Context: Got 7g of mushroom from my BF's bro who told me it is not very potent. I've never tried any psychedelics before. only weed brownies. It's barely a trip but i do want to put it here because i do have some questions for my future trips. Thank YOU ALL SO much for your input and for reading.
Date: 2019/02/08
Time: 8:45 AM
What: magic mushrooms
Duration: 4 hours
Dose: anywhere between 1-3g …
Method: tea
Settings: home alone . Only had fruit smoothie at 7:30 AM
Setup: just me in my pyjama. In my bed with warm blankets. Quiet room with meditation music. Had water, notebook, (books and ipad) with me
Purpose: first psychedelics trip ever, just want to see how I would respond and try to learn to let go. I did not measure precisely the dose because I already had too many obstacles / excuses upon starting so I did not want to add one extra factor. I knew I had 7g in total. I took roughly 1/4 from that so I knew it was going to be safe.
Overall impression: good start for testing the waters. Did not have a difficult time, thus did not have many insights or feelings of dissociation, had fun with the visual and the mild feeling of euphoria. Did have difficulty staying put in my room because I wanted to do all kinds of stuff.
The trip: I took about 30 min to finish up the tea and the mushrooms. I wasn’t sure so I made 2 cups in case 1 cup would be enough. So I started with the first cup of tea. After drinking it, I felt nervous for the first ~15min, felt my heart pound, wondering all kinds of questions. Then at around 9:15 I was getting worried that I wasn't feeling much, was the mushroom no good? Was the dose too small? Could I be the category of people who only start to feel after 2hrs? At first I tried to just sit and meditate, but then I became more restless. I started drinking the other cup and ate the mushrooms little by little and started double checking things on the internet. Reassured myself, and when I put my iPad back down, I realized the colors have started to change.
The come on was very gradual. The changes were all very mild, blankets started to look like they are slowly moving in waves. the materials look like they were moving and breathing. the colors are slightly different, the shadows on the ceiling move with the music etc. I was pretty happy at this point that I was feeling the effect. I drank the last bit of the tea and ate the mushrooms and put the dishes away so I can go back to my room and fully enjoy the experience. I started to feel a bit nauseous and some stomach cramps with the onset of visual effects. Otherwise I just enjoyed listening to the music and observe how my thoughts and my moods were shaped by the music and even the visual effects tend to dance to the music. I was laying in bed, sometimes looking at the ceiling, other times with my eyes closed. I had to pee quite a few times and every time I go to the bathroom, it feels as if the trip was paused. My room was this magical land where everything danced to the music and as soon as I left, it was just weird feelings associated with the rapid change in my body position, some headaches and tingling feelings.
The effect became stronger around 9:30-9:45 AM. I was also hit with some drowsiness. I was yawning a lot since the beginning of laying in bed listening to relaxing music. I tried to not be bothered by it. I had these thoughts on one hand: I should've taken coffee, I should've slept more, should I fight through the sleepiness and try to meditate? on the other hand I thought: why not just let go and let your body do what it wants, even if it wants to sleep. So I kind of just opened my arms and legs and closed my eyes. It felt cool, kind of like lucid dreaming, drifting in and out, interesting and creative thoughts came in and out, things shift and change as with the music. I just let myself do what it wants: yawning, relax / sleeping. And obviously, I felt horny, so I just let myself touch myself for a bit. So on one hand im just doing whatever I feel like, but on the other hand I am questioning whether I should , because the ultimate purpose of psychedelics for me is spiritual development, not recreation. Anyway these thoughts fought back and forth, either way, I did not have the willpower to force myself to do anything else. I also realized the fighting was useless so I just surrendered to my desires.
Then I felt hungry so I went downstairs to bring some smoothie. I had a chocolate too at the same time. And the chocolate straight up escalated my appetite. The next thing I know, I started putting water in the pot and cooking hot soup. While debating with myself out loud whether it is a good idea. This was around 10:00 AM and that was the peak of this trip. I almost had a glimpse of a panic attack during that time because my thoughts were racing and I did not expect myself to be cooking. So during this time, I had a glimpse of how the thoughts can shape your mushroom experience. They just change so fast and with positive thoughts, you feel good and happy, and with the slightest worry, it can throw you down. Either way I did manage to make the hot soup which was quite tasty. The thought process was weird this whole time and there's always a voice in the back of my head telling me: what the hell are you doing, you should go back to the room and observe yourself. But the cravings to eat were too strong. Everything I wanted to do during this trip felt like unstoppable cravings, like I couldn’t resist: falling asleep, feeling horny and hungry, and to which I all reacted: sleep, masturbate, eat. LOL and I gave myself "good reasons" to react. I thought I did it on the premise of "letting go" during the trip. So I ended up spending 1h (the peak of the trip) in the kitchen, debating with myself, cooking, eating.
When im finally done around 11, I went upstairs. The feelings are still strong, the thought pattern similar, a heaviness in my head. I decided to lay back down in bed and maybe ponder on some questions or try to observe my feelings more. Then sure enough, I felt sleepy and horny and we are back to point 0. Then maybe around 11:15, I opened my eyes and I couldn’t believe it: I am not tripping anymore. I am coming down from this trip. WHAT? ALREADY? So I tried to not get disappointed and just relaxed into it. The effects were there but I started to come down. I tried to masturbate a bit more because I felt I was being unproductive if I didn’t orgasm. But I was pretty drowsy so it didn’t work and I just end up really falling sleep for about 30 min. it wasn't a restful nap. I would feel jumpy and heard weird loud noises in my dream.
Insights: to be honest, not any. The only one I realized is that I could probably come up with some insights around this experience if I wanted to and talk about them as lessons I learnt. But that just would be another story to tell.
Currently it is 2:30 PM. I can say that I am completely sober now. It is probably a trip that showed me I need to sleep more. Other than that I have the following questions for my future trips:
Should I really try to stay put in one place and meditate instead of doing all kinds of activities, like masturbating, watching TV (which I didn’t in this trip), cooking etc.
This time, it just felt like I couldn’t have meditated even if I wanted to. So for the future, what should I do if I still get strong urges of sleepiness, hunger, and or hornyness?
It sounds like I should double the dose next time, what do you guys think?
Any other advice, tips, or stories to share? Feel welcome
Thanks all for reading. Im glad I tried it out before I turn 24. will have to go MUCH DEEPER next time I think.