Dropping our roles vs. the self-image

[benny]

On the one hand, we need to drop our roles to express our authentic personalities. On the other hand, we need to install beliefs about ourselves into our self-image to create sustainable behavior change that reflects the kind of person we want to be. I'm having difficulty reconciling this. Any thoughts?

[Karla]

Ooh I so get this! From my experience— we have A LOT of distilling to do and then we can be authentic without having to install beliefs so much.

What we need to drop, goes beyond just roles actually. 

Being who you are— being your truest you without trying to be anything in particular would trump any version that you would come up with in terms of “the kind of person we want to be”.

Can you think of someone who is just super authentic and natural? KInda spontaneous and seems to have no agenda?

That person is probably not having to instill beliefs as much as just letting go of self concept or trying to be anything in particular... that person is free.

I kinda feel like installing beliefs is a bit 2 thousand late he he, or really law of attraction-ish. Works for some people but not if you only jive with the realest truths... 

 

[LaraGreenbridge]

I think when you describe "the kind of person we want to be" then perhaps you are describing a "role".  So I don't think you can do both at once, I think they are contradictory things, becoming a certain type of person and dropping all roles.

You want to instill self-belief in order to change your behavior in order to become something or someone? Maybe tell us what you would like to become? 

[benny]

@LaraGreenbridge Not instilling self-belief; instilling a belief about the self (e.g. "I am confident"). I'm referring to the power of the self-image and how the beliefs within our self-images dictate our behaviors. With regards to who I want to become, the answer is multi-faceted. In a nutshell, I'm looking to develop mastery in the domains of health, life purpose, finances, relationships, self-understanding and spirituality, so I'm trying to create a self-image conducive to achieving success in each of these domains.

The problem lies in authenticity, which falls under self-understanding. In order to become authentic, there can be no roles one tries to conform to, because these roles impose parameters about which behaviors are and are not in alignment with the role. On the other hand, to cultivate the personality and the life one desires, presumably one's self-image needs to be conducive to living their "dream life".

So on the one hand, I see the importance of tailoring my self-image so that I can achieve the results I want in life, and on the other hand I see the necessity to let go of any roles I'm trying to conform to. As you mentioned, the two seem mutually exclusive. Perhaps there's a differences between seeing yourself a certain way, and feeling a need to conform to a certain role. You can see yourself as a hard worker, but still allow yourself time to be lazy. You can see yourself as a friendly person, but still acknowledge that you can be a dick every now and again.

Edited February 10, 2019 by benny

[LaraGreenbridge]

13 minutes ago, benny said:

 With regards to who I want to become, the answer is multi-faceted. In a nutshell, I'm looking to develop mastery in the domains of health, life purpose, finances, relationships, self-understanding and spirituality, so I'm trying to create a self-image conducive to achieving success in each of these domains.

Wow, that is quite a lot of mastery you have your eye on!  I don't know, maybe focus on practical steps to achieving all this and your self-image will grow and expand at the same time, without having to really think about it too much? I mean, you are going to be pretty busy exercising, eating healthy, studying, having relationships, working and doing some spiritual practices....  What is your life purpose, by the way?

13 minutes ago, benny said:

 

[Aquarius]

7 hours ago, benny said:

On the one hand, we need to drop our roles to express our authentic personalities. On the other hand, we need to install beliefs about ourselves into our self-image to create sustainable behavior change that reflects the kind of person we want to be. I'm having difficulty reconciling this. Any thoughts?

Your authentic self knows what to do and how. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

11 hours ago, benny said:

On the one hand, we need to drop our roles to express our authentic personalities. On the other hand, we need to install beliefs about ourselves into our self-image to create sustainable behavior change that reflects the kind of person we want to be. I'm having difficulty reconciling this. Any thoughts?

Just my 2 cents with a couple of quotes,,,,

Self image is ultimately a barrier to authenticity and the experience of being. Personality is built on our collection of self images which are just constructs of the mind that are not only unnecessary but limit deeper realizations of our true nature.

 

Dissolution of the Self-Image

The final outcome of the process of disidentification is the experience of the dissolution of the psychic structure or self-image. This is the experience of space, of what is sometimes called the void—when self-image is dissolved, the person will experience the loss of boundaries, both physical and mental. The nature of the mind is then revealed as an emptiness, a void, an immaculately empty space. The void and the absence of the identifications that form the psychic structure are the same thing. There are various depths and levels of empty space. We can say that the beginning of the void is the absence of identification with the self-image. There is self-image but there is no identification with it. What results is the inner sense of expansion and spaciousness. Then, at a deeper level, the self-image is gone, dissolved. There is only the experience of empty open space, which is boundless, clear, and crisp. The focus is not on the content of the mind but on the spacious emptiness that is its nature. However, this is not yet the deepest level. There might still be identification with an image, but unconsciously. Parts of the self-image might remain in the unconscious. These will surface, in time, and the experience of space will be lost. Dis-identifying with these aspects of the self-image until they dissolve will deepen the experience of space. So we see that the experience of the void does not necessarily require the end of self-image or of the personality. It means only that during the experience the personality is not there, is not running the show. This experience is of the utmost importance, for it shows us that we are not the personality. It creates room for expansion and essential development.

Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 46

 

“The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - Cynthia Bourgeault