my surroundings are remarkably strong and certainly not weaker than straight people. They have a way of expressing themselves much more authentically and truthful. I'm bisexual myself and I really don't understand where you're coming from with that statement.

Also, fyi it's not like you can choose which person you're attracted to, you're almost making it seem like being gay is a choice.

I don't want to derail this thread so sorry at OP 

Edited February 26, 2019 by Tistepiste

[Aquarius]

8 hours ago, Aaron p said:

@Aquarius homosexuality is actually something that you will find of hidden with a lot of the peeps on here. However, the reason for this is a little bit weird...

With the kind of stuff that this website focuses on (spirituality, and in particular, general self improvement) it tends to attract a very specific kind of person. I'm not saying this is good or bad I'm just saying it's my observation. A boating shop will naturally attract fishermen, a hospital will naturally attract sick people, a library will naturally attract readers. The typical John Doe that is attracted to self improvement/spirituallity/god is a weak person, likely someone who is at the bottom of the food chain in some way...and in some way, just the lowest of the low. Jesus said that, in his kingdom, the last shall be the first and the first shall be the last. The Bible says that God uses the weak things of the earth to bring to naught, things that are great. And it's also been shown that (especially in males from 17-24) who have some kind of deep inner lack or weakness, turn to homosexuality as a coping mechanism for a lack of self love and authenticity within themselves. I did it to.

For me it was my mental illness that caused me to be weak, it's not gone yet like. But it's a hell of a lot better...people only find god when they REALLY search, and why would someone put loads of effort into finding god if they didn't need something desperately. I was indeed the lowest of the low as well. Raised christian, I was the fat annoying Christian 14 year old who always was just somehow annoying and always talked about how you were wrong and I was right. Jesus Christ like. But yeah, thats why you'll find that homosexuality is probably more active within the guys on this site. I realised I wasn't gay though, I mean...fuck, if you wana do that, go for it...this is just an observation of my own that I'm pointing out. 

One thing I will stress is to *remember* you should not be in denial of any part of yourself. The only way you can heal from something is by first accepting where you are at first. That isint my opinion, this is actually a deep insight I got recently. And it's very important. Accept any of these feelings you have and then look deeper and accept what is there to..

Thank you this was interesting to read. I still don't understand why am I being called gay? Everyone automatically calls me gay. Is liking a guy being gay if you're a girl? What do you all mean? Was it me being sentimental about my dream? 

Girls hit on me for some reason sometimes, even friends, but I'm not gay so I always find that disturbing most times. I can see what you mean, because many girls that are usually into guys will at some point drool if they see a girl that catches their interest, but will deny it when asked about it. I don't have any problems with gay people though, never had. Many of my friends confess me that they're gay and I'm always the first to know about it, I never tell anyone though. But it's really funny how for no reason I'm always the gay. Just a few weeks ago I called a good friend of mine and we talked about psychology and I said I like psychology and he was like 'enough, you're gay then'. What. And just a few days ago my partner wanted to watch porn with me and I told him a clear no, so he suggested we watch girl on girl. And I was confused and he said he knows I like that, and I was even more confused and said I don't like porn.

I noticed on actualized that everyone talks about being gay. I wasn't online for some time, did I miss something?

On a sidenote, I used to feel that I'm weak when I was younger but now that I'm 21 it's all gone I think. I think it goes away with age and by going with the flow. I simply stopped giving importance to 'other people', and by that I mean people that might have a problem with me for no reason, and now they don't.

And about being gay, I used to tell people that I'm gay in the past. I don't know why. The reaction was that they stared at me with distorted faces and then blew their cigarette lost in thought. I liked that. 

I don't think people are gay because they are unstable, maybe it's the other way around, they are unstable because people don't accept them. Depends on the culture also.

8 hours ago, Tistepiste said:

I don't want to derail this thread so sorry at OP 

It's ok, he needed to open up to someone. 

What I was most interested about is the tree in my dream, because I was assuming it had something to do with the Yggdrasil.

Auntyflo has some information on her website.

"Roots can also symbolize unconscious or mental energy in your life; as well roots are often used in grounding and relaxation exercises when you practice yoga or meditation. Seeing a tree and the roots and the entire body together will reflect a desire for family or familial connections as related to a family tree."

"A warning is that perhaps you are settling down roots that you won’t be happy with in the future, and you want to consider the people that you are getting attached to, or possibly negative habits that are going to be counter effective or unproductive for you in the future.'

"This dream is in association with the following scenarios in your life...

Starting a family.

Planning for the future.

Getting too close to negative influences or people.

Doing drugs or unhealthy habits that will cause problems for you.

Traveling.

Feelings that you may have encountered during a dream of roots…

Stable. Affirmed. True. Balanced. Awe. Impressed. Neat. Prepared. Busy. Sore. Hurt."

I highlighted what was relevant. 

Another website says:

"Depending on a season (winter, summer, spring, autumn), dreams about trees are interpreted as symbols related to the beginning of a new relationship or exciting and fulfilling career..." 

The dream was mid-spring. 

Something like this:

And the weirdest part is that I was some floating void or consciousness and not a person in my dream. Just a mere observer. 

[Aeris]

10 hours ago, Aaron p said:

@Aquarius homosexuality is actually something that you will find of hidden with a lot of the peeps on here. However, the reason for this is a little bit weird...

With the kind of stuff that this website focuses on (spirituality, and in particular, general self improvement) it tends to attract a very specific kind of person. I'm not saying this is good or bad I'm just saying it's my observation. A boating shop will naturally attract fishermen, a hospital will naturally attract sick people, a library will naturally attract readers. The typical John Doe that is attracted to self improvement/spirituallity/god is a weak person, likely someone who is at the bottom of the food chain in some way...and in some way, just the lowest of the low. Jesus said that, in his kingdom, the last shall be the first and the first shall be the last. The Bible says that God uses the weak things of the earth to bring to naught, things that are great. And it's also been shown that (especially in males from 17-24) who have some kind of deep inner lack or weakness, turn to homosexuality as a coping mechanism for a lack of self love and authenticity within themselves. I did it to.

For me it was my mental illness that caused me to be weak, it's not gone yet like. But it's a hell of a lot better...people only find god when they REALLY search, and why would someone put loads of effort into finding god if they didn't need something desperately. I was indeed the lowest of the low as well. Raised christian, I was the fat annoying Christian 14 year old who always was just somehow annoying and always talked about how you were wrong and I was right. Jesus Christ like. But yeah, thats why you'll find that homosexuality is probably more active within the guys on this site. I realised I wasn't gay though, I mean...fuck, if you wana do that, go for it...this is just an observation of my own that I'm pointing out. 

One thing I will stress is to *remember* you should not be in denial of any part of yourself. The only way you can heal from something is by first accepting where you are at first. That isint my opinion, this is actually a deep insight I got recently. And it's very important. Accept any of these feelings you have and then look deeper and accept what is there to..

Loool ho man you did my day.

The thing with dream. It tend to get off reality and mostly a projection. Some bullshit may be insered into it. But who knows. Sometimes it hold true meaning. But this kind of meaning is totaly personnal. Like being gay.

I'll clarify for my part It's not a projection. I really really love womans.

[Shin]

Is him the same condescendant ass that only care about his penis you talked about months ago ?

If yes, stop searching excuse to talk to him, the number 1 reason why people don't grow is because they keep surrounding themselves with toxic friends.

Edited February 26, 2019 by Shin

[Nahm]

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

What do you mean he is me? (in the dream)

Well, when you woke up in the morning, was there someone else there, someone who had crawled into your ear and participated in your dream.....

 

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

I will need to think about what insults me about him

Insulted you.....

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

He simply infuriates me

Infuriated you......and then left when you awoke? 

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

It's like someone holds up a mirror close to your face and forces you to look in it.

Is it really like that? No.  What is it, really?

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

I don't know but there's a part of me that sees him like some close member of some tribe or something. Figuratively speaking, tribe. I hate him so much but I want to maybe observe him from distance if I see him, and well I liked to occasionally ask him if he's ok... idk I care too much

Are there really “parts” of you? 

Are you really hating “him”?

Notice the futility, the silliness, in pretending you are parts, or two, and that your thought of hate is “hating him”. Have a laugh about this.

What does it really mean to you to “care too much”?  Is that not a justification, a means, to continuing to fragment yourself?

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

I remember once I was with my best friend (a girl) by the river and he (the guy) and some random girl appeared out of nothing and were walking there and my friend said "uh... well, I'm terribly sorry please don't be sad don't look at them", but whatever, I think I was smiling like an idiot or something. 

Really look at why that particular memory is reoccurring and being referenced now? What is it telling you? 

What ground work did you lay, what have you been saying to that friend, which led to them knowing you were likely to be sad upon seeing this? Perhaps you’ve been repeating this projection over and over to yourself and your friend?

14 hours ago, Aquarius said:

What made you conclude that I only like him for his looks? I enjoy his personality, it's just the way I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry every time he talked with me. I don't know why. He made me anxious and depressed. 

If you like his personality - then you could see that he is not making you anything. 

“He” “makes” you anxious & depressed? Or - your thoughts which surface when you see him are anxious & depressing?

 

“It's like someone holds up a mirror close to your face and forces you to look in it.”

“Forces”...?

If you were “forced” to look in this mirror - what is it you would see?

[Aeris]

28 minutes ago, Shin said:

Is him the same condescendant ass that only care about his penis you talked about months ago ?

If yes, stop searching excuse to talk to him, the number 1 reason why people don't grow is because they keep surrounding themselves with toxic friends.

be my friend shin, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee.
you totaly right though, I cut totaly the bridge with many toxic people and I feel so much great. ( to me )
I can sense the "reductible mindset" of old friends like nothing that empower you and makes you have a smile or something, just some nihilist clinging to their own misery.

Is it a french thing, or my surrounding ?

I believe I m better "alone" mainly I keep brother close, cause he want's to be happy and like to laugh, and this is this sort of mindset I want to see in my life, this and self improving will, I wish to have some interaction with people living close to my own perspective, but that's a rare thing. I look evil to most people, or just completely crazy when I don't speak their tongue, it start to be harder and harder to talk to them ( I know that just me ) so I m creating a new circle, I mainly just resonate on their bullshit, because it rarely makes sense anyway

Edited February 26, 2019 by Aeris

[Ketki]

@Nahm Are you an expert of dreams and their meanings?

[Nahm]

@Ketki I am not separate from that.