Kids/children blah

[Charlotte]

Why do I not have mothering instincts? Why do I not want children? Isn't this supposed to be like my purpose as a woman? This is why I have a womb? I'm more drawn to animals.

I'm scared of regret when it's too late. I'm sick of the pressure from society telling me to have children and what I will miss out on/nothing will ever compare to children etc.

I'm clearly struggling with this internally, very confused.

Any advice?

[SFRL]

How old are you? 

[Charlotte]

28

[RawJudah]

For a woman, having children is probably the most fulfilling duty to have, your greatest duty on earth will be achieved.

But it's a personal choice, plenty of women choose not to have children.

The only advice I would give is make sure that the person you have them with shares your values, otherwise it could end up bad for everyone involved.

And don't listen to the pressure other people put on you, be wise and make your own mind up!

 

[Charlotte]

4 minutes ago, RawJudah said:

your greatest duty on earth will be achieved.

Will it though, is it though?...

See I have a difference of opinion.

Thanks for the other advice though, really appreciated it. 

 

[ajasatya]

@Charlotte i think @Devi Shanti can help you with this

[RawJudah]

9 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Will it though, is it though?...

See I have a difference of opinion.

Thanks for the other advice though, really appreciated it. 

 

Obviously you don't have to have kids at all, but most women look like they love raising children!

You could just have animals instead, plenty of people just have pets.

Children are a full time job for some women, and other women focus on their careers or whatever.

Ask the women with children around you in real life and you might get a better vision than asking random people on this forum.

[Psychonaut]

28 is not old. I wouldn't worry about it. My aunt got married at the age of 35. Once other things have lost their meaning, you might see the value in having children. If not then that is also fine.

 

[Shin]

7 minutes ago, Psychonaut said:

28 is not old. I wouldn't worry about it. My aunt got married at the age of 35. Once other things have lost their meaning, you might see the value in having children. If not then that is also fine.

 

She doesn't want to marry either 

[RawJudah]

5 minutes ago, Shin said:

She doesn't want to marry either 

I don't blame her... 

Who gets married these days? 

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, RawJudah said:

I don't blame her... 

Who gets married these days? 

People who have money to lose 2 years later  

[now is forever]

5 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Why do I not have mothering instincts? Why do I not want children? Isn't this supposed to be like my purpose as a woman? This is why I have a womb? I'm more drawn to animals.

I'm scared of regret when it's too late. I'm sick of the pressure from society telling me to have children and what I will miss out on/nothing will ever compare to children etc.

I'm clearly struggling with this internally, very confused.

Any advice?

have some friends and family who think like that, one even dislikes children. they either found a relationship where the guy is ok with that or living out their sex live in a free sense. even doing pick up how the guys here do it, works surprisingly well... that’s the positive thing about it - you could just go for that without having to always look out for the longterm perspective. if you manage to free yourself from these programmings. 

so the only thing i‘d make sure is that the person you won’t have them with shares your values.

Edited February 25, 2019 by now is forever

[SFRL]

 

@Charlotte

If you are 28 years old then you got time. 

 

I am a guy, but I did have no affinity with kids until I actually brought one into this world. And I was 31 then.  

Now I really like kids. And it's really weird but before I had a kid I did hardly even notice kids. And if one would come to me I would be like "take that thing away from me". Now I see kids everywhere, and I am very comfortable handling them. 

I actually get fatherly feelings too when I see teenagers. I am getting old, lol. 

 

I also know of a couple where the guy really wanted kids. And the woman did not. Then once they started having kids the guy was done after the second kid. And then the woman liked having kids so much she really really wanted a third kid. Just to show how things can change. 

 

I have also seen women who are kind of masculine. But then once they have a kid they are super nurturing and sweet and nice to the kid. 

I think the whole 9 month process and giving birth does do something to a woman. As a guy it's probably something we can never fully grasp. Father's love their children too but it's different from how a mom loves the child I think. 

 

One thing you got to watch for though in my opinion, is that having children has an experation date for women. I would say about age 36. 

After that there are too many healthrisks. 

Also you need to consider that if you want to have children by age 36 then ideally you want to have found someone to make those kids with by no later then age 34/35. 

I think it's a trap for women these days. Women are made to believe that they should: Have an education, have a career, have lots of friends, and a big social network, travel, have time to be single and party, have a boyfriend, have a relationship. Those are all things that need to achieved to their full extend. And kids can wait, and that will just happen happen when the woman chooses. But you don't order your kids off Amazon. 

If anything I would say: Find a boyfriend first. Have a good relationship. Then when you want kids in your early 30s you can. 

 

 

Edited February 25, 2019 by SFRL

[Aeris]

totaly understandable, don't be worry, everyone his path, stop thinking of the futur or what you should do or not do.

see the present unfolding in front of you and don't live in the bullshit ideas of others of what the good life is.

[Devi Shanti]

@Charlotte I think @SFRL gave you a good answer.

What I can say to you is that it would be an important thing for you to investigate deeply this issue, looking for some mind trick, traumas, unconscious denials. Do you consider that your mother had a really happy experience being a mother? did she had support of the children's father? what about other women of your acquaintance? Have you ever had close contact with a child?
I dont have any children yet, but I have many close female friends that have babies and they are really happy with their families, what increases my desire to follow the same path. Besides that, I have a lovely husband and I really wanna see the result of our blend <3

Mothers and fathers says the love they feel for their children is for sure the biggest on Earth. I've even heard that the only love we can compare to God's love is a mother's love. I really want to know what is this magic feeling they talk about.

[Charlotte]

2 hours ago, RawJudah said:

 

Thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate them all ❤️ Lots to think about. 

The main reason I don't want children is because I want to help so many living beings (animals (mostly) & people) I don't want to pinpoint my love onto one being, I want to help as many as I possibly can with the time that I have. That, I feel is my life purpose so if I have kid's then I can't persue life purpose (currently studying for life purpose). Am I making sense?

In some ways I feel I have this unbelievable love and passion to help as many possible and I don't want it going to waste by having children. 

 

[Aeris]

9 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate them all ❤️ Lots to think about. 

The main reason I don't want children is because I want to help so many living beings (animals (mostly) & people) I don't want to pinpoint my love onto one being, I want to help as many as I possibly can with the time that I have. That, I feel is my life purpose so if I have kid's then I can't persue life purpose (currently studying for life purpose). Am I making sense?

In some ways I feel I have this unbelievable love and passion to help as many possible and I don't want it going to waste by having children. 

 

you're truly kind, that's beautiful and less sick that all those shitty nihilist around believing they are godlike.

I appreciate that some people prefer to focus on saving the turtle that pushing more idiotic slave without futur in this world.
when I'll own this fucking rounded shit call'd hell I'll not allow people to be idiotic anymore about life.

push your own sense of love to this world, I truly believe you can live your life your way, stop asking for advices from others. You know your absolute meaning inside.

Edited February 25, 2019 by Aeris

[Emerald]

7 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Why do I not have mothering instincts? Why do I not want children? Isn't this supposed to be like my purpose as a woman? This is why I have a womb? I'm more drawn to animals.

I'm scared of regret when it's too late. I'm sick of the pressure from society telling me to have children and what I will miss out on/nothing will ever compare to children etc.

I'm clearly struggling with this internally, very confused.

Any advice?

I think the most important thing is to really get to know your fears about having children and your fears about not having children.

If the fear leads, then you won't really know what you want because the fear will cloud your sense of clarity. So, it's important to be aware of all of your fears so that you can allow them to be there but detach from them.

Then, you can really start to tap into your emotions and where they lead you. 

And if you find you are inspired toward having children, then things will fall into place accordingly. But if you don't feel inspired toward having children, then just allow that to be as well.

Also, if it helps, adoption will always be available to you if you should have the motherly urge come online at some point after you're unable to bare children. So, if you really want motherhood, it is always a possibility. And if you have resistance and fear of adoption as an option, also be aware of what those fears are and put them on you list of fears to be aware of.

[Salvijus]

I feel having children is hugely overrated due to marketing force. People are just brainwashed from hollywood movies that having children is something devine. It could be nice I'm not against it. But it's a stupid low consciousness desire. it's more of a compulsion then a conscious will for most people.

Sadhguru on should all women have children?

"This is rubbish, this is social nonsense" #sadhguru 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dIU3YtA7GEk&t=11s

Edited February 25, 2019 by Salvijus

[Charlotte]

You guys are amazing. Brilliant responses. 

Thank you so much ❤️