I feel emotionally bad day(s) after sex

[ramdom133]

Hi all,

I am a 26 years (apparently) very healthy male.

I will keep it simple. In the last years I have been noticing that I feel emotionally drained a few days after sex. 
To illustrate, the day after I ejaculate, either sexually or through PMO, I can notice that my energy and motivation drops and also that my thought pattern has changed for a few days. I even feel like crying sometimes, a few days after sex. Then after 4/5 days I feel good again.

I find it difficult to understand this because sexuality has always been a strong point in my life and I believe in yours as well.

Has anyone ever experienced this ? 

Thanks a lot

[Leo Gura]

Next time it happens contemplate: Why is this happening? What is the point of this? Why am I creating this reaction?

Don't ask us. Ask yourself.

[Pallero]

Sex is a powerful release. It disarms you and opens you up. You have to be completely surrendered and intimate in order to have an orgasm.

The reason that you feel bad after sex is that your real feelings are coming to the surface. How you feel after sex is how you actually feel about yourself and your life all the time, but you're suppressing it.

So next time it happens, look into it with compassion. Sounds to me like you're depressed but you don't want to admit it.

[flowboy]

@ramdom133 This happens to me too! It's normal but not everyone notices

It's because after a peak orgasm, your oxytocin levels peak and immediately drop, making you less eager to cuddle.

your dopamine levels start dropping with a delay, and after day 3 they're at a low. At this point I regularly feel emotionally unstable and have many cravings for sugar and coffee and whatever.

Your prolactin levels start going up, and then slowly come back down.

If you're sensitive to this, try not cumming for 3 weeks, and see how AMAZING you feel. At 17 days your dopamine is back its peak, and you will feel fresh as a newborn baby that's never fapped before

I tend to feel super clear, energetic, masculine, positive after day 15. Like I never thought I could feel like that, it's amazing.

But it's tough getting there ?

Edited March 24, 2019 by flowboy

[flowboy]

On 15-2-2019 at 9:01 PM, Pallero said:

You have to be completely surrendered and intimate in order to have an orgasm.

This is true for women, not for men.

 

On 15-2-2019 at 9:01 PM, Pallero said:

The reason that you feel bad after sex is that your real feelings are coming to the surface. How you feel after sex is how you actually feel about yourself and your life all the time, but you're suppressing it.

There's no such thing as real feelings vs not real feelings. If I eat gluten, I will be sad all day. If I don't, I'm happy. Which feelings are real?

@Pallero  you're suggesting here to take these feelings very seriously. I think that's a bad idea. Rather, observe and disidentify. Don't get carried away believing all your thoughts.

 

Edited March 24, 2019 by flowboy

[Gabriel Antonio]

I think you were influenced by the NoFap beliefs. Ejaculating relaxes the muscles. That's it. 

Maybe you have a slight depression... 

 

[Margo89]

Ejaculating is a good feel, Don't be influenced by anything. 

[Pallero]

On 24.3.2019 at 2:35 AM, flowboy said:

This is true for women, not for men.

Yes, that’s true. I didn’t take that into consideration. But isn’t it true that men feel vulnerable and exposed after ejaculation?

On 24.3.2019 at 2:35 AM, flowboy said:

There's no such thing as real feelings vs not real feelings. If I eat gluten, I will be sad all day. If I don't, I'm happy. Which feelings are real?

Also true. I agree. I meant that there are suppressed feelings that are just as true as all the other ones and they are coming to the surface after ejaculating.

On 24.3.2019 at 2:35 AM, flowboy said:

@Pallero  you're suggesting here to take these feelings very seriously. I think that's a bad idea. Rather, observe and disidentify. Don't get carried away believing all your thoughts.

Well, let the thread starter decide. He can try both methods and decide what works for him.

[flowboy]

11 hours ago, Pallero said:

But isn’t it true that men feel vulnerable and exposed after ejaculation?

No, not at all. I've never heard of that from any man.

Personally I feel sleepy or hungry and emotionally quite cold and nonattached right after.

[Pallero]

18 hours ago, flowboy said:

Personally I feel sleepy or hungry and emotionally quite cold and nonattached right after.

Ok, not everyone feels it equally strongly or give it the same meaning.

But I would say that sleepiness and hunger are signs or getting relaxed (you don't want to sleep or eat when you are stressed unless you have an eating disorder) and isn't relaxation vulnerability? A person is also very exposed i.e. while they sleep. That's why people with anxiety suffer from insomnia. They fear being exposed.

I'm not saying it's like this with everyone of course, but this is one perspective.

And feeling emotionally cold and nonattached right after sex with another person or masturbation on your own? In any case, I would take a look into those emotions, just like I advised the topic starter to do. But only if they bother you of course.

Edited April 4, 2019 by Pallero
adding stuff

[Pallero]

@ramdom133 @flowboy

You might find these articles validating and informative:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/science-wants-to-figure-out-why-men-get-sad-after-sex

They don't actually give you any solutions. The solution would be hiding in the emotions that you are experiencing.

Edited April 4, 2019 by Pallero
added stuff

[Elisabeth]

@ramdom133 There could be a drop after intense experiences. 

In bdsm this phenomenon is known as "subdrop", where (usually the submissive party) feels depressed in the days following the scene. It's attributed to a) the physical exhaustion, where the body has used up hormons, minerals..., and b) the sharp contrast between feeling intensely "high" or "in love", and then having to go about the mundane tasks. (Somehow, cuddling after the scene and also in the following days is known to help a bit ;))

It's not that usual (but not unheard of) after regular sex. 

(I also suspect it's a similar mechanism that causes the drop after mdma - haven't tried though.)

See what's the matter in your case, maybe it's a vulnerable feeling surfacing, like suddenly you notice you're lonely; but maybe some extra sleep and nutrition can help too.