My heart rate keeps rising every time i get close to nonduality

[Mezanti]

so this is a recurring theme when i contemplate, i slowly start to become aware of my infinite nature, and my heart beat beats faster, i get dizziness, and then im thrown back into myself "the ego"

its like a defense mechanism, my ego is like, NOPE not today, and i can't get passed it, today i tried to surrender to it, and got weird tension through out all my body, and then went into a dream state.

my question is, how do i go past this, how do i surrender my ego at once?

[Shin]

[YaNanNallari]

You see, we identify with the body. So then, if you identify with the body, when you start realizing you're not the body in a rapid pace, you feel like you're dying.

Now, if there's more balance, more love, then you can go through the process without feeling you need to force your eyes open. It can be a beautiful process too

[Shin]

Just fail hundreds of time,

Then you'll be so tired to fail that you'll surrender.

Not like you have lots of choice here, either it's a yes or a no ?

[Forestluv]

@Mezanti The mind-body often resists letting go of separation. For me, there is resistance to what is unknown and that I’ll go to the point of no return. 

My mind-body has relaxed with more nondual experience. A gradual knowing that nothing “bad” will happen and that it won’t be stuck in a nondual state of consciousness permanently.

[Hellspeed]

Is normal. And you will have many many episodes like those. Sometimes they come with heavy vertigo, all depends how much one is stuck and how much necrosis/fibrosis the body has.

Edited February 24, 2019 by Hellspeed

[eputkonen]

4 hours ago, Mezanti said:

so this is a recurring theme when i contemplate, i slowly start to become aware of my infinite nature, and my heart beat beats faster, i get dizziness, and then im thrown back into myself "the ego"

its like a defense mechanism, my ego is like, NOPE not today, and i can't get passed it, today i tried to surrender to it, and got weird tension through out all my body, and then went into a dream state.

my question is, how do i go past this, how do i surrender my ego at once?

The "you" that is trying to get past, to surrender, to get close to nonduality...and resisting....that "you" is an illusion.  Nonduality is all there is...even now.

[Nahm]

@Mezanti

There are years of thought patterns (beliefs) at play. There is an identity which has been illusively forged by them. The path is deconstruction of those. Awareness of them is key. Write them down to become more aware of them. 

[Aaron p]

7 hours ago, Mezanti said:

so this is a recurring theme when i contemplate, i slowly start to become aware of my infinite nature, and my heart beat beats faster, i get dizziness, and then im thrown back into myself "the ego"

its like a defense mechanism, my ego is like, NOPE not today, and i can't get passed it, today i tried to surrender to it, and got weird tension through out all my body, and then went into a dream state.

my question is, how do i go past this, how do i surrender my ego at once?

@Mezanti right so, basically I have seen in my own experience that it's better not to think about all this kinda shit. I have seen recently that all knowledge is bullshit and as it turns out...*Literally* the only thing that matters are the practises...hitting long ass sits, at least an hour and just basically making sure your technique doesn't become relaxed...I fall into a trap every other week but I'm effortlessly passing through each trap and overcoming them. So, for sure just don't worry about knowledge at all. It all turns out to be complete shite anyway...and useless. Using thoughts and symbolism *can* be useful in that they can help us submit more deeply sometimes by sympathising slightly with the ego nature that needs some *thing* to submit to. Then use that as a spring board into a healthy practise of nothing.