Why do I get depressed when I get into a relationship?

[EvilAngel]

Hi everyone.

I have this problem when I start a relationship - I feel happy when I'm with the girl, but then I get really depressed whenever I'm not with them. It's like being in a relationship brings my deepest feelings to the forefront of my awareness. When I'm not in a relationship, I don't have this problem because there aren't the highs and lows. I don't feel much at all when I'm not in a relationship, which I find easier to deal with (so for that reason I tend to avoid relationships).

My ex contacted me on Valentines, and I'm thinking about getting back with her, but I don't know if its the best idea. I broke off the relationship a few months ago because I felt we didn't have enough in common, but I also feel like I didn't give her a real chance (as we were only together a couple weeks). I was at school with her 15 years ago, and she asked me out back then, but I said no. Then we met last year and had a nice time for a couple of weeks. 

The main thing I'm saying is that for me, love=pain, which is why I've not been with someone for more than a few months in my whole life. Is this something I have to just work through, and things will get better with time? Do I need to give my partner more time before I call things off? That's what I'm thinking, but I'd appreciate you good people's insights and advice...

[Forestluv]

For me, it boils down to need-based seeking. I subconsciously feel incomplete and desire that the relationship will bring a sense of wholeness - which it will never do because I am seeing separation (me and her). The deeper realization is that I am already whole in every moment Now. Yet, that takes a lot of work to embody. I'm still working toward it.

I have had glimpses into dynamics in relationships that are not need-based and they are beyond magnificent. Yet, it's rare two such beings come together.

[Eric Tarpall]

Maybe because you feel like you have something to lose. I would let go of the desire to own her. Owning girls is pleasurable but it's a pipedream because they have free will.