Biggest traps and mistakes in self actualisation?

[Miavono]

What are your biggest or most significant traps you've realised/ fallen into or learnt from on your own self actualisation journey? Things you wish you knew years ago, didn't waste so much time on or the things you wish you focused on earlier? 

Is avoiding traps and mistakes in itself a mistake because it's often best to learn from mistakes? 

For me so far my biggest mistakes or traps have been:

overthinking things too much

trying to change too many things at once then crashing

too much theory, not enough practice 

doing things because I think they will please/ impress other people rather than listening for my own authentic desires 

Not addressing subtle addictions: worrying, arguing, procrastinating, social media, complaining, moralising, playing victim, lying to myself and others, blaming and not taking responsibility.

neglecting the simple things in life that you need to take care of first ( habits, food, sleep, money, exercise and overall health) i.e. Getting the hierarchy of needs backwards, doing too much heavy consciousness work and contemplating without taking care of the distractions first. 

Idolising people and their ideas instead of taking them at face value 

being idealogical with my own beliefs and habits and trying to get others to change theirs to back up my bias. Then realising I fucked up and having to admit I was wrong (a valuable lesson but tough to learn the hard way) 

not learning to pace myself and treat it like a marathon rather than a sprint 

forgetting to laugh, have fun, see the funny side of all this and play everyday. I would take everything so seriously

Relying on other people to provide answers and solutions instead of at least trying to figure things out myself first

I'm sure there are many more but those seem to be the most prominent for me, how about you? 

 

[rNOW]

I don't know if there is any way of 'knowing' that would have made me avoid mistakes. Because without awareness, I wouldn't know I'm making mistakes in the first place. So the goal then, is not to avoid mistakes, but to raise awareness. Like you said - lying to myself - I would only know I'm lying to myself if I had some semblance of awareness to recognize it as a lie. 

Now that I think back on my journey here's what I've found:

1. Any answers you find from outside you, need to be verified by you, for you. Not because they're wrong or bad, but they may be wrong or bad for you. 

2. Anything that you think is wrong or bad for you might actually turn out to be right and good for you at a later date, when your awareness about it changes. And yet again at another date, you will probably realize this thinking was wrong again. (I'm not sure if there is an end to this cycle).

3. Keep some room in your life for everything you know about yourself to fall apart and some energy to begin anew, because every new level of awareness brings an identity/existential crisis along with it. There is some space between being who you used to be and becoming who you want to be and for a while that space feels like 'emptiness'. The biggest trap is not having the courage to navigate through this space. 

4. My biggest mistake - living inside my head instead of inside my whole body. And that seems, I've missed most of my life because I'm mostly in my head. And now I've decided before I attempt to change anything, form any new habit, I need to learn to remain present and not run away to safety inside my head. 

 

[Miavono]

@rNOW thanks for the response. Very helpful to sy the least. I do a lot of living inside my head too. It's easy to neglect your own reality if you get too sucked up in your own imagination of what it should/could be like rather than what actually is. 

Verifying things seems crucial because if not I find I can just start living, thinking something is a certain way when I haven't really checked for myself. I then don't actually understand my own principles because it wasn't from my own derivation, it's really just blind faith.

The point about having a midway between realisations and feeling empty or lost is something I definitely experience regularly but you absolutely come through the other side if you allow yourself to keep going. 

Thanks again 

[Shin]

Clearly thinking that knowing the concepts are the real things.

No, the real thing is embodying what is being said in real life, which means concrete and tangible behavior changes.

Edited February 16, 2019 by Shin

[Truth Addict]

@Miavono

There are a lot of traps, it's pointless to name them.

The trick is to be mindful and aware all the time, and to be radically open-minded, and to do the work.

[Gabriel Antonio]

Great topic!

A common trap is spiritual bypassing. For example, because I didn’t want to deal with “real” life problema (school, work, relationships etc), I started to do some very long meditation sessions (4 hours a day). Deep down, I wanted to numb my emotions, not deal with life, and live in eternal bliss. The result of this was terrible...

[Dayo]

The biggest trap for me, which have been weaning myself off bit by bit is the lazy attitude. I watched the videos and read the books. I wasn't setting goals, making plans, doing the practice and in general a very lazy stupid attitude, looking for shortcuts and magic pill solutions. The right attitude is essential in self actualization work.

[BjarkeT]

Thinking there is an easy solution or a magic solution is defiantly a big trap to fall in.

[Miavono]

@Gabriel Antonio thanks! It's something I'm trying to get on top of so I can pursue whatever things I'm doing with a bit more certainty. I know what you mean by just trying to hide with spirituality as if you can just meditate your problems away because you'll be 'woke' if you do it enough. I've had to work hard not to fall into that trap. 

[TheAvatarState]

@Miavono reading someone else's trap and thinking you've got it. That you're somehow immune. I can't think of a single trap I truly learned and understood without at least deep contemplation, Journaling, and direct experience. 

Not saying that a thread like this is pointless, just saying not to take any of this lightly. Your mind is very tricky!

[Gabriel Antonio]

1 hour ago, Miavono said:

thanks! It's something I'm trying to get on top of so I can pursue whatever things I'm doing with a bit more certainty. I know what you mean by just trying to hide with spirituality as if you can just meditate your problems away because you'll be 'woke' if you do it enough. I've had to work hard not to fall into that trap. 

Cool, man. It looks like you’re on the right track

[d0ornokey]

For me its observing my motivations and the reasons I do things. Yeah i might have some "self-actualzied" results, but really I'm suffering because of the negative motivation it came from. 

Moralizing. Not doing something because it's bad. Dont be orange. Dont pursue game, money, hedonism, fun with friends etc. Because its orange and that's "bad". Instead, just keep it as a nice pointer, do what you want and grow. Becuase suppressing yourself really makes you suffer 

Trying to do too many things at once. It's really challenging to focus for me. There are some needs that I need badly fulfilled and dont want to let go. But I realize that if I want results I have no choice but to let go and work on them later. 

Edited February 16, 2019 by d0ornokey

[Sahil Pandit]

@Miavono

 

[Miavono]

@Sahil Pandit ah that's exactly what I was hoping to find although when I searched for 'trap' earlier nothing of significance showed up in the results. I wondered why a list didn't exist already but clearly it does. The search function doesn't seem as effective as it could be. 

Thanks 

[Nahm]

@Miavono Great list. Lot of clarity there. 

I’d add the trap of I am _______, or..... ______’s just the way I am. 

[hyruga]

The biggest trap for some 'Gurus' is that they think they are already self actualized and they spew garbage advises online.