BIG TURNING POINT AND FEAR

[effy01]

hey
I have 26 years old and I’m struggling with a big turning point
I wake up feeling anxious , and I can put my finger into what scares me
Its changing my career after spending more than 5 years studying mechanical engineering  in a foreign in country
that I dropped this year when I had only 3 semesters left
Trust me this is the most scariest thing I did
external factors like my addiction to smoking pots and not being mentally stable in the village I was studying in drive me to choose my self instead of a career that doesn’t feed my soul .
In my second year in college I discovered my love for music
No I didn’t play guitar or piano when I was 6 years old …..
Its my alone time in that village that make me discover other interests I probably didn’t know about ….
Im from morocco and its a blue stage country , my parents just didn’t give a shit about me wanting to learn guitar when I was young ,but they were always helping financially in my academic career
So this passion becomes stronger and stronger as I was listening to a lot of music, buying records and learning how to dj in my free time ,at that time I thought that I liked this stuffs just because it seems cool I couldn’t understand my self
3 years from now I can say its not a crush
I actually love music in the most spiritual divine way
I dint quit my college to become a rockstar or DJ its not what I want even tho I like the creative part of blending songs together and tell your story ….but my vision is bigger than me
I wanna build an association in Morocco that have infrastructures like A STUDIO to help young artists to express them selves mostly in hip hop , electronic music.
BUT I need a skill set ,
As I hate the system of education I couldn’t go for another university degree but rather a professional training in 2 years to become a sound technician that record master mix the craft .
Its a whole another domain , it scares me ,because its more like freelancing , trust me its all I need to escape wage slavery but I’m afraid to fail again , because my mind had token this years studying mechanics and no bachelor at the end as a failure I can’t help it
I have a low self esteem when I sit and imagine my self sound technician and try to do visualtion technics I feel this huge resistance and fear …
Everybody tell me to be realistic , but I know deep down that this is the most realistic thing I can do , wake up at 40 years old and doing things I love with passion and help the human cause.
I just wanna be able to stay focused and master the craft
But I’m way too anxious
Leo if you see this your response has so much value for me
Sorry for my bad English
Thank you community
PS: im in illegal situation in the country I was studying in
       Because they didn’t want to renovate my residency in here , but its my right to defend my self but  the procedure takes so much time , I sometimes feel blocked just to try to solve the problem via justice , its a lot of emotional labour , and there is no sound path education in morocco , I feel blocked stucked and anxiety is killing me ——

[effy01]

heeelpppp hhhhhhhh

[clouffy]

What was the turning point for you to quit university?

[effy01]

yes dropping my career at age of 26 years old is so overwhelming

i didnt have a plan B  at that time , no i struggle with being stucked and worrying

 

[Renee]

You aren’t alone in having fear and anxiety around your passion/life purpose. I actually found your post because I searched ‘fear’ since it’s something I’m struggling a lot with right now.  I have never even posted or responded to someone on this forum before until now.  I’m in the process of applying to graduate school, and I’m 23 right now, but by the time I’m finished with school along with the other certifications I need and build my own business, I’ll be around 30 and probably in a large amount of debt.  It’s disheartening to think about it from that perspective, and I feel like I’ve wasted time, but I know it’s what I need to do and what the world needs so I don’t really have a choice.  I’m going to see the time it takes me to get there as time to focus on my own emotional maturity and spirituality as I still have a long way to go in those areas.  I see that I’m not ready to truly help people yet because I have a lot more learning to do about myself and also about my field specifically.

I read a book on Leo’s booklist called Loving What Is by a woman named Byron Katie a long time ago and it can be extremely beneficial for times when you feel blocked and consumed by fear.  The author actually has a website that has everything you need for free, so you don’t even have to buy the book if you can’t or don’t want to. But basically you identify specific stressful thoughts and question if they’re really true or not and examine how the opposite could be true instead...  I should probably do that soon myself in regards to my own situation.  I hope my rambling helped to at least comfort you some.

Edited February 10, 2019 by Renee

[Leo Gura]

@effy01 I think your plan is realistic and reasonably workable. Yes, it's a good idea to develop some solid technical skills. If music is your passion then develop technical skills in that area. So you'll be able to leverage them into the future.

Fear is normal.

Quote

"But my heart is afraid it will have to suffer."

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."

— Paulo Coelho

You have already made the hardest choice: to quit your major. Now comes the exciting part of doing what you're actually passionate about. Give yourself some space to figure it out. You don't need to know HOW just yet. Trust that you will figure it out as you go along. But at the same, don't just sit around and wait. Roll up your sleeves and get to work building your dream life.

Teaching yourself technical skills online is easy these days. All that's required is the passion to learn and train. You can be self-taught. No one in the business world really cares about degrees. University degrees are a joke. What they care about is your ability to produce results. I became a video game designer at a world-class studio after a few years of teaching myself video game design skills. I did not get any formal education for it. And learning audio skills is easier than game design skills. You can find many tutorials and courses online. All you really need is an internet connection and lots of free time. If you can live cheaply in Morocco, got back to Morocco and invest a few years learning these skills, build up a solid portfolio and people should want to hire you in Morocco or even abroad in Europe.

All of my knowledge of psychology and personal development is also self-taught. And thanks to that it's way better and deeper than I would get through a psychology degree from Harvard. You can educate yourself way more efficiently on your own, as long as you're passionate about it. Homework, tests, and lectures are all overrated. You can basically teach yourself most things, unless you need a professional license like for a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.

[Empty]

@effy01 Hi, my Moroccan fellow citizen.

 

I know how to it feels to be born in Muslim countries!! especially if you are poor, which is the case of our country. Let me reassure you. You have nothing to worry about at all. My WHOLE life was full of sorrow and suffering, but thanks to acutalized.org, I changed a lot. I no longer feel depressed as used to. I was suicidal, depressed, and lost. Now, after 3 years of following actualized.org. I FEEL ALIVED! Alhamdullilah.  

 

Search in mysticism. Try to practice everday, and it will change your life  

[effy01]

@Leo Gura

Hey ,thank you all for your feedback
I relate a lot to what you wrote Leo .
yes , that s what I learned you don’t need to follow the system to produce results
I ve already started researches like 2 months ago
And yes there is a lot of websites that offer online courses like Lynda and skill share

i was planning to  do 2 years professional training because its public , for free ...and it can help me with lack of material i need to train properly
I have the opportunity to stay in my aunt house here in Spain , free food and shelter , its not the best atmosphere for healing but I’m flexible i can sacrifice my intimacy , my freedom , not feeling at home , just to get closer to my vision.
I ve just wanted to clarify that my mental state is low
Most of it due to being addicted to pots it make it worse
Now I smoke only at night so I can sleep but still
When I sit down in the morning and want to train in my room
My heart start racing
i can’t focus and my learning abilities are low
Im seing a therapist but they wanna load me with chemicals I don’t want to use ,……
So I’m in stage 0
I don’t wanna believe what my mind tell me
Because it tells me I’m gonna die every morning and at night I’m still alive
I should burn all the impurities from my system just to get back on track and can train normally
Other problem , is all my life I never trained alone
But rather sucking on society education system for years LMAO
but I wont give up ,
This is my struggle for now
MY JIHAD

 

@Empty
I can’t experience mysticism , GOD  if I’m worried about how to survive…..
But I had glimpses of it when I used  LSD 3 years ago
And know deep down that there is more to life than how my mind picture it right now …..

[Athena]

Can you go back to school and complete the 3 courses? Once you are done you can mix it up with sound technician skills and call yourself a sound engineer and have the degree to back it up. 

I have realized that it's only in America or other advanced countries that the whole "no degree" thing works. If you want to be taken seriously in such a country you have to have a degree. 

[effy01]

@Athena hey athena

no i cant go back ...

i don't have money anymore to pay my rent or studies there

if i wanna move to another university with the same bachelor i should do other 2 years because they don't validate all the credits ..... and trust me even if i had the possibility to do it i wont  , i cant no longer study VIA university , i cant trick my self anymore .

its not about calling your self something ..... its about being able to produce results

look yes i had like few semesters to get the bachelor but trust me , we didn t learn GEARS  until the 3rd year

do you find that logic ? like WTF , i cant load my mind with bunch of random teories and pass tests just to call my self mechanical engineer at the end ....

what do i have to study how to cut steel or how to pump water if i wanna train my ear to master mix record the sound

i don't wanna be a sound engineer but rather mastering technical aspect of audio

yes the physics and the mathematics i studied all my path are helping me to understand the sound as a wave and all the characteristic that goes with it

so im not having troubles to understand the foundations and the theory part of that field

abut what you said , maybe you are right maybe not

i need to verify it my self ....

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2019 by effy01

[nahtanoj]

Quit smoking pot. Start building good habits. Meditation. Gym. Etc. If you can, buy the Life Purpose Course. I agree with finishing the engineer thing. But if you can't then don't stop. But quit bad habits. 

Edited February 14, 2019 by nahtanoj

[effy01]

@nahtanoj yes that's what im doing

                     im in transition phase

                     i wake up one hour gym and swimming

                     then trying to practice the craft

                     now i need to quit smoking at night

                     im not ready yet until i feel the flow of mastering the craft

                      otherwise my mind would go crazy wanting to smoke  at night ...

[Coutery]

I am a DJ for 6 years now and I can give accurate advice that should be present in your life on a perishable basis - communicate with your audience; start your own blog or broadcast; write remixes covers. As described on https://www.conservativedailynews.com/2019/02/is-it-possible-to-have-a-successful-career-without-going-to-college/ , it does not matter if you have a diploma to have a successful DJ career. Take everything into your own hands and gain experience, everything will come with time. The main thing is a confident "fight" with yourself to the dream.

[effy01]

@Coutery  hey thank you for your reply

i love DJing but not seing as a life purpose because of the lifestyle of a DJ , but its what introduce me to audio field

 

im stucked now with beatmatchin  practise, do you have any tips for that ??