Awakening - how do you keep hold of it?

[Surfingthewave]

I'm sat on the bus going to work. I'm frustrated, angry, tired, feeling heaviness, suffering ego backlash, drowning in fear and bugged out. I haven't slept for days am I'm trying to meditate. My meditation practice seems fruitless. Then suddenly there's space, presence. I'm not only aware of being aware of all this intensity but I'm feeling joy. I feel joy because it's no longer me. It's no longer my story. How, dear readers, do I retain this feeling??? 

[Vingger]

It's you who is creating the energy bubble

Try this, instead of saying i'm frustrated, simply said it in a way you understand that is yourself which is creating it,

not awareness which is complete and has no problems

[okulele]

By coming back again and again. Persistently. What else can you do?

[Vingger]

i'm frustrating

[TisDoney]

Remember to savor the moment. When frustrated maybe practice being thankful for 3 to 5 things in that very moment. 

Feel it again? 3-5 new things.

During my divorce I probably reached 30 different things in a day. You've got this. 

[Truth Addict]

@Surfingthewave

Actually, I think you should let go of it. That's how you keep it.

Let it go...

[WelcometoReality]

7 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

I'm sat on the bus going to work. I'm frustrated, angry, tired, feeling heaviness, suffering ego backlash, drowning in fear and bugged out. I haven't slept for days am I'm trying to meditate. My meditation practice seems fruitless. Then suddenly there's space, presence. I'm not only aware of being aware of all this intensity but I'm feeling joy. I feel joy because it's no longer me. It's no longer my story. How, dear readers, do I retain this feeling??? 

The exhaustion was probably the reason why things opened up. The struggle stopped for a while and you had a glimpse. The way it works is that it can't be retained. Any doing to try to hold onto it will be struggling wouldn't it? Let go of the struggle.

[Shin]

How do you retain water in your hand ?

[Robi Steel]

@Surfingthewave I cannot help sir. But I also have never heard anyone successfully holding on to nothing. The reason you were free is because you didnt hold on. 

"Where is it? I want that back! I will not be satisfied until this is back!! :(" Do you see what youre trying to do? Youre trying to hold on to the act of letting go and defining your state if otherwise. Dont worry about getting egolessness because there is nothing really there. It is the absence of something.

For a nitty-gritty explanation on the letting go mechanic of enlightenment watch this from Alan Watts, answered everything in my case:

There is *nothing* to grasp

Edited February 11, 2019 by Robi Steel

[Nahm]

10 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

I'm sat on the bus going to work. I'm frustrated, angry, tired, feeling heaviness, suffering ego backlash, drowning in fear and bugged out. I haven't slept for days am I'm trying to meditate. My meditation practice seems fruitless. Then suddenly there's space, presence. I'm not only aware of being aware of all this intensity but I'm feeling joy. I feel joy because it's no longer me. It's no longer my story. How, dear readers, do I retain this feeling??? 

Have you really realized that letting thoughts go is how new perspectives which feel good & serve you can arise? Do you trust that’s how ‘it works’?Sounds like you’re aware of that when meditating but are not noticing how you get ‘sucked into’ perspectives which don’t serve you when you’re off the cushion. 

[lmfao]

@Surfingthewave I don't know how you retain the feeling.

I have noticed that the reason that my attempts at increasing mindfullness and increasing awareness are unsuccessful is because I'm meditating with the intention of forcing awareness. I'm meditating with the belief that my current state of consciousness is horrible and unbearable, and I'm trying to get away from that. But it doesn't work.  

[Surfingthewave]

Thank you all for posting your insights. Yes @Nahm and @Robi Steel there's something about the levels of letting go when when you're off the cushion. As I have a very cognitive draining job (therapist) I've been surprised at how difficult this is for me when I'm not in meditation. I guess the clue is in the title. 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Surfingthewave said:

Thank you all for posting your insights. Yes @Nahm and @Robi Steel there's something about the levels of letting go when when you're off the cushion. As I have a very cognitive draining job (therapist) I've been surprised at how difficult this is for me when I'm not in meditation. I guess the clue is in the title. 

(“Awakening...How Do You Keep Hold Of It”)

 

No!

“Keeping hold” of “it” or anything, is how you get sucked back into the maya. “IT” is a thought! When you meditate and find the stillness - how did you ‘get to’ the stillness?! By letting everything go, so you can “meditate”. So awareness is needed on each occurrence in which you leave “letting go” by believing (identifying with) a thought. You can’t “hold on” to anything, that’s how you “hold on to it”. Scrutinize the feelings which each thought arises from. 

 

[Highest]

No one to hold on to anything, no one to lose anything. Illusion.  All that which comes and goes is not the Truth. Consciousness of the non-dual One is permanent. Not an experience, it is both the experiencer and the experienced. Not knowing, it is both the knower and the known. Not the mind, it is that which is aware and the witnesser of the mind, being the mind itself simultaneously. This should be your approach, becoming conscious, non-dualy. Experience which comes and goes, although nothing wrong or inherently false about it, is not the absolute, the ultimate.

[Surfingthewave]

Thanks @Highest for me it's more about allowing what is rather than letting go, that seems to be more effective in meditation and off the cushion. More of a Rupert Spira method I guess. 

[who chit]

Be free from the one that wants to keep it.
The one that wants and desires to keep anything is the bondage.