Need advice to handle stressful situation

[zoumerela]

Hello everybody! I am new to this forum and very glad to be here. I would like to ask you for some life advice and I hope this question is suitable in this the forum. I chose to live a peaceful, introverted life in a remote village and excluded all the factors from my life that used to burn me out. However, some months ago the neighbors decided that they need some kind of burglar protection and istead of buying an alarm system, they bought a dog. So they let him chained outside for hours on their little yard next to my house anytime they please, and the poor creature barks and whines and squeaks non-stop. There is nothing I can do so that I have my peace and quiet again and certainly I am not here to discuss the options because it is not the subject of this forum and believe me, there are none. The question to this community is how to handle this intruding, violating, abusive noise that makes me want to explode from anger and leaves me sad and miserable feeling sorry for my life. How do I learn to ignore the noise? So that I still hear it but not mind? How can I train myself to do that? Thank you so much in advance!

[NoSelfSelf]

Well only thing that could help you is not focusing on the barking(easier said that done) finding a way to not focus on it is the key...for some reason im not angered by the barking while others are because automatically im not focused on it while im focused on some other thing...

[KMB4222]

I'll try to help offer a possible answer by describing a situation I found myself in a couple months back. 

I was on a five-hour flight, and there was a baby that was wailing and crying. Instead of putting my headphones on I decided to listen to it, try to welcome the sound of the crying. I didn't expect it to be pleasant, but thought that there might be something I could learn from it. So instead of trying to ignore it I dove into the sound and how it made me feel. After a few minutes the resistance I felt to the crying subsided and I was beginning to understand it. 

What was the baby feeling that made it cry like that? Was it hungry? Lonely? In physical pain? Of course, there's no way to know the answer for sure. But that was part of the process. After a few more minutes I realized something deeper, that while it was a frustrating sound to hear, I was actually fortunate in a sense to experience it. I was also glad that I had the courage to face the feelings it brought up. 

Maybe give that a try. Willingly subject yourself to the barking, and see if you can learn something from it - either about the nature of barking, the nature of wanting, or learn something about yourself. Just be open to it. But also be accepting of the fact that it bothers you. At least you can start with that. 

This won't mean that it will never frustrate you again, or that the barking won't wake you up at night. It just means your understanding of it will have changed slightly. 

There are also practical ways of addressing the situation. Can you talk to your neighbours and come to some kind of agreement? 

 

 

[Hellspeed]

Focus on the bark, focus on the dog, if you relax enough and you visualize the dog stopping will do. It is an opportunity for you as i see it. It will make you transcend when you figure out how to project calmness into the dog, remotely  

[ivory]

You chose a lifestyle in order to avoid the unpleasant aspects of life. Well, guess what buddy? The things you don't like will follow you everywhere you go. I know this because I too tried it myself. All life is suffering, as the buddha said. You are finally beginning to realize this. Choose the life that's going to challenge you, not the life that is easy or pleasant. You a few options, talk to your neighbors, move, or embrace the suck. Good luck my friend.

[ivory]

The weight of lies will bring you down
And follow you to every town 'cause
Nothing happens here that doesn't happen there
When you run make sure you run 
To something and not away from 'cause
Lies don't need an aeroplane to chase you down

[universe]

Beautiful thread.

See what story you created in your head around the barking. It steers the feelings that come up when you hear it. You can try to associate something positive with the barking that you look up to. Maybe use it as an alarm that reminds you to be in the now. Or you can just use it to feel connected with that dog.

[zoumerela]

10 hours ago, ivory said:

You chose a lifestyle in order to avoid the unpleasant aspects of life. Well, guess what buddy? The things you don't like will follow you everywhere you go. I know this because I too tried it myself. All life is suffering, as the buddha said. You are finally beginning to realize this. Choose the life that's going to challenge you, not the life that is easy or pleasant. You a few options, talk to your neighbors, move, or embrace the suck. Good luck my friend.

Thank you for your contribition. I do  not really believe all life has to be suffering and a pleasant life is something to be avoided because it will not help you grow. I do like to challenge myself but for example by learning new skills and becoming better at it, and certainly not by throwing myself into unpleasant situations just to prove to myself that anything that won't kill me will make me stronger. Of couse I have talked to my neighbors, but they do not care. They probably even enjoy my frustration because I am a peaceful, low-profile person who seems to always be content, in contrast to them. Of couse I would like to move to a remote private house far away from people, but I can't afford to. So this is why I want to learn to embrace the things I can't avoid, because as you said when you are running away from something it will probably follow you.

[zoumerela]

@KMB4222 Thank you for your beautiful feedback from your personal experience. What you describe is exactly what I would like to achieve: Try to experience the noise from another perspective, try to feel empathy for the dog. But everytime I try to think "poor fella, they leave him out alone all day and hardly ever walk him", 3 minutes later I am plotting to buy the hugest speakers I can find and blast him with ultrasound until he shuts up! Of couse I would not do that in reality, but it is all I can think of. I get on a bad trip of resentment for my neighbors and daydream about revenge when actually all I want to do is live peacefully, bother nobody and be of help to others whenever I can. What you describe is what I consider a very hard mental exercise but I think I will give it a try. Thank you.

[zoumerela]

@universe Thank you, this is helpful.

[zoumerela]

@NoSelfSelf Thank you, as you said, easier said than done! 

[zoumerela]

11 hours ago, Hellspeed said:

Focus on the bark, focus on the dog, if you relax enough and you visualize the dog stopping will do. It is an opportunity for you as i see it. It will make you transcend when you figure out how to project calmness into the dog, remotely  

Thank you, but I really don't believe that this can be done, at least not by me. Visualisation never worked for me in the past, let alone affect someone else.