basically my life has been having many huge blows after another

[Jamie Universe]

I won't get into details but basically every several months something new and horrible happens, and I'm not at the point where it feels like there's little left for me to do anything with anymore. I'm incredibly resilient somehow, but its doesn't feel like resiliency any more if feels like I've lost the ability to give myself hope. And thats not entirely true, I'm writing this now because I have hope for the future.

but the problem is that, I keep involving myself in social interactions that fuck me over really hard often. I'm a huge ass push-over and I don't know how to make myself be mean, I could do an affirmation but I don't want to and I won't even try because of that. And I don't know if thats even the best option for me really. 

I want 2 things

to conquer the social terrain inside myself so that I don't have to die all the time

or/and hopefully dwindle out my communication with people, because I'm to friendly and make to many friends which burns on the inside.  (I just want to be alone at this point.)

[Jamie Universe]

no one responded so I was forced to make myself do a bunch of affirmations, if anyone has experienced something similair, or stories about how you went from being around people to being alone, that'd be nice to read right now.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I've often thrown myself away being a doormat for other people. Seeking approval ,,,really.

So I here what your saying. 

Growing up it seemed I was always the one singled out of a group to be made an example of. I decided people were crazy and started avoiding them and started spending time with books or in nature. I've always had three or four close friends. Actually about a dozen who stay scarce so it just averages out to 3 or 4.

 

[pointessa]

If you can figure out why you are allowing yourself to be a doormat for others, that will be the start.  I wanted to avoid any conflict and I wanted to get along with everyone. There were many willing to exploit that for their own purposes.

When you realize that most people are interested primarily in themselves and really don't think about you much at all you can begin to act and be the way you are inclined to.  Why make yourself miserable for a fleeting opinion of someone else?

[Zigzag Idiot]

@pointessa Very true. I agree.

Doormat is now only a role I play if I choose to. Other roles to play are the doorbell, the door and the threshold.

[Jamie Universe]

yep that sounds like what I'm doing basically.

[Ingit]

@Jamie Universe  People don’t care about us or anyone, They only think of themselves... I guess we should be more selective in the types of friends we need to have... and stop sticking to  hazardous people... I myself have experienced a lot... I give people a lot of love,,, Even if they being bad to me... But people remain who they really are inside...