giving life a chance

[LoNatural]

15/3

Just had a shitty day. i was at the gym and I saw a tall chad with a 7,5/10 girl. I went frequently where they were to change some dumbells, one of those times he tapped her ass and he looked at me in the eye. He was reminding me that she has chosen him, not me. He gets to bang that chick, I don't.

I got really angry, but I know physical confrontation isn't the solution.

Life is too short to give in into depression, I can just LDAR but I fucking know that won't solve anything.

[LoNatural]

16/3

Feeling really good lately. I'm starting to cut fat and keeping on working on my studies while thinking about the future. I see myself living in eastern europe as the quality of the escorts is excellent. As a final attempt to try to get girls for free I'm going to cut some fat and try to play on a band. That's right there my last resort. I'll do it cause I love playing music, but I won't try any more things in terms of getting girls, It's a waste of time and I know it.

song of the day :) 

 

Edited March 16, 2019 by LoNatural

[LoNatural]

17/3

I'm really starting to have some key insights on how I want my life to be like. I've fully accepted my terrible fate with women and relationships in general, and I'm going to try to solve the sexual component with escorts and the emotional/spiritual component with music. I'm really grateful for this opportunity and I'm not going to waste it.

 

 

Edited March 18, 2019 by LoNatural

[LoNatural]

18/3

I'm tired, really tired, but deep inside I know I'm doing the right thing. No more crying, no more weeping. I'll make my money, build my physique, enjoy life. No children, no commitment, the only drama I'll have in my life will be found in music. I'm trying to stop obsessing about my body as i'm getting more and more into bodybuilding. I don't wanna let it have a more important role than music or work as those are my top priorities. 

 

Edited March 19, 2019 by LoNatural

[LoNatural]

19/3

I've relapsed on bad habits such as porn and procrastination. I'm going to try to recover and incorporate more mindful activities across the day so I can stay more in touch with the present moment. Music is my main religious weapon, my ritual, my one and only true love. 

 

 

[LoNatural]

20/3

I can't keep up with this level of egoic obsession. I have to let go of this stupid mind game of winning over someone who already has better genetics. I have to accept the defeat and try to live a life as good as possible. I already know I'm not going to have children, I don't want to burden my children with this suboptimal genes, condemned to work without leisure. 

I'm really pessimistic about my options with women, I don't even know if I should humiliate myself by approaching girls that are out of my league. Sure when they turn 30 they'll all start hitting me up to turn me into a provider, but that's not going to happen. 

Being born with a dick is a scam.

 

 

Edited March 20, 2019 by LoNatural

[LoNatural]

21/3 

Things are going well, my level of consciousness is increasing a lot. I'm starting to seriously turn inwards, becoming more independent from people and most importantly from women. The resentment is still there but I think it's going to decrease over time, there is no need to complain, no one to beat anymore. Now that I'm free from the sexual competition and the massive egoic investment I had on it I think my life is going to be so much better. 

No need to make money, no need to build a great physique, no need to compete against anyone. Life will be playful and spontaneous. Getting free from those stupid chains will be my main goal from now on, playing the ego game is too dangerous.

 

[LoNatural]

23/3

The work is paying off, I'm massively improving my grades and my health. I'm suffering withdrawal because I'm in the process of quitting fluoxetine. I don't know if I should be hitting on the girls I like, maybe by ignoring women I'm missing on a key part of life. Maybe my fear of getting cheated on and getting divorce raped is only the echo of my childhood trauma and mgtow propaganda. 

Anyways, I already know that pussy is an hallucinogenic drug, more potent than even LSD. I'm not the only one lusting over those top hot girls, why would I be the one to get one of them, I don't have anything competitive to offer. 

Meditation will help me drop those childish ideals, I have to keep in mind that in order to control a person, he must feel like he is in control of the situation, It is indeed a fundamental law of power. Feeling like I'm the chosen one to get a hot girl would make me more likely to waste resources on a girl way out of my league. 

 

 

 

 

 

[LoNatural]

24/3

I know I'm overthinking this stupid dilemma. I just have to get my value as high as I can, try my best and see what can I get. If I get to slay, I'll do it. If I get a hot gf, I'll do it. If , after all my efforts, my only option happens to be to mate with an unattractive girl or one who expects money from me, I'll just accept my defeat and move on. 

I'm destroying myself from overthinking this topic, It doesn't even depend on me that much. My hard limits will be to have no children, no financial investments on girls and to get sex regularly.

Meeting women will be another beast entirely, but I'll eventually have to face that problem. Now my goal is to pass all my subjects and to keep on hitting the gym.

 

 

 

[LoNatural]

26/3

Some incredible opportunities are starting to appear. A hot girl at uni is giving me a lot of iois, I have to approach her. I'll start by casually talking with her and I'll try my best. I don't have a lot of hope because I think she is out of my league for now. Anyways, this is motivating me a lot cause I'd do anything to be with a girl that beautiful. I don't really care if she ends up with me, the good thing is that I have enough sexual market value to get a girl that I find really attractive. Thank god, I'm not able to slay but at least I'll be able to get a pretty good deal. 

I'll carry on with my obsessive orange-staged self development, I have to do this. HIt the gym, study, sleep, repeat. I know approaching and escalating won't be easy, I'll start consuming pua material again just to improve my game, I'll also set some social-related challanges to improve my social skills, that will help me a lot once my looksmaxxing is finished and my relentless hunt for a hot gf starts. 

I'm also trying to meditate more, I know I'll eventually have to face spiritual problems, but right now sex is good enough for me not to seek any metaphysical stuff. Sex is my god right now, and It looks like a pretty damm good one.

 

[LoNatural]

27/3

I'm going to do it, my hope is increasing a lot since knowing about a fellow manlet that slayed in eastern europe. It looks like pussy paradise to me tbh. 

I'm going to be relentless. Just train, eat, study, sleep and repeat. I want to get a better physique, a stable job and as a product of that a hot gf. I know i'm blinded by teenage hormones but I'm not ashamed of it, It's completely natural and I know there isn't anything better than sex with a hot girl in this earth. It's literally the biological meaning of life. 

Not gonna lie, I already know that I'm escaping from my demons, but as Leo said, in order for the ego to dissolve it has to become a healthy ego first. In order to let go of sex as my current god I have to experience myself an abundance of it. There is no other way. Simply knowing that It won't make me happy isn't enough. What if the only thing I'm lacking is sex. I have to try it out for myself, and I'm going to be absolutely relentless. 

 

 

[LoNatural]

28/3

Some intense negative emotions are arising but I know what to do. I'm not going to fall again. I'm still strong and convinced more aware of my place in the world. I'm becoming a man, I'm growing, and becoming stronger. 

More at peace with my eventual death, I know I only got I shot and I'm going to make the most I can out of it.

 

 

[LoNatural]

29/3

Can't keep this level of neurotic obsession with sex. I'm an addict and I'll always be, but I have to start working to detach myself from sex because otherwise I won't be able to enjoy life. I'm narrowing down life to this specific area and I know it's one of the most important ones , but I'm doing what I can. If I keep this level of development I'll be able to get a good looking gf, but I have to become more independent from sex, to the point that I can live a happy life, independent from female validation.

I'm going to save up to try out lsd too, that will also speed up my spiritual development. I'll keep my plan to looksmaxx tho, even if it doesn't get me that much pussy it'll let me get a lot of self confidence.

 

"From my dreams, my hopes and from the light of the morning
That I separated myself from so long ago

So I followed his slow steps and quiet sighs
To the place I loved most as a child
Where I chased my dreams and waved to the passing trains
The miracles of life

And here, back on those same tracks I stand again, being so much less
Now alone, holding nothing within, but this empire of loneliness"

Swallow the Sun - empire of loneliness

[LoNatural]

31/3

I'm thinking about doing stupid things in order to get girls, I'm too much in my head. My best bet is to carry on with my plan, and so far It's going decently well. 

I have to stop depending on sex, I really need to detach myself from it, otherwise I'll waste my health with steroids and drugs just to see myself being chad, which isn't likely to happen anyways. 

I have to start getting some real experience with girls to get my game going. I'll only start approaching once i'm finished with my cut and that will require a lot of time. 

My goal will be to casually interact with a girl minimum in a casual way, trying to sexualize a little bit when encountered in the right context. If I do what I know I should be doing I'll have a decent looking girl in a decent amount of time, the suffering that this plan requires will be compensated by a good relationship. That relationship will require me to stay on the top of my life situation, so it's time for me to work.

My hard limits are still there tho, no children, no financial investments and no marriage. I'll probably get a vasectomy within the next years to enjoy sex as It's meant to be enjoyed without worrying about the consequences. I'm extremely determined with my decision not to have children and I'm really glad my hypothetical children won't have to suffer a bit, while I'll have a better life. 

After all feminism has vanished any political or moral ambitions I could have had apart from spreading mgtow,redpilled and blackpilled advice to help other men to avoid paying for crimes they haven¡t committed. If it's okay for them to ruin society, I'll be more than happy to watch it fall.

 

 

[LoNatural]

1/4

This is one of the most difficult stages of my life. I'm studying a hard degree, quitting antidepressants and as I'm not at my ideal bf percentage i can't try my best at the daying market so I'm stuck with porn. This is letting me have some compassion with myself, I'm not doing as bad as I could. 

Knowledge will save me, It will prevent me from investing resources into dead ends such as girls out of my league or impossible career prospects. 

This is the hardest part, once I'm done with my degree I'll be able to enjoy a fuckfest at thailand or south america, Now It's time to work

 

[LoNatural]

2/4

I'm tired, so tired and resentful. I have to keep going tho, can't do anything at all except to meditate. My only hope to do anything meaningful is to make music. I love melancholic music so much, I want to become a hermit and become one with music, explore my emotions and make music my ritual.

For that I need money, so again, time to work

 

[LoNatural]

3/4

just smoked a joint, i need a break. Dealing with resentment isn't easy, I'm trying to heal it with awareness but I think it isn't enough. It will be my main focus, as resentment will not only make my life worse but I'll also make other's life worse. 

Eventually I'll process the blackpill and I'll start dating again. Not in a machiavellian materialistic way, but as a way to get companionship and good quality sex without judgement.

Even if I still believe attraction is phyisical, the mating dance is still one of the most important things in life, and It should be enjoyed even if one doesn't have the greatest initial conditions. I recognise the blackpill perspective is a really narrow, not saying it isn't true tho. 

One of my greatest focus should to heal my past trauma and to get again into game, even if that doesn't directly provide me with a relationship.

I've also realized how potentially good a healthy relationship with a woman can be, the mgtow propaganda has hurt me too much, as they reduce sexual dynamics to a conspiracy. I'm glad I'm breaking free from all those cults. 

 

[LoNatural]

7/4

I think porn addiction is one of my worst enemies right now. It's making my expectations too high regarding immediacy, variety and quality. 

Life is brutal and I have to learn to accept my humble fate. Quitting addictions is one of the most basic things one can do to improve his life after all. 

Standards for men are rising, relationships are dying, the new world order is coming. It's my duty to try my best regardless of how well i'll do there. 

If i finish my looksmaxxing and moneymaxxing goals i'll be ahead of the game, one just has to work harder this days, it's just how it is.

 

[LoNatural]

12/4

I'm growing, life is great right now, even without pussy. I'm healthy, free and competent. There is no reason to complain. That doesn't mean I'm not aware of my desires and limitations, I still won't waste time on women I can't get and I still won't care about anyone outside my inner circle. 

These are dark times for the average man but we'll make it to the other side. I don't think we'll ever go back to the old ways, the system has to collapse. Accelerating the collapse is the best thing we can do to see the next stage of humanity flowering.

 

[LoNatural]

11/5 

I've been underestimating the power of introspection. I'll make a commitment to do some serious introspection work as I think it's one of the best ways to create a congruent life. To keep my life from becoming a civil war. 

The greatest problems I face are internal as I've concluded after a long time of trial and error. 

Having a strong internal frame, with clear goals and expectations...That must be something worth seeking.

 

Edited May 11, 2019 by LoNatural