Update

[kieranperez]

59 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Like I said, do your research. You'll be surprised at what gems you may find.

Yeah I’ve seen both of those. I remember watching the one with the guy a few months ago and what he said really brought me back to when Adderall used to work for me back in middle school when he said, ‘I could finally hear the person across from me.’ I remember listening to that and just smiled because that’s what Adderall feels like when you have adhd. Your focus is much more concentrated rather than all over the place. It really was surreal the first time that happened. I actually have memories going back to like 4th grade feeling like ‘I can hear them.’ 

The main thing again is the money. Where I even get the money for that. I have no problem going hardcore. The problem is always money. 

I also have the book from the booklist. 

[kieranperez]

7 minutes ago, Tetcher said:

I wouldn't waste too much money on neurofeedback, especially if my wallet is thin. Evidence suggests that neurofeedback effectivity is due to the placebo effect*. In fact placebo doesn't mean that it's useless but that the mechanism at work is disconnected from the neurofeedback method per say. It's all about stabilizing your mind patterns in way that your outcome behavior serves your goals.

*source : https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-myths/201302/read-paying-100s-neurofeedback-therapy

 

There are tons of studies behind neurofeedback. Neurofeedback has been used since the 70s and even when I was little kid in the early 2000s there was a rise in reports in neurofeedback use for kids in training them out of adhd and even depression. Don’t expect conventional modern western medicine institutions to really help with much. This country’s medicine practice is honestly disgusting in how it treats patients, what they deem as valid and invalid treatment, the downright lazy “solutions” they offer to patients who are truly struggling and are actually seeking help, etc. I’ve wasted more than a decade trusting this system. Thinking most of these institutions actually knew wtf they were talking about (not to mention my own well-being). 

Honest anecdotal feedback is the most important feedback. 

Edited February 19, 2019 by kieranperez

[Consept]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Vitamin D deficiency is very common these days. And low vitamin D levels are directly related to low mood, low energy, and depression.

If it's so severe that you're unable to function like normal people, there's a good chance it's physical.

I have been working on improving my own health lately (thyroid issues) and I've been reading about how ADD is correlated with heavy metal toxicity. It's probably not the only factor, but it is definitely 1 of the factors. I'm not sure what all the factors are. You'd have to research that more. Don't expect conventional Western medicine to have a proper root cure for ADD. You'll have to look more to the fringes.

Yes, they can be expensive. Usually $100/session or so. But also permanent improvements can come from just 10-20 sessions.

Health ain't free. It can be a good investment. If it actually helps you, you can earn that money back simply from increased productivity.

But you'd have to weigh the pros and cons of that for yourself.

Personally, I invested $3000 in my own brain training machine. But I'm sorta hardcore and I got money to burn.

Have you seen big improvements from neuro feedback?

[Leo Gura]

38 minutes ago, Tetcher said:

Evidence suggests that neurofeedback effectivity is due to the placebo effect*.

Neurofeedback is definitely no placebo.

I use my EEG machine to meditate every day. It's about 10x-100x more effective at meditation than without it. No joke. You feel it after 1 hour.

I don't regret spending $3000 on it.

It's a truly amazing tool, but too expensive and too technical for most people to self-operate it. It took me over a month of technical study to learn to use it properly. But now I get to use it for the rest of my life easily, for free. Strategic thinking FTW!

[Leo Gura]

@kieranperez There are probably other cheaper solutions. Just start by doing your research and be open to finding new stuff.

But also, if you were really serious you could get a job and save up $2k-3k pretty fast. You have to be open to trying stuff and doing what it takes to get results. Don't lock yourself into a victim mindset. There are many ways to solve problems.

Maybe you could even volunteer in a neurofeedback facility in exchange for them letting you use their machine. It costs them nothing to let you use it.

Get creative.

[Michael569]

@kieranperez Have a look into a supplement called L-Theanine. 50-100mg. (doses up to 200 are safe but start lower) This is a naturally occuring amino acid in Green Tea and has been scientifically validated to help induce calmness of mind, reduce percieved stress and supports parasympathetic nevous system (the calm brain). L-Theanine is non toxic and non addictive. It also stimulates production of Gaba a calming neurotransmitter. This will not fix it but may help calm you while you seek a solution. 

Like Leo said your problems may as well be very much physical. On the top of what he said I'd have 2 more suggestions: 

• your methylation cycle could be out of balance (this can be tested by private companies such as Genova)
• your gut might in state of dysbiosis - meaning dominance of bad bacteria over the good, causing your depressions. This is clinically proven to be a case in many people. Gut is connected to your brain by direct route. (this can also be tested by Organic Acids Tests or general stool testing by doctor or private research centre such as Genova). 

[Toby]

Could you say what you DO regarding your spiritual / psychological path? Because there are certain practices / behaviours I would not do in your situation as I understand it. For example: I wouldn't do too much meditation, any kind of breathwork, cold showers, too many different spiritual teachers / meetings and so on...

[kieranperez]

38 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@kieranperez There are probably other cheaper solutions. Just start by doing your research and be open to finding new stuff.

But also, if you were really serious you could get a job and save up $2k-3k pretty fast. You have to be open to trying stuff and doing what it takes to get results. Don't lock yourself into a victim mindset. There are many ways to solve problems.

Maybe you could even volunteer in a neurofeedback facility in exchange for them letting you use their machine. It costs them nothing to let you use it.

Get creative.

Here’s my question regarding this... is it okay and maybe worth putting off life purpose stuff and get the stuff that’s being discussed on this thread solved first? Such as my depression, self-esteem, adhd, finances, living situation, confidence, etc.

One of my fears with just getting a job is that I am afraid that if I get a better job, start improving my dating (which doesn’t really matter to me tbh), and so on is that I’ll get dragged off from my highest drives. 

This is one of the things I faced while trying to learn programming. I hated it so much and just wasn’t engaged with it at all and I just couldn’t reconcile that and going to work in some office building where I’d still have to live in a city which would still feel like hell to me. 

Not justifying this fear at all. Just being honest and clear on what it is. 

[Leo Gura]

19 hours ago, kieranperez said:

Here’s my question regarding this... is it okay and maybe worth putting off life purpose stuff and get the stuff that’s being discussed on this thread solved first? Such as my depression, self-esteem, adhd, finances, living situation, confidence, etc.

Yes, of course. Learn to crawl before you go trying to fly.

Quote

One of my fears with just getting a job is that I am afraid that if I get a better job, start improving my dating (which doesn’t really matter to me tbh), and so on is that I’ll get dragged off from my highest drives. 

Don't worry about it. Handle your basic survival needs. Later you will shift your balanced back to spirituality.

You can only do whatever your ego will allow you to do. If your basic needs are severely under-served your ego will not allow you to seriously pursue spirituality. Your heart must in whatever you're doing. If your heart is telling to go fuck, then go fuck. Get it out of your system.

[Bluebird]

@kieranperez Sounds like you're really growing man. Just the fact that you were willing to explore programming for a week is a great sign that you're starting to try and look after yourself.

Definitely, think it would be good to do whatever you can to take care of your survival needs. Just get a job, save a bit, heal your psychology a bit and then come back. Nonduality isn't going anywhere, literally. Take all the time you need, no hurry man.

Good luck, maybe use the forum a lot less. Not so much intake, but ask your own questions when you feel the need to talk to someone.

[d0ornokey]

I'm struggling with the same  idea Kieran, I wrote this out for my insta a few hours ago, coincidence that it fits right here. 

Trying to live at other's standards can set extremely high expectations for yourself
Dream big. But have the courage to be realistic. 
Sometimes it can be tempting that to want to do something exactly with the same level of expertise as someone else. If someone else did xyz, I can too! 
While that can be true, it can also set extremely unrealistically high standards for yourself that you may not be able to meet at this time. 
Sometimes it's best to consider your own situation, and what's right for you. Your life circumstances such as responsibilities, relationships, mental health, self-awareness, strengths, weaknesses, resources, knowledge will be different than that person 
So if you have your own struggles that you're dealing with, try not to compare yourself with them and what they've accomplished. They  have their own unique life experience that allowed them to do what they are doing. Live from your own life experience and what is right for you. Sometimes what they are doing, and what they've done isn't correlated to you. 
You and your life circumstance are different. Do and live from what is right for you. It most likely can, and will be different. 
That's never to say the impossible isn't possible And to never underestimate your capabilities. 
But to have the wisdom to not compare yourself to others and allow yourself if you need to go slower. If you need more help. If you need to do something else. Or differently. Or later.   

 

I too am putting off more and more of my long term goals just so I can mentally function properly. I KNOW your struggle <3 

2 months ago I let of enlightenment 

Few days ago I let go of not getting a job. I wanted to be business forever (to facilitate my LP) but now I see that's its practical for me as it's a very big challenge right now and I let go of business 

I started to let go of life purpose last night.

 

Now I'm literally just working in my circle of influence. It feels really small, and comparing myself to others it sucks but it's just where I'm at and it's what I need. 

 

Edited February 19, 2019 by d0ornokey

[lmfao]

@kieranperez Do you have any sort of substance/behavioural addictions? Because those are the main reasons I end up miserable. 

[kieranperez]

3 hours ago, omTom said:

Didn't mean to upset you brother. The majority of depression cases are egoic reactions and are purely based on negative thought loops, hidden assumptions about life, giving up responsibility, avoiding work to deal with the depression, etc. The psychological reasons. 

I know you don’t mean ill will but make a distinction between deep suffering and depression. These are 2 different things. If you like Om Swami, who I truly admire, read his book on depression. Most nondual people have no idea what depression really is. Depression is very hairy in its root cause and it’s solution is not just meditation. It’s just not that simple. 

7 minutes ago, lmfao said:

@kieranperez Do you have any sort of substance/behavioural addictions? Because those are the main reasons I end up miserable. 

No.

@Bluebird much love man.

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes, of course. Learn to crawl before you go trying to fly.

Don't worry about it. Handle your basic survival needs. Later you will shift your balanced back to spirituality.

You can only do whatever your ego will allow you to do. If your basic needs are severely under-served your ego will not allow you to seriously pursue spirituality. Your heart must in whatever you're doing. If your heart is telling to go fuck, the go fuck. Get it out of your system.

Really REALLY needed to hear this. As always, thanks. This felt like a relief in lot of ways. 

[Forestluv]

@Leo Gura Is there an EEG machine you would recommend looking into in the $3,000 range? I'd like to start researching this as a personal meditation tool.

[UDT]

20 hours ago, Shin said:

No help will come.

See through the mind, that all thoses negative and neurotics thoughts patterns are just content in you.

Just be the observer ...

There is no escape to this, you either ascend by letting the mind die by not participing in its endless drama,

Or continue to lie to yourself and go deeper into hell.

No help will come, it's all up to you,

No

Help

Will

Come

100%

[now is forever]

23 hours ago, kieranperez said:

So it’s been a month since my last post on here and felt like giving an update. 

After getting off I actually started feeling a tiny bit better. I was starting to do some self acceptance and it came along actually in the beginning. I was walking on some old trails I used to run on in Marin County over the Golden Gate Bridge. 

That was kinda where it ended. After about less than a week in I started falling into a worsening depression I haven’t fallen in in years. Mental breakdowns have become basically a daily thing. My only friend who lives next to me isn’t a available for me to talk to him just to have someone to talk to so I’m alone everyday. My dad has been going off on me on how I’m a loser because my suffering “doesn’t make sense” and how I just need to “man up.” I wake up everyday feeling too numb to get out of bed. I’ve had to leave work early a couple times now because I’m barely able to hold back tears. My mind won’t stop. It. Just. Won’t. Fucking. Stop. I can feel even in my body that this entire self is something I’m holding onto in yet trying to drop even a single belief like “ I CAN’T” (my bottommost core belief) because my entire sense of self is revolves around this addiction to holding this belief. This entire self is just a giant lie. Everything I say is a lie. Everything I think is a lie. The way I hold my body is a lie. 

I don’t feel suicidal per say as I don’t want to resort to that. I honestly just want help. I feel like I’m truly not good enough and that I can’t. I just fucking cant. Relative to what isn’t the belief. It’s that I can’t. Affirmations and such have been a disaster. I’ll be on a run (and now I’m hurt) and when I start feeling that core “I CAN’T” and I affirm “I CAN”, so long as I affirm “I can” there has to be the underlying belief that “I can’t.” Ralston talks about this in his book Pursuing Consciousness when it comes to beliefs, self-images, ideals, etc.

I feel like I’m going crazy right now and this is getting worse every single day. This is exhausting. I want this to stop and I deeply want help. I don’t want “just accept yourself more” as I live in a house and an environment that is driving me mad. Self acceptance doesn’t help me move out. I tried learning programming, following the advice of @Bluebird who kindly helped give me some tips, after about a week of not being able to focus (struggling still now being off adderall and with ADHD) and feeling totally confused and still frustrated because the thought of being another programmer just eats at me and also because it’s so hard because of my ADHD, I had to stop. I have a life purpose but honestly it’s so demoralizing because it feels so beyond me. 

I’m tired of this man I just want help. I’m tired of feeling so dead and numb. Depression feels like nothingness and pain. It’s a hollowness that literally eats you away. I can’t afford therapy, I can’t afford neurofeedback, I can’t afford a life coach. Why did I have to grow up with a mom who tried killing herself every week? Why does my dad have to moralize to me? Why did I have to put on meds to that hurt me more in the long run and didn’t help anything? Why can’t I drop this addiction to suffering and this goddamn identity? Why can’t I just stop my mind for just 5 seconds? 

I don’t want anything other than help. 

i‘m sure you‘ve read that a thousand times but what about adaptogens and nootropics? are you taking any for basic stability?

if not - really please try rhodiola and ashwaghanda and brahmi as those are the only ones i know for sure can have a small impact on this pain you are having right now. 

i know this pain is real and hurtful but as long as you feel that pain so severely you can’t really work on the problems. 

@Charlotte also talked about nootropics that helped her once, maybe she could tell you.

the second step is to change the variable in your life that will make the biggest impact with the lessest effort. as you don’t have much energy at the moment handling all at the same time. you are juggling with your problems but you can only concentrate on one. so aim at a simple solution of the biggest problems first, it doesn’t have to be the final solution - there are also provisional solutions. also even though all problems are probably connected and intertwined, you need to separate their connection to see how the viscous circle feeds itself, and handle only small matters aside from them.

bullet journaling helps me a lot these days to juggle and get a grip on the balls  to man up you know  

maybe you could find the book in a library.

?

and also if you are interested, just call them and ask how much it would cost and how you could get support from insurance or other sources!

https://www.mindtherapyclinic.com/neurofeedback-treatment/

and yes it all costs money - but food also costs money. treat it as food, food that will really nourish you.

Edited February 19, 2019 by now is forever

[Charlotte]

@kieranperez Have you tried microdosing? 

[Matt23]

Hey.  If you're interested in helping eliminate heavy metal toxicity, iodine might help.

I don't know too much about it, but my mom and grandma have been doing it for a bit and I've started recently.  Apparently it helps eliminating heavy metal toxicity and radiation (apparently it's the only thing that will cure radiation poisoning).  Iodine is put into some table salts, but apparently it's not as effective or the same.  I take mine in a liquid form: 30 minutes before eating or one hour after eating.  Two drops in the morning and two around lunch time.

I found it increases my energy and wakefulness.  They say to not use it in the evening since it can make you stay up.

I've also heard it can have negative side effects if done too much (which may be unique to each person).  

The iodine I take is called EnerG-Iodine.  it says it's colloidal ingestible iodine.  

www.VoiceBio.com

I haven't researched it too much (lazy), but am still taking it.  I'd recommend doing some though.