Am I the one manifesting this...?

[billiesimon]

Are your emotional issues with women going to manifest in "real life" like magic?

I've been going out at parties and bars recently to chat up some girls and people, and often I've heard VERY confrontational lines from some girls, ESPECIALLY the real nice and peaceful girls!

I mean phrases like: "ahah you deserve the worst, you are a loser". Or "I hope some huge guy beats you up, I would laugh". And these two examples come from the same girl at a bar, who is a very very nice and gentle girl!!! And the problem is not my attitude, since I'm very nice, polite, and politically correct with all of them. In fact I got triggered very hard and told the girl that she's being rude with a very peaceful and nice guy, and she told me to relax because "it's just a joke". But I can assure you that she was very confrontational and arrogant when saying it. And after that she talked to me all night and was having fun with me, it was not a dismissing line!

I don't think that it is a shit test.

This happened with other nice girls too recently.

I have emotional issues with women (anima possession, I tend to see women as cold and really judging of me etc...), are these situations some kind of manifestation of my inner struggling?

[non_nothing]

your problem is youre too serious.

you should have said the opposite to the girl: I hope a huge dick black guy fucks you in the ass.

 

then cover it with it was just a joke.

Edited February 13, 2019 by non_nothing

[Leo Gura]

@billiesimon Don't take things girls at a bar say to you seriously.

Just talk to more girls.

[Space]

@billiesimon Definitely shit tests!

Edited February 13, 2019 by Space

[Bluebird]

If it triggers an emotional response then there is likely a subconscious emotional pattern here that will keep being triggered until addressed.

Feeling into the emotion that arises fully until it dissipates is the best solution. Then these things genuinely don't bother you can passing a shit test like that could become effortless. Just do it each time you feel the feeling arise.

If it doesn't bother you, then yeah, just talk to more girls.

[Pallero]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@billiesimon Don't take things girls at a bar say to you seriously.

Just talk to more girls.

No. Do take it seriously. If you don't address it, it will get worse.

3 hours ago, Bluebird said:

If it triggers an emotional response then there is likely a subconscious emotional pattern here that will keep being triggered until addressed.

This.

Those confrontations are manifesting to make you conscious of your own self-hate. You need to address that.

[billiesimon]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@billiesimon Don't take things girls at a bar say to you seriously.

Just talk to more girls.

Well, I'm definitely going to go out more and improve!

[billiesimon]

52 minutes ago, Pallero said:

No. Do take it seriously. If you don't address it, it will get worse.

This.

Those confrontations are manifesting to make you conscious of your own self-hate. You need to address that.

How do I address it specifically? What's the right procedure?

[Pallero]

3 hours ago, billiesimon said:

How do I address it specifically? What's the right procedure?

Okay, here's some questions for you to contemplate. When you got triggered, how did you feel? How did it feel to have someone nice and gentle say those things to you out of the blue even though you were perfectly nice to them? What kind of things is that out of the blue rudeness triggering? Surprise? Shock? Feeling betrayed? Helplessness? Hate?

You can look into your past and ask how did that same thing happen when you were a child? In what situations did someone you trusted and thought of as nice and gentle spring verbal abuse at you even though you had done nothing wrong? (Hint: it's probably your mother or another primary caregiver.) And how did that make you feel? It's normal, if you don't remember anything at first. We tend to block those memories - that's why they remain undealt with and manifest later in life! This is a trauma that you didn't know how to deal with when it happened. That's why you pushed in into subconscious. But it's there and it wants you to look at it now. If you don't, it won't go away.

You said correctly that your emotional issues will manifest just like you described. You know this to be true. They manifest, because the universe wants you to heal them and move on. I know it's not easy, but you can do it.

I don't know how this will be healed in you, because there are many different paths. But if you set the intention to heal it, the universe will help you to heal it. The important thing is, don't treat this as something to fix in yourself. If you do that, it won't go away, because fixing is resistance. You're looking to allow it to heal, so approach this as an opportunity to understand yourself better and a chance to love yourself as you are.

Hope this helps!

[Emerald]

On ‎2‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 1:29 PM, billiesimon said:

Are your emotional issues with women going to manifest in "real life" like magic?

I've been going out at parties and bars recently to chat up some girls and people, and often I've heard VERY confrontational lines from some girls, ESPECIALLY the real nice and peaceful girls!

I mean phrases like: "ahah you deserve the worst, you are a loser". Or "I hope some huge guy beats you up, I would laugh". And these two examples come from the same girl at a bar, who is a very very nice and gentle girl!!! And the problem is not my attitude, since I'm very nice, polite, and politically correct with all of them. In fact I got triggered very hard and told the girl that she's being rude with a very peaceful and nice guy, and she told me to relax because "it's just a joke". But I can assure you that she was very confrontational and arrogant when saying it. And after that she talked to me all night and was having fun with me, it was not a dismissing line!

I don't think that it is a shit test.

This happened with other nice girls too recently.

I have emotional issues with women (anima possession, I tend to see women as cold and really judging of me etc...), are these situations some kind of manifestation of my inner struggling?

Perhaps she really was joking, but not really realizing that it was really bothering you. This especially could be true if she were at the bar and drinking.

When I was younger, I had a tendency to assume that guys were emotionless because they hid their emotions due to social expectations around manhood. But I wasn't really aware of this. I just thought, "Guys are tough. I can tease them a bit and fake-insult them and they won't mind." And looking back, I was sometimes really blunt about it and assumed that they knew it was a joke and most of them genuinely knew that... I think. And it's what I would do if I liked a guy or if I had a guy friend that I was also somewhat flirty with. I was quite Helga Pataki when I was in middle and early high school especially.

But one time, I was 19 and I was teasing my friend Nick that he was secretly gay. And it wasn't really a one-sided thing because he would tease me that I was a lesbian and stuff like that. But he was always telling me to stop, but I didn't really think he meant it because of his tone. But one day, he really blew up on me and I was shocked how hurt he was. I had no idea that I was really bothering him with my comments. So, I apologized. But it really made me consider that maybe a lot of men are more emotional than they let on. 

But if I had to bet money, I'm guessing that this is the mindset of that girl and the other girls that you've heard talking like that. There is an underlying assumption that guys don't have strong emotions, and girls tend to assume the guys that they know have iron-clad self-esteem. I was really surprised that so many men seem to have a lot of anxieties about talking to women in general. I always heard that in movies and things like that, but I never considered that it could actually be a common experience among men as I just didn't see many signs of it. Men hide vulnerabilities pretty well. I really only know about it because of the internet.

So, that's my take on it. 

Now, the woman at the bar was probably being drunk in general. So, this probably compounded any problem behaviors that already existed. She probably really did think she was joking and flirting with you, but was too drunk to realize that her comments were inappropriate and coming off that way. And women get nervous about letting a guy know that they like him, so they'll often use teasing and making fun to flirt with a guy while being able to hide their flirting. 

 

[billiesimon]

14 hours ago, Pallero said:

Okay, here's some questions for you to contemplate. When you got triggered, how did you feel? How did it feel to have someone nice and gentle say those things to you out of the blue even though you were perfectly nice to them? What kind of things is that out of the blue rudeness triggering? Surprise? Shock? Feeling betrayed? Helplessness? Hate?

You can look into your past and ask how did that same thing happen when you were a child? In what situations did someone you trusted and thought of as nice and gentle spring verbal abuse at you even though you had done nothing wrong? (Hint: it's probably your mother or another primary caregiver.) And how did that make you feel? It's normal, if you don't remember anything at first. We tend to block those memories - that's why they remain undealt with and manifest later in life! This is a trauma that you didn't know how to deal with when it happened. That's why you pushed in into subconscious. But it's there and it wants you to look at it now. If you don't, it won't go away.

You said correctly that your emotional issues will manifest just like you described. You know this to be true. They manifest, because the universe wants you to heal them and move on. I know it's not easy, but you can do it.

I don't know how this will be healed in you, because there are many different paths. But if you set the intention to heal it, the universe will help you to heal it. The important thing is, don't treat this as something to fix in yourself. If you do that, it won't go away, because fixing is resistance. You're looking to allow it to heal, so approach this as an opportunity to understand yourself better and a chance to love yourself as you are.

Hope this helps!

Thanks, I'm going to follow this procedure! 

[billiesimon]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

So, that's my take on it. 

Thanks, your replies are the most useful female perspectives 

 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

There is an underlying assumption that guys don't have strong emotions, and girls tend to assume the guys that they know have iron-clad self-esteem.

That's a huge societal problem that bothers me a lot. In the past I was hiding emotions all the time and I was always stoic and cold/robotic, while being damaged on the inside. In the recent years I've become a lot more open and honest about my emotions, especially with girls. When I was stoic my beliefs about women were very harsh, I thought they were arrogant and insensitive. Now that I've started to be honest and openly emotional I see that girls are actually empaths and care about it, which is healing my damaged view of women. But it's true that some girls are actually rude with nice guys. Since I'm very emotional and empathetic, this societal problem bothers me really hard.

 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

And it's what I would do if I liked a guy or if I had a guy friend that I was also somewhat flirty with. 

 

She probably really did think she was joking and flirting with you, but was too drunk to realize that her comments were inappropriate and coming off that way. And women get nervous about letting a guy know that they like him, so they'll often use teasing and making fun to flirt with a guy while being able to hide their flirting. 

I don't understand this part. I get it that flirting includes also some jokes and teasing, but not faking insults and triggering nice peaceful people out of the blue (it was completely random, since I was just chilling).

Why does a girl need to tease this hard if she likes someone? Isn't it counterproductive and counter-intuitive?

To be honest my first gf also did this kind of hard teasing at my first date, and weeks later I told her about this and she apologized telling me it was just to poke me to make me catch her. I don't get this female behaviour, especially because we're talking about nice girls, and not asshole girls. And this triggers my feminine shadow a lot.

What's your female perspective on this tricky behaviour?