Bouncing Back and Forth From Ego to Authentic Self

[VictorB02]

I feel like I am bouncing back and forth between my ego and my divine self, or authentic self.

Its like I have a period of few days of realization of "holy shit, its all okay, I am everything, life is so good!" then, a period of "I feel like shit, everything is bothering me, why do I feel this way?"  and then it bounces back to "Omg I forgot everything about life that I was so amazed and  mesmerized over last week! How did I forget this! This is amazing!"

It literally feels like I am about to fully become my authentic self, live out my days in peace, and excel in everything I do, and then BOOM! it will just switch and flop back in a short period of time to an egoic, delusional, monkey-mind, pissed-off, state of living.

So any ideas what is going on here? 

I understand that this is all apart of growth, and most of this seems like ego backlash, but boy is it one hell of a rollercoaster lately!

Any advice or comments is appreciated, thank you!

[Truth Addict]

Just keep watching this "pendulum" dynamic. And stop wanting to stay at any extreme, because wanting to be something and not something else is an egoic trap.

Let go of control. Control is an illusion.

It works counter-intuitively, once you stop wanting it, you have it.

Edited February 12, 2019 by Truth Addict

[VictorB02]

@Truth Addict thank you ! 

This is very true. I will follow your advice 

[Wisebaxter]

I'm having this issue myself and I would imagine that 99% of people on the spiritual path are. Your ego is an entity that wants to survive so it will keep changing the goal posts and trying to pull you back. Add to that the game of survival we are all conditioned to play on a daily basis. I'm not really one to give advice as I'm gripped in the same dynamic, but my gut instinct says - don't demonise the ego at all or see it as a fight. The ego loves a good fight as you're acknowledging it's existence by doing so and strengthening it. Like @VictorB02 said, let go of control. Apparently even enlightened folk have something called 'burnt rope ego' where they can still experience ego but it's severely diminished and they see it for what it is. So it's not like it ever vanishes completely anyway. Keep coming back to the thoughtless state whenever you can, doing the practices etc, over time the backlashes will ease up I'm sure. 

[VictorB02]

@Wisebaxter thank you man! I agree 100% 

 

[Highest]

After being in non-dual conscious state, where Consciousness (God) is I and everything, the ego state will come back after some good time. Not conscious of what it means. The mind trying to make sense of it. The goal should be to become fully conscious, understand and grasp it all in that moment. And then stay as that as soon as the ego dual conscious state comes, and understand what it means and what it's all about, including the mind. Eventually, the illusion/deceiver/falsehood will be understood eventually, gradually.

 

 

 

 

[Shin]

It looks like you identify to those state of mind + thoughts.

In my experience, when I was able to stay behind the thoughts construct all the time, there was never such a rollercoaster ever.

It may happen, but I was always there to watch it happen, so It didn't matter.

Care more about being the watcher, the seer behind the thoughts, this will set you free, not being a in certain state of mind, this will always change.

[VictorB02]

@Shin thank you man that helped a lot

[cetus]

22 hours ago, VictorB02 said:

I feel like I am bouncing back and forth between my ego and my divine self, or authentic self.

@VictorB02 Be careful that's not a trap because divine self can sometimes be just an extention of the ego. To actually become one with the divine self (being) there would be no going back to the illusion of the ego again. Just for an example, lets say one day your parents came to you and told you that you were adopted. How could you ever believe again that they were your true biological parents? It would totally change the way you define yourself.

[Forestluv]

@VictorB02 I'd be careful with the concept of "Ego" and "Authentic Self". This can create a "good ego" vs. "bad ego" dynamic (in which "Authentic Self" is the aspects of ego that are pleasing). For me, a construct of higher and lower conscious states resonates more. Through my day, the conscious level of my mind-body can fluctuate from being immersed in the personal story (a contracted state) to a trans-personal collective consciousness (a more expansive state).

Human mind-bodies are conditioned to reside in the personal story. Once a mind glimpses a more expansive state, it may appear that there are only two states that of mind: personal and trans-personal. Yet upon further inspection, one will find there are many flavors of trans-personal consciousness. 

In SD, it is tier2 flexible flow along the spiritual line of development.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Good thread. 

Vulnerability and authenticity.

Practical advice and wisdom.

Understanding and relaxing into what Teacher Cynthia Bourgeault calls natural ebb and flow of yo-yo of being.