Leo where do I start if everything seems fucked up?

[Carlos]

I feel like shit a major part of my waking hours, I don't have real friends, the people I interact with I always feel like I'm faking my personality, my humor, the things I like, always feel insecure walking around school, I like a lot a girl, like really really a lot (I have what the PUA community calls oneitis), the friends I had a few years ago all seem to be doing better than me, I've never have a girlfriend, these past 3 moths I started to feel a deep need to be in a relationship, then I met this girl (who I haven't even talk to) and I think she likes me, but I'm so trapped in my mind of all the things for why it won't work, I feel like I'm not worthy of being with her.

It's ironic because I've been studying self help for over 4 years now (I'm 17 btw) and I've been following you Leo, as well as Elliot Hulse, the guys from rsd and all of that info has helped me to understand where I'm getting it wrong, but I don't know what to do because there's so much to fix man, I sucked talking with women, I have a poor self image, low self-esteem, no friends.

One part of me wants to fuck a bunch of hot girl, one part of me wants to be in a deep loving relationship with this girl I want. One part of my wants to be a fucking alpha who is doing his thing and doesn't give a fuck about what everyone else thinks, one part of me feels insecure around other people and want their validation, their friendship. One part of me knows the techniques but also keeps putting me on this state of sadness and anxiousness.

To be honest I don't even think I'm that weird, I'm 1.90 m tall, lean, not the best looking but far from the worts, I'm pretty good at playing the social status game (even tho everything feels empty as shit) and I know I could be doing better.

In one of your videos you said that most of the questions you get really suck. I know this is one of those.

But that's the way I feel, at times I feel hopeless, I want to improve with women, I want to get over this girl, I want to make real friends.

 

Where do I start, what do I focus on  first?

 

I'm bitching real hard right now but that's how I feel, feels pretty dark.

 

If you read this, answer or no, I thank you.

 

I'll keep looking, I won't settled.

Just realized I feel significantly better after writing all this shit.

[Jamie Universe]

1 hour ago, Carlos said:

Just realized I feel significantly better after writing all this shit.

I've done what you've done in this post, except mine is (I'm pretty sure) over 300+ pages at this point from ranting. If you don't know where to start, then thats whats good about talking to yourself, you feel better, and your communicating with what needs to be more than an 2 second thought at breakfast. 

Also while doing this, I find it helpful to give yourself some hope. Like yes X, Y, and Z are all fucked up horribly, but at what point did I decide those were going to stop me? Your already doing awesome at it, with things like 

1 hour ago, Carlos said:

I'll keep looking, I won't settled.

I usually start off with ranting, going into details, sometimes I just keep caps lock on and swear, but usually end with some hope. And when you communicate with yourself, and intellectual get smarter on the issues that affect you, you'll end up going through life with extreme resiliency.

[Leo Gura]

@Carlos At your age all of that is totally normal. The good news is you're actually way ahead of the curve because you've already found the most important thing: the field of personal development and spirituality. Most people won't find these fields until they are 30, 40, or 50 years old.

Since you're only 17 you've got many many years to resolve all those issues.

I have made multiple videos where I give a blueprint of how to begin doing personal development and I give long lists of techniques.

Just pick a thing and start working on it. Focus on whatever your heart wants most. If it's girls, then go chat up girls. A very simple exercise is to go to the local mall on the weekends and start trying to have conversations with shop clerks. Try to chat them up. Don't even hit on them, just chat with them. Try to make the conversation last for 5, 10, 15 minutes. Try to make them laugh.

After practicing that for a few months, then start applying those exact same skills at school by approaching random girls at lunch. Girls you don't know. Just teach yourself how to socialize. You don't even need pickup skills at this point. Learn to have conversations with strangers. Learn small talk. Learn eye contact. Learn how to talk about yourself. Learn how to tell interesting stories. Learn how to smile. Learn how to project your voice. Learn how to be friendly.

All of this stuff has been written about in books and talked about in videos ad nauseam. Just go apply it. Break it down into small actionable steps.

[JohnnyBravo]

@Carlos

 

RSD can be some toxic content to watch. I studied with them for a long time and whilst I did talk with girls and had success, I always felt never good enough with who i am. So if youre watching their content along with Hulse, it doesnt surprise me you feel inferior.

I would advise to drop the comparison game. Buddhism psychology will explain to you that the way youre thinking about all of these things is how the human mind/ego is by default. Constantly coming up with anything to make you feel seperate to other people, or better than other people, or less than others.

Much PUA is selling you under the paradigm "youre not good enough, so come and get some help from us to improve yourself."

Guess what? That game never ends. There is never an end point where you can say youre successful enough and be content. Leos video on Being vs Doing is the only genuine 'end point.' Sadly PUA never promises a point where you can just 'exist.'

Having said all of this, if your heart beckons you to PUA, then do it totally. Notice I said "totally"? If you do it, go all in. Do be half in half out with it. Be a bit obsessive with it for a stage in your life.

But even when you reach a point with anything, youll realise you were good enough all along and there was never anything wrong to begin with in the first place. All that PUA stuff is just an illusion to make you feel like youre doing alot of stuff to fix yourself.....there is nothing you need to fix.

Dont bother with the alpha/beta style thinking. Every alpha is secretly a beta anyhow. Youll just get back into the comparison game which leads to hurt.

Advise? I would agree with Leo. Go and socialise a bit and do your best to meet girls. Power to you.

But after you do all of that, youll discover the secret one day on your own. You were fine all along to begin with.

But until you get there, you wont believe me or anyone here....So go chat up some girls today! Let us know how you go! ?

[ravlondon]

@JohnnyBravo @Leo Gura @Carlos  

A lot of the new RSD content is quite negative and can make you feel quite bad if you don't have your life in order.

Which no one does.

I've taken the trial and error method of learning the social skills with women from RSD and left them with the anti self esteem marketing stuff they are now trying to push.

 

[Leo Gura]

@ravlondon I haven't watched RSD for about 3 years so I don't know what they are teaching now.

I was assuming it would get better, not worse. But there's definitely a lot of devilry in that community. Owen has not purified himself of his own devilry last time I checked. He's taking his sweet time. His ambition is his greatest strength and weakness.

[ravlondon]

@Leo Gura Owen's ego has grown with his beard. 

I still like Jeffy, I bought him a beer when he was in London haha

Derek is interesting.

I strongly dislike Julien lol

As an Asperger's case I came into the community to get a girlfriend so I found Tyler relatable but not nowadays  

Edited February 21, 2019 by ravlondon

[JohnnyBravo]

Ozzie is the only one worth learning from.

[Girzo]

I have only watched RSD Max's "The Natural" product and can vouch for it. All the stuff you need to start picking girls up without unnecessary ideology.

It's also has a shit-ton of infield material, like 30 hours, where you can see Max doing his thing.

Other RSD teachers I find somewhat weird.

Todd is okay, but he's no longer a part of RSD.

 

[Dumb Enlightened]

On 20/02/2019 at 9:17 PM, Carlos said:

I feel like shit a major part of my waking hours, I don't have real friends, the people I interact with I always feel like I'm faking my personality, my humor, the things I like, always feel insecure walking around school, I like a lot a girl, like really really a lot (I have what the PUA community calls oneitis), the friends I had a few years ago all seem to be doing better than me, I've never have a girlfriend, these past 3 moths I started to feel a deep need to be in a relationship, then I met this girl (who I haven't even talk to) and I think she likes me, but I'm so trapped in my mind of all the things for why it won't work, I feel like I'm not worthy of being with her.

It's ironic because I've been studying self help for over 4 years now (I'm 17 btw) and I've been following you Leo, as well as Elliot Hulse, the guys from rsd and all of that info has helped me to understand where I'm getting it wrong, but I don't know what to do because there's so much to fix man, I sucked talking with women, I have a poor self image, low self-esteem, no friends.

One part of me wants to fuck a bunch of hot girl, one part of me wants to be in a deep loving relationship with this girl I want. One part of my wants to be a fucking alpha who is doing his thing and doesn't give a fuck about what everyone else thinks, one part of me feels insecure around other people and want their validation, their friendship. One part of me knows the techniques but also keeps putting me on this state of sadness and anxiousness.

To be honest I don't even think I'm that weird, I'm 1.90 m tall, lean, not the best looking but far from the worts, I'm pretty good at playing the social status game (even tho everything feels empty as shit) and I know I could be doing better.

In one of your videos you said that most of the questions you get really suck. I know this is one of those.

But that's the way I feel, at times I feel hopeless, I want to improve with women, I want to get over this girl, I want to make real friends.

 

Where do I start, what do I focus on  first?

 

I'm bitching real hard right now but that's how I feel, feels pretty dark.

 

If you read this, answer or no, I thank you.

 

I'll keep looking, I won't settled.

Just realized I feel significantly better after writing all this shit.

aks yourself who is suffering ? Who is this you who feels hopeless, who is this ??? ask yourself this, and you will find out that this is a mind made self, made out of thoughts. This you who thinks is suffering is a thought from a conditioned mind. If you think now, "but I am truly suffering" there isn't a you who thinks it, there's just the thought itself, a thought who thinks it exists as a self and thinks it is suffering. 

But then you could say, "but this and this has happened to me, and I have this and this memory" but what are those if not another thoughts, just more delusion. I think that you right now have a great opportunity to see this mind delusion and finally break free.

I know this is a radical approach, of course you can work on yourself, developing and creating a better and healthier self, but why not be free of it right now, and after start over, living a free life.

[Moreira]

Start with the foundational videos of how to have self steem, how to meditate, how to be happy. Then, topics of who are you, the nature of the self...

Making friends, being successful, career and girfriend are petty stuff that can wait.