I went on a school trip to Austria and cried my eyes out many times

[Ampresus]

Hello everyone. I just came back after being away for 5 days. I went to Austria with 6 classes total (mine included) and tried to ski for the first time. We went with the bus. This means that the first and last day was just being in the bus. We only had 3 full days of skiing (if that is a word).
Now let me give some background information first:
- I am very young
- Because the days were very busy, I couldn't really meditate, self-inquire, do my concentration habit or read any books. So basically I skipped personal development for 5 days

OK so basically the first day... I failed miserably. For some reason all my friends learnt the basics and I didn't. My teacher just acted like she didn't see me fail many times. I mean: I accidentally hit many small children and classmates. Not like she helped me or anything, oh no she was busy teaching everybody else even more stuff. It was really humiliating. Everybody else did just fine, but I failed every task. That woman can kiss my ass. Ignoring me many times, not even looking in my direction or helping me when I got stuck. I felt so bad for everyone who had to suffer because of me.
In the afternoon, I somehow got into a higher group? Like what? I literally didn't know the basics. They put me somewhere high and expected me to succeed in using the sleeplift. I got a mad stupid male teacher. Because of me failing to get out of the sleeplift properly, a small German (or Austrian) girl got stuck in her sleeplift and I got an angry mother screaming at me as if I knew what the fuck I was doing. Oh and the teacher was screaming too. Here is where I cried the first time. I mean, a lot of people were behind me. Probably watching me. Most of the students saw me too. That mom can kiss my ass too, sorry that I didn't grow in the mountains and learnt how to ski. Really, my bad. I will try better next time.
I think you can guess what I thought of skiing. In case you can't: I thought it sucked balls. I failed hard, everybody else was having fun, learning and all that stuff. I kept hurting myself and trying again. At some point I gave up because I was tired of putting my feet properly in the ski's.

Second day was the worst day. They put me in an even higher group. Yeah, the moment I woke up I just didn't want to go to those cursed mountains again. I didn't know the basics and still got somewhere high in the mountains. Like, really high. Just imagine how that went. There was a sleeplift there, which I took (my group was ordered to). It all went fine until the thing stopped by itself. Yes, I was stuck again. The moment it began running, I fell. In the middle of nowhere. I was in a sorta middle place between the bottom where everybody steps on the sleeplift and the top where all the pro's flex on me. I cried my eyes out. It was so lonely there, I felt humiliated and like a failure. I needed to walk a lot to get a bit to the top. All of the sudden a small girl fell too and her father came racing to her. They were both from the same country as me and the man was sweet as hell. I cried even more, but because of my glasses till this day no one saw my tears. The man was so nice to his daughter and told her that it was OK to fail because I did too. Yeah, I cried even more.
Skipping a bit forward after I hurt my left shoulder, my mad teacher said that it would be better if I took a break all the way down the mountain. There is a restaurant where all the students and teachers have the breaks. Of course right now no one was there. It was then when I cried the most. My teacher also said that he was gonna transfer me to a lower group. For one thing I was happy, but I also knew that the man gave up and didn't want me in his stupid group. He can kiss my ass.

Third day and I am in the new group. This is where everything went uphill all of the sudden. My new teacher was the chillest dude I have ever met. He was so patient with me and my 2 other group members. He waited and waited until we mastered what he taught us. The guy is a legend. He gave me constructive criticism and complimented me many times. That man learnt me how to ski and I thanked him in the end of the day for everything. I hope I will become like him. A true legend.

Why am I telling the story? Because till this day I don't know what the best way would have been to deal with those crying moments. How should I have dealt with the humiliation, thoughts of failure and screaming from stupid German people.

Take care,

 

[Salvijus]

What a funny share

5 hours ago, Ampresus said:

Why am I telling the story? Because till this day I don't know what the best way would have been to deal with those crying moments. How should I have dealt with the humiliation, thoughts of failure and screaming from stupid German people.

Take care,
 

I don't know what I'm saying here but if it was me who cried and failed, i would not give too much importence to it

Whatever comes up naturally in any life situation is fine  according to your present level of awareness and maturity, that's the way you act. 

The way you reacted in that situation was enough. Allow these emotions to find expression. You can't do anything about it anyways  

Emotions arise, let them come, and don't make a big deal out of it. Accept that you're not equipt to deal with stressful situations yet 

As you grow spiritually, your behavior will change naturally, you don't need to think about this. 

Don't turn this experience into a techneque. Like okey, next time someone screams at me I'll ignore them, or I'll stay positive. No...

It's best if you don't know how you will react next time. When situation comes you'll find yourself acting in a certain way by itself, unforced and that way will be most appropriate way for you.

What is the best way to act for somebody, maybe is not at all appropriate way to act for you.

What is best for you will happen spontaniously if you don't gather any techneques in your pocket. 

 

 

 

Edited February 17, 2019 by Salvijus

[ajasatya]

On 17/02/2019 at 0:22 PM, Ampresus said:

How should I have dealt with the humiliation, thoughts of failure and screaming from stupid German people.

the humiliation is in your head. let go of the big ego and embrace failure.

why are you meditating?

[Ampresus]

@ajasatya Because I have always wanted to, but never knew how. Until I found actualized.org, that is when I started meditating.

[bejapuskas]

@Ampresus  I am terribly bad at skiing too man, I absolutely feel your pain. But sometimes, you have to learn things the hard way and I think it's the best way. I couldn't go down a hill without falling, until I actually let go of the fear, you are whining too hard man. Let go of this young age excuse and this „people can kiss my ass“ thing. You are gonna feel much better.