Feeling that I am "Nothing" - Is that a valid feeling? (Reflecting on Spirituality)

[Shir]

Hey Everyone 

As always, I would to first give my thanks to @Leo Gura for Actualized.org and for the mere existence of this forum. It is appreciated and loved <3

Hopefully I can make this not too long, but recently it struck me that I feel like I am Nothing. I have finished watching Leo's 2 latest vids ("What Is God? - A No Bullshit Explanation For Smart People - Part 1" and "What Is God? - Clear Answers To 70+ Commonly Asked Questions - Part 2") and although there were AMAZING and very insightful, I am feeling quite empty yet validated at the same time for how I'm feeling, in a sense.

For instance, I suffer from Depression (MDD) and I'm in Therapy (not medicated - I refuse)...and recently, I remember just laying in bed and being struck by this DEEP feeling that I am Nothing. Deeply feeling the Nothing that I am. It was powerful yet almost scary. Because, on the one hand I was absolutely moved to TEARS by how humbling it feels to be "Nothing" (even before writing this right now, I was tearful just remembering the feeling itself). On the other hand, you feel so empty...like your whole life/existence is a lie.

For reference sake, I am a spiritual person. I have always believed in reincarnation, and souls ect. I'm just wondering if the sense of feeling like I am Nothing...is it me somehow "tappng" into a part of the nature of source, in a sense? because Leo mentioned that there's this duality of Nothing and Everything. I'm a tad confused and lost to be honest. 

And on another instance, I remember a few months ago in Therapy, I was asked what I THINK I am, and the immediate thought that I said out loud was literally - "Nothing". I will admit it was said with a lot of pain, because of my depression but that's how I sincerely felt at the heat of that moment. 

I have been looking into Pantheism for a long while now and it's been very insightful and awe inspiring. I was thrilled that Leo mentioned it in his latest vid and it was validating to not only tap into the feeling of Pantheism in general (feeling the essence of it in situations here and there), but hearing that that may be the case for the very nature of reality. 

Oh and, just one other thing - If I am Nothing, then who is it that feels the depression? the very PAIN of the depression? That thought has me sincerely confused. I have always thought we are incarnations, a part of source. So naturally, source is feeling a part of the pain (our souls)...but If I am nothing, I don't know how to look at things at all right now..

I would love and appreciate hearing any of your insights

Has anyone else here felt like I do?

P.S - I don't know if this is somewhat of a precursor to the feeling of "I am nothing" but a month or so before starting Therapy (1.5 years ago), I remember feeling deep inside, the thought and feeling that we are born into this world alone, and we die alone. Then funny enough, I heard those EXACT words from my Therapist and that blew my mind...that very nature of being alone. At first I resisted, I almost got angry ("How can you say that! I don't want to here that from MY Therapist!") but...as time has gone by, I cannot help but feel that more and more. Very recently, I heard the very same thing that was said from the heart, from my Professor on one of my Psychology lectures. Now, after seeing Leo's said latest vid...I wonder if this feeling of "alone-ness" and that there is no one - is this kind of also trying to send somewhat of a clue to the nature of reality?

Edited February 18, 2019 by Shir

[Anton Rogachevski]

@Shir

Thank you for sharing dear Shir,

You raise a lot of good questions and you go deep, it's very good! Keep at it and you'll be amazed at how much is there to discover.

I would say that this feeling of nothing is not god's void. A feeling is not it. Void is the ground of experience, what's prior to that feeling. It allows for all to exist, but it stays invisible in the background.

Depression is the loss of connection to god. It's your soul awakening and yearning to seek it's source. 

I wish you health and goodluck fellow traveler!

Godspeed.

Edited February 18, 2019 by Anton Rogachevski

[Mu_]

It sounds like your tapping into something and authentic to your journey into yourself.  I know its temping to want to identify and label it and see if its connected to what others call "their nothing/god/self" but I'd resist the temptation right now.  In the end it doesn't matter if what you connect with as Nothing matches others, no one can tell you what that really is except for yourself.  This is kinda tied to you ultimately being alone AND (perhaps later you will see) everything.

In regards to your last question "Oh and, just one other thing - If I am Nothing, then who is it that feels the depression? the very PAIN of the depression? That thought has me sincerely confused. I have always thought we are incarnations, a part of source. So naturally, source is feeling a part of the pain (our souls)...but If I am nothing, I don't know how to look at things at all right now.."

Don't get attached to the word and belief you are Nothing in a literal sense.  Here, I think your mind/part of you is literally trying to believing itself to be it's idea of a nothing, as in a absence of something.  This is a mind trap.  There is no such thing as a literal nothing.  Infinity/God/Self is a "something".  Literal nothings do not exist, if they did, it would mean there is the absence of infinity/source/god, and this is never the case.

So ultimately who is it that feels depression?  You do.  The very pain?  You do.  Does this mean you have to solve why its there, or make it go away....no.  Does this depression mean something about you?  No.  The pain?  No.  Does this depression perhaps have a logical/linear reason why it arises, like because you have a belief about life or yourself or a pain from a past life, very possibly yes.  Does doing some degree of inquiry and honest looking into have the potential to help it shift, change or disappear....possibly yes, but even if you do come to its reason/bottom, it still may arise in the body/mind (which is totally ok and means nothing about you, and doesn't make life a problem, minus the fact it may be some degree of unpleasant, but even this can be understood and accepted).

 

Edited February 18, 2019 by Mu_

[Ethankahn]

On February 17, 2019 at 9:54 PM, Mu_ said:

 

There is no such thing as a literal nothing.  Infinity/God/Self is a "something".  Literal nothings do not exist, if they did, it would mean there is the absence of infinity/source/god, and this is never the case.

 

Which is why I say that God/Infinity is Anything! ?