I could use other peoples POV - my problems honed down

[Joshuas]

Introduction

For the past months something is creeping on me. I’ve honed this down to four problems. One add-on for the intro, I tend hide my weaknesses with my strengths.

 

My problems honed down ( underlined part = the core - The rest = further explanation)

- My days lack structure, this makes me wander, waste time, stumble around and makes things feel meaningless. It disturbs my natural rhythms, I can feel that effect in my energy. My school schedule changes every 10 weeks or so, I’ve tried to set up rhythms around it, but I haven’t been able to make that stick well.

- I’m afraid that I will never have a Romance/relationship. To me it doesn’t feel like not dating or having nothing going on, it feels like it will never happen anymore. This makes me act in self sabotaging ways and in general makes me feel more stuck then I have to be. I can concretely (self-sabotaging and feeling stuck) see how these two work against me, but this fear feels very real to me, the idea of being lonely forever sulks in me.

- I am sticking to friends, even though being in that group and at the same time trying to work on my life feels like dragging a ball and chain around. They still trigger stuff in me that is entangled with destructive behavior which I’ve worked really hard on to work out. Being around them feels toxic. But it feels unjust to stop hanging out with them because they like me around, we’ve been friends for a long time and they basically did nothing wrong. They are more or less the typical stoner group (more or less). They did nothing wrong, but hanging out with them means being in an environment of everything that I’ve worked to undo (junk food binging, weed, binge gaming, it’s really more than just a lazy evening, it’s like marinating in toxic laziness). After such an evening I wake up terrible and my weekends starts of like drag.

-I’ve been working to improve myself for the past three+ years and it feels like every time I get my hopes up, get inspired, try to take grounded action I end up getting slapped in the face some time after because I either ended up not sustaining the positive behavior or being indulged in the negative behavior again. This is really starting to get at me slowly more and more. I see myself as a resilient person, so admitting seems to me like being stuck without an actualize-able way out.

 

How these problems interact

The getting dragged down by my friends makes it hard to stick to good habits for a long time, making me not getting the big benefits they can have. Not sticking to these habits and not getting the results makes me insecure. That insecurity indirectly feeds into my fear of never having a romance/relationship, feeding into the self-sabotaging. Not sticking to these habits is also the reason my days lack structure. All of these feed into the getting slapped in the face pattern.

 

How I am going to approach the coming period

-       I am going to try to be more genuine to people, If I’m not feeling good I won’t say ‘I’m fine’. 

-       I’m going to face up to letting go of my friends. I have no idea how this will playout. I will start hanging out with them even less then I’ve already been doing. Even right now as I write this feels very harsh towards them.

-       I am going to work on getting a good grasp on the following three things:

-       Assessing where I am right now in my life. No judgement of the past, no desire for the future, just assessing who and where I am.

-       Understanding and going over what I can become. I want this to be concrete and realistic. This isn’t about dreaming, this is about understanding the playing field of the coming short and long term.

-       Working on crystallising my vision through journaling at first (before I’m going to start any new visualisation practice)

 

Conclusion + asking for advice

- Does anyone have any experience with letting go of old friends? And what was it like emotionally and practically? I do have other friends in my life in outside of school, it’s different then long old friends, but it feels well :).

- Just in general, reading over all of that (if you are still reading, thank you so much!), what is your opinion and advice?

To end it, things aren’t terrible for me, I have some things going for me, but this really damaged and hurts me. I won’t be able to go forward without working these problems out.

[bejapuskas]

@Joshuas  Hey buddy! I will give you advice in the areas of life that I feel like I know. That means that I won't be advising you about relationships, because I am a single teenager, who has dated like 1 girl

Your days lack structure: Get a regular sleep schedule of 7 to 8 hours of sleep. This will help you tremendously, trust me. Then say to yourself: what are the things that I really have to do? (school, sleeping, eating maybe you have some more) Then go from the last thing (for example: going to sleep, 10 pm) and ask yourself what do you want to do. For example: I go to sleep at 10 pm, so I have to stop doing all the other things at 9 pm, so I can stretch, read, meditate, take a shower... (have a solid morning/evening routine like this) Always work on one thing at a time (you are probably trying to fix too many things and that's why you get slapped), but never miss a day, it's your new mandatory thing. You can write something like: I will meditate and stick it on your door.

You aren't satisfied with your friends: I struggled with this as well, my friends started so drink, smoke, party etc... and I didn't like it. I never drank or smoked, but I still went to parties. Honestly, it felt meh, so now I feel like not going there. Maybe you feel like that also with your friends, but you are affraid to just leave the group or spend a lot more time in it - go for it. I don't think that people are gonna care that much, and if they do, they probably aren't good friends. Instead, ask other people here on forum, chat them up, start new hobbies to meet new people... Having more developed older friends can benefit you so much, because they have maybe went through the problems that are bothering you and they can offer you some help. 

Also, watch Leo's video on death contemplation and DO THE EXERCISE to find out, how serious are you really about improving your life? You might even hape like a mystical experience or feel really uncomfortable, but it's a very effective method  

[RichardY]

Yeah don't just do journaling establish a commonplace/Spell book.

Either learn philosophy or "make friends and influence people." Probably most people would do better with the later.

Consider your place in the male socio-sexual hierarchy. (Hint it's genetic & Epi-genetic) Alpha, Beta, Gamma(Expedient), Delta(Regular guy), Omega, Lambda(Easy come easy go), Sigma(James Bond). I would say most people on the forum are Gammas, some Lambdas. Goes back to Aristotle in work on rhetoric.

Consider dropping out of school and going your own way. Virtually no one ever does. The time is so inefficient, changing classes, limited time, the whole thing is stupid, especially now with the Internet.

[Joshuas]

On 11/02/2019 at 3:01 PM, bejapuskas said:

@Joshuas

Also, watch Leo's video on death contemplation and DO THE EXERCISE to find out, how serious are you really about improving your life? You might even hape like a mystical experience or feel really uncomfortable, but it's a very effective method  

Contemplating Death, i think that could be some good advice. I am working to establish a sleep schedule aswell, which works well, works good. I've been making some steps for myself and feeling into certain things about my life.

On 11/02/2019 at 4:29 PM, RichardY said:

Yeah don't just do journaling establish a commonplace/Spell book.

Either learn philosophy or "make friends and influence people." Probably most people would do better with the later.

Consider your place in the male socio-sexual hierarchy. (Hint it's genetic & Epi-genetic) Alpha, Beta, Gamma(Expedient), Delta(Regular guy), Omega, Lambda(Easy come easy go), Sigma(James Bond). I would say most people on the forum are Gammas, some Lambdas. Goes back to Aristotle in work on rhetoric.

Consider dropping out of school and going your own way. Virtually no one ever does. The time is so inefficient, changing classes, limited time, the whole thing is stupid, especially now with the Internet.

Commonplace book, got that going, work very good.

Reading "make friends and lnfulence people" is on my to read list, i've heard many good things about it. I'm reading another book that is important for my life now. 

Considering my socio hierachy, my genes are good, I've been noticing more and more Epi-genes activating as i induldge myself in more diverse experiences over the past years. I would say i am an Expedient with the potential for Alpha. So i got some chance, but i need to get a what i call ''social engine" going, a working way to meet new people on a regular basis. 

About dropping out of school. Oh some though advice :). I'm almost at the end of a study, it's a bit long to go into, but choosing the study i did was by very specific desing. So finisihing that is the way i am going to go. Having said that, of course self-education is part of the plan and part of what i do on rather daily basis.

 

@bejapuskas Thanks for the advice. Advice from me to you, don't wait too long with taking up dating, it's important you will find out one way or the other that learning that is an important part of your own growth.

@RichardY Thank you for the advice my man.

For you both, i am working to make some important steps in myself. I feel a time of renewal, centering myself, goining through and learning coming. Now i must work to act on that. I'll let you guys now how things go  

[RichardY]

@Joshuas

"Make Friends" - Beta. "Influence people" - Gamma. I did start listening to the book, but utterly hated it, I think because of it's appeal to Ego. In the flesh might be different, plus the book is dated, probably a newer book in keeping more with the times might be better. I did hear "Choose yourself" by James Altcher is ok.    

Alpha - Excellent concerted emotional control, and expression. Tend to be physically the strongest.

I think if you want to go to Alpha, you first have to get to Beta, then get rid of the gamma traits as much as you can. Personally I think that seems a lot of work emotively & physically. Alternatively Delta might be easier. Alpha/Gamma, would be your brute criminal types.

Audiobooks are excellent, with something like scribd if you don't like the book you can listen to something else. Audible is good to have on your phone.

What's the book you're looking at reading? I think it's a potential for improvement, that more book ideas are talked about.

[Joshuas]

@RichardY The book i'm reading right now is about something i'm not going in yet on the forum.  

But here is a bit of my book list, the books that i want to read in the coming years (not everything, just a few of them)

These books i want to use to form a concrete personal framework for self-development, so for personal means.

• The heroes journey - Joseph Campbell
• Towards a psychology of being - Abraham Maslow
• Spiral Dynamics - Don Edward Beck, Christopher C. Cowan 
• The 7 habits of highly effective people - Stephen Covey (i've started it, it's good, but the book i'm reading now is a priority for me)

These are books that might help me with some issues

• Approaching Women - Justin Stenstorm
• Courage under Fire - John Amodeo
• Managing oneself - Peter F. Drucker 
• The four hour workweek - Timothy Ferris
• Break Through difficult Emotions - Shinzen Young

And some books that intrigue me

• King Warrior Magician Lover - Robert Moore
• Systems Thinking - Jamshid Garhajedaghi
• Spiritual Emergence - Stanislav Grov
• Opportunity - Eben Pagan
• Alchemy & Mysticism - Alexander Roob

After finishing my current book I will either finish 'The 7 habits of highly effective people' or read 'Approaching Women'. I got more in my personal book list, but this is what seems to be the juiciest stuff.

But really, this post is not about books. So lets not go much more into that.