Outside opinion needed

[Liger]

For the past 3 and a half years I have been with my girlfriend. I was her first love and her first everything, everything was going great until this past summer. We were both  living in Dallas until she moved to college station because she expected me to be there (I however changed career paths), so she remained there alone. While there she made some new friends and changed a lot, from being the super shy type reading books at home to clubbing and partying every single week. While this was going on she told me that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me and she wanted to just live life. So from that day we haven't spoken much, we speak maybe once every two months or so, but recently shes been talking to me more often and I can tell from the way shes talking that she wants to get back together. I feel like I am still attached to the old version of her, even though I know that that version of her is completely gone. I mean its just hard to be with someone for almost 4 years and just have them do a 180 in a matter of a month. I dont even know what I am asking you guys here, I just needed to type all of this out and hear the opinion of others. I just feel like I need to stop trying to figure this stuff out on my own and talk to people, even if its through the internet. Thanks...

[Charlotte]

Hi @Liger do you love this girl unconditionally? Truthfully?

[Liger]

Honestly Charlotte, I do definitely still love her, but to sit here and say that I love her unconditionally would be a stretch. There are numerous conditions that I'm sure would make me lose my love for her. But I feel like I'm attached to the version of herself that I had been with for 3 years, and not the one that she is now. She used to be the kindest soul and would honestly do everything in her power not to hurt me and to keep me happy. Ironically now it really feels like the opposite, for example, when I talked to her the other day she was mentioning how guys were all over her at the club and all the details. She knows me better than anyone and knows that me picturing those scenes would hurt me, yet she insisted on it. I feel weak that I cant let go of her and accept that shes a changed person, I just keep holding on to that 1% chance that I'll get that version of her that I was so in love with. Apologies for the long read.

[outlandish]

It's over IMO. Sounds like it's time to let go of her, and move on, in order for both of you to grow as individuals. You're both young, she probably needs to experience other loves, you're saying in love in the past tense, you're probably attached to a person she isn't anymore, and it sounds like you don't even live in the same place.

If you do decide to end it, make very sure of your decision, and when you do it, be decisive about it, no waffling.

[Good-boy]

8 hours ago, Liger said:

For the past 3 and a half years I have been with my girlfriend. I was her first love and her first everything, everything was going great until this past summer. We were both  living in Dallas until she moved to college station because she expected me to be there (I however changed career paths), so she remained there alone. While there she made some new friends and changed a lot, from being the super shy type reading books at home to clubbing and partying every single week. While this was going on she told me that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me and she wanted to just live life. So from that day we haven't spoken much, we speak maybe once every two months or so, but recently shes been talking to me more often and I can tell from the way shes talking that she wants to get back together. I feel like I am still attached to the old version of her, even though I know that that version of her is completely gone. I mean its just hard to be with someone for almost 4 years and just have them do a 180 in a matter of a month. I dont even know what I am asking you guys here, I just needed to type all of this out and hear the opinion of others. I just feel like I need to stop trying to figure this stuff out on my own and talk to people, even if its through the internet. Thanks...

Simply breakup with her and start banging hot girls every weekend. You are attached to her which is the cause of your suffering man.

[Liger]

@outlandish Yeah, we don't live in the same place and its been that way for 2 years. But the first year was when I moved out, and I still kept in touch with her often and everything was normal. Then this year is the year she moved away and all this happened. But i think you're right, I'm attached to an old version of her, a version that was pretty unexposed to anything, so I guess this is the real her when has opportunities. 

[Liger]

@Good-boy That is a lot easier said than done haha. But I do agree, I think if I had more options readily available to me things would be a lot easier to deal with. I've just never been too crazy about RSD and stuff of that nature, probably just a fear tbh. It also hurts knowing that she'd have such an easy time since has so many friends and options.

[Forestluv]

To me, it seems like you two are growing apart as a new stage of life emerges. To stay together, I think the two of you would need to come together - have heart-to-heart talks and create a new level of commitment. For all you know, she was just experimenting with a new college atmosphere - new friends, parties etc. The excitement of newness may have worn off and a deeper stronger connection of your relationship is emerging. Or, she could be drifting off a new path that is unsettling and she has some residual feelings for the relationship that gives her a sense of comfort.

If you decide to stay together, it will probably involve some work that you two haven't had to do before.

I had a similar situation. In high school, we were super close and in love. Then after a couple years of college she changed. I didn't really know her anymore. She started wearing leather jackets, lots of make-up and big hair with lots of fritzy stuff. I was like "who is this?".

[Dumb Enlightened]

On 11/02/2019 at 10:06 PM, Good-boy said:

Simply breakup with her and start banging hot girls every weekend. You are attached to her which is the cause of your suffering man.

I agree, no men should suffer because of women.

[SFRL]

 

[NoSelfSelf]

Ask yourself why would you invest in someone that doesnt love you?You are operating from a place that you wont get better and its a struggle to find new one you are attached to comfort and be honest there are many more amazing girls than her and if you had options with them you wont be thinking about this one for long and she probably feels that you have no option that you are not the best option for her...yeah and you are not standing up to yourself not having any bounderies she can sense that too so shes finding a new guy..because you are not strong...

Edited February 21, 2019 by NoSelfSelf