Passion for life completely lost

[Shaun]

Again this follows on from the what is god video. After watching it I felt completely detached from reality and I have zero passion for life. I am stuck between feeling that solipsism is true and that we are all god but either way nothing matters. Two days ago I tried some mushrooms and it was 5.5 wet grams. Clearly it was more than a microdose because I found everything funny, and felt a huge amount of love for everything and really enjoyed it. I became totally alive. There were times during the trip where those emotions would fade back into my usual anxious and worried state about the nature of reality and my face would just go blank. Later I went to bed and all my worries were gone for a while but they returned the next day but just not quite as strong as before. Let me point out that even though these emotions are usually not that intense they are still a very serious problem which may be treatment resistant as the problem is with the fundamental nature of reality. I really don't know what to do.

[Nahm]

If there is One thing we can come to know, it is that there is no problem with the fundamental nature of reality. 

A single thought against the Self veils. 

Chronic patterns of thoughts against the Self can be convincing. 

But these are just thoughts, which only appear to have power, when you believe them. 

“I don’t know”, may serve you well.

[Shaun]

On 2/24/2019 at 11:46 AM, Nahm said:

If there is One thing we can come to know, it is that there is no problem with the fundamental nature of reality. 

A single thought against the Self veils. 

Chronic patterns of thoughts against the Self can be convincing. 

But these are just thoughts, which only appear to have power, when you believe them. 

“I don’t know”, may serve you well.

Sadly I think it's getting worse. It is like some deep terror and despair has come up within me and it's almost getting to the point where I am going to be unable to go to work. I think a complete breakdown may happen in a few days. I feel totally stuck. I can't kill myself because that is not guaranteed to end suffering plus it's possible that the people around me do have some sort of reality to them and would suffer greatly if I was to do that. I feel so trapped and helpless.

[Nahm]

On 2/24/2019 at 6:33 AM, Shaun said:

which may be treatment resistant as the problem is with the fundamental nature of reality.

Have you considered yet, that your’re wrong? And that a lot of people who go through this experience that, and do find help?

What have you tried so far? Practices, therapies, massage, books, talking to someone, reiki, etc, etc. 

3 hours ago, Shaun said:

Sadly I think it's getting worse.

What is “it” which is getting worse?

[Shaun]

I know that it is the separate self that is getting worse and if the so called separate self gets destroyed, there is no vehicle left for enlightenment to take place. I will consider a reiki session as there is a place near me but I don't know if that will work.

[tenta]

You need complex coping mechanisms and brain wiring that allows your passion to look past this, this is what Leo has.

But even if detached from reality it's better to persue truth and see where it leads.

Edited February 27, 2019 by tenta

[Shaun]

Weirdly, I have been feeling a bit better for the rest of today, I lay outside in the sun for a few hours and just completely allowed the emotion. I then meditated for half an hour then a whole hour but the fear may return. It has put me off using any large dose of psychedelics because if I am getting in such a state while sober, there's no telling what immense darkness and insanity these substances may bring. I know psychedelics are useful but they would probably break me.

[Nahm]

@Shaun Great work man. Keep it up!  

[Shaun]

I suffer so much because i can't understand enlightenment or reality. Some say you are already enlightened, some say that it's simply recognising yourself as awareness, which is where I'm at and Leo seems to say that it's such an infinitely profound experience that it will knock you to the ground and totally mindfuck you.

[Gabriel Antonio]

Take a break from enlightenment work, and seek professional help. Looks like you're suferring from depression. 

I hope you get better! 

[pointessa]

@Shaun  I definitely think it would be a mistake to use any psychedelics at this time.

[Nahm]

On 2/28/2019 at 3:07 PM, Shaun said:

I suffer so much because i can't understand enlightenment or reality. Some say you are already enlightened, some say that it's simply recognising yourself as awareness, which is where I'm at and Leo seems to say that it's such an infinitely profound experience that it will knock you to the ground and totally mindfuck you.

Billions of people can’t “understand” enlightenment or reality, and are not causing their own suffering. 

 

On 2/27/2019 at 8:01 AM, Shaun said:

I know that it is the separate self that is getting worse and if the so called separate self gets destroyed, there is no vehicle left for enlightenment to take place. I will consider a reiki session as there is a place near me but I don't know if that will work.

What’s your experience with this “separate self” like? Do the two of you hold hands and ice skate on the pond? Do the two of you split a milkshake using two straws? How often do the two of you see each other? Got some pics of the two of you that you could post? Does that second self work, help pay the bills, etc? 

How was the reiki? Felt better after I bet!

 

On 2/27/2019 at 3:55 PM, Shaun said:

Weirdly, I have been feeling a bit better for the rest of today, I lay outside in the sun for a few hours and just completely allowed the emotion. I then meditated for half an hour then a whole hour but the fear may return. It has put me off using any large dose of psychedelics because if I am getting in such a state while sober, there's no telling what immense darkness and insanity these substances may bring. I know psychedelics are useful but they would probably break me.

Shaun, is it becoming more obvious to you, that there are not two of you - that there is not a separate self? And that when you did anything for your well being you felt better...and then when you think negatively against yourself, you don’t feel good? (“Immure darkness”, “insanity”, “break me”) The quality of those thoughts, is, garbage. The effect they have is, misery. 

But there is not two of you Shaun. There is not you - and then a separate self. This is simple and obvious dude.

You feel the way you feel, directly from what you are doing and thinking. Blaming some “separate self” is not helping. 

 

Do more for yourself, care for yourself, and you’ll feel better and better. Take responsibility for your actions, stop blaming some “separate self”. 

Therapy. Reiki. Massage. Journal. Meditate. Self Inquire. Laugh. Love. Whatever, just do some activities for the well being. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pfWGoLj1JCM

 

 

[Shaun]

Thank you all. I am feeling better now overall and I have learned a lesson and that is not to get caught up so much in trying to understand everything and believing everything Leo says in his videos. Again, it is just more thinking, concept and imagination and it can go really wrong. The whole thing though has made me deepen my mindfulness practice so it wasn't all bad. As Nahm said, “I don’t know”, may serve you well.

[Deepconcepts]

You're asking questions, taking actions but i don't think they might be the most optimal kind. Your mushroom experience could have easily gone alot worse.

These subjects can scare you, it can make you feel absolute gratitude and astonishment but like alot of things it is only what you make it out to be. Decide for yourself what to make with this new encounter.

I personally felt a little scared before greatful and astonished.

Edited March 17, 2019 by Deepconcepts

[bejapuskas]

@Shaun Hey  I am glad that you feel better already. I just want to show you, that thinking, that we are all God, is still a dualistic thought. Because you think that you and me are separate. And also you and God are separate. You are just discovering the helplessness of the ego. It wants to claim Enlightenment, it wants to think it is Enlightened. But this is still duality. Even if you meditate, while expecting Enlightenment to happen to you in the future, it is still a trap in the end. Enlightenment is here and now, it is as it is. This pride and wanting to achieve is holding you back  

Also, don't use psychedelics as an escape, Leo said this in his foundational video about psychedelics. I haven't done them myself, but it just seems to me like exactly the same pattern as porn addiction or overeating... Feel free to dm me, if you feel down