how do you know you're 100% authentic?

[Hellspeed]

100% Authentic = Alone

[Markus]

@LoveandPurpose Being genuine. Telling the truth. Being transparent about your motives in relationships. Not manipulating people and situations for your own agenda. It takes self-awareness and seeing through your own bullshit to be authentic. As long as there is any ego or selfishness on any level, you can't be 100% authentic, so don't worry about that.

[outlandish]

On 2/21/2019 at 0:08 PM, LoveandPurpose said:

@outlandish

Love this! I also feel like being authentic just means kind of letting go and watching yourself act. Trying to be authentic (thinking "how would it be to act authentically" for example) is not being truly authentic.

 

What are these layers you talked about specifically? Can you give examples?

I'm trying to get at just what your saying; trying really hard to be "truly" authentic can lead to a complicated mess because it can become overly intellectualized or contrived.

So an example: take the scenario where I have just been introduced to someone new at a social gathering.

I extend my hand to shake and proceed with my default niceties, asking the person how they know the host and so on. If I cut through that I might realize it's a bit put on, that I don't really like them that much yet, and I'm really behaving in a slightly socially manipulative way to try to gain rapport with this person. Questioning it deeper I realize that I don't really like social gatherings because they make me nervous and uncomfortable, and that I am trying to mask this fear with social pleasantries. Analyzing that nervousness I realize it's coming from a place of fear, due to a concern with protecting myself from social rejection. Looking at this fear I realize that it's unfounded and not a risk, however the fear authentically is still there, and that complete social rejection really would be devastating.. however unlikely that I could embarrass myself to that degree. Realizing that the most embarrassing thing would be to appear inauthentic, I resolve to be completely authentic, and therefore double down on the niceties in order to communicate to my new acquaintance that I am authentically interested in them. However, realizing that this might come off as overly eager and that it might have the opposite effect, I decide to dial it back, feign disinterest and go grab some more nachos.

So how to behave authentically in this situation? Maybe I decide simply to peel that onion back just a little bit and shed one fake layer in the interaction, drop some resistance, don't try so hard to like the new person and to learn something I actually find interesting about them.

Making a habit out of peeling back one layer of inauthenticity all the time feels productive to me, rather than trying to be "100% authentic" all the time, which can end up backfiring. After a while, shedding that layer becomes the habit and the norm, and then you can go a little deeper next time around.

[ivory]

@outlandish Nice post! I find that with authenticity there is a lack of striving in one's efforts. That's the manifestation. Authentic motives include love, well-being, honesty, and curiosity. Once inauthentic motives are stripped down (in the way you suggested), authentic motives take their place. Love, joy, and creativity spring forth.