help with The journey inwards

[Aakash]

just had the realisation, that the pure awareness i thought i was is still an object i am trying to become aware of (like an objectivity)

by use of the method "self inquiry" this is not the true self 

after the subject (observer - awarness) and the object (the objective- the awareness) disappears 

and my awareness doesn't seek to awareness 

instead it becomes awareness itself -pure awareness 

a) there is no mind action which can help - no words or concepts

b) its almost like a process of letting go of the idea that theres a subject 

c) theres seems to be a false notion of a place to get to 

 

my eyes are closed , the beggining layers are dark, it gets darker and darker somehow, then i begin to fall, and regain myself, the objective-ness returns and i start to observe my observation. i have stopped letting go at this point, this is false self , after i wait for the next fall. i stop because it feels like a void i would enter where i may never return back from. it feels like a death. I am not willing to enter this void, because its so uncertain, but i want to go deeper and deeper where ever it may take me. 

 

Does this resonate with anyone, regarding letting go of self completely. 

 

Edited February 7, 2019 by Aakash

[DrewNows]

@AakashYeah dude awareness simply being another descriptor, like being, nothingness, headless.

Self inquiry used to see i (even i as awareness) cannot be located 

How does an "identified awareness - sense of self - identity" simply fall away? Does it simply knowing itself as an illusion bring about its death or is this simply another division of illusion? 

 

Edited February 7, 2019 by DrewNows

[Mu_]

Sounds really deep and significant. I can relate through past experiences. I think it’s important to ask yourself what do you still want if your not willing to fully let go into this void. There is no wrong answer but be really really honest even if the answer is I don’t know.

Some things to consider asking is do you trust this void 

do you know what your doing all this for and why  

Maybe share it here.  

In regards to your bullet points. B. And c. I found hugely important. If you can really let in and see there is no subject your cruising ? but don’t pretend it won’t be pure. With c. You may start to really see there is no place but here, you, now, happening. Congratulations man you may be close to a big milestone breakthrough. Just don’t shit your pants. 

 

[DrewNows]

14 minutes ago, Mu_ said:

I think it’s important to ask yourself what do you still want if your not willing to fully let go into this void.

This is a great question

 

[Jack River]

18 minutes ago, Mu_ said:

Just don’t shit your pants. 

 

It’s not a party if nobody shits there pants 

? 

?

?

Edited February 7, 2019 by Jack River

[Aakash]

@DrewNows those  are some interesting words 

@Mu_ at this point, i can't even use my mind or thought to justify how useless it is to convey a message of thought, its simply no where near what the void is like, really. 

If i'm being honest, i came as an adventurer, the whole notion of the end of suffering, blissfulness, no pain was nice. at first i thought it would be nice to get rid of those things, but after it became about discovering the truth- discovering the true nature. i completely trust the void because i know it is myself, i think i'm kinda worry about sustaining the void in real life but this is just an assumption and i'm getting ahead of myself. 

i hope i don't shit my pants, i had another realisation yesterday that the only way to know is to be deep in meditation, really there's no external world, theres only experiencing yourself in deeper levels of letting go. thats why monks take 20-30 years of pure meditation to train to fully embody this awakening process. 

another realisation was that there was no words beyond this point, all words are useless its literally only about direct experience and how your mind-body is able to work. thats death alright. 

[Rilles]

Im in a similar place, you just have to keep realizing that what you are looking for is already looking. The hand CANT grasp itself! But thats the whole point, to realize that.  Then its game over.

 

EDIT: If the void is what you are then why are you scared of it? Might be a good question to ask. Id probably shit my pantalones though. 

Edited February 7, 2019 by Rilles

[Aakash]

@Rilles see i'm able to grasp the looking part, but i don't think its looking. i think its just is there. the fact that someone is looking implies theres a subject. 

when i kept as the looker, i thought i was done, but i realised its not the deepest state, the deepest state is to just die and once you've died, i think from that point theres no going back. 

Edited February 7, 2019 by Aakash

[Rilles]

4 minutes ago, Aakash said:

@Rilles see i'm able to grasp the looking part, but i don't think its looking. i think its just is there. the fact that someone is looking implies theres a subject. 

when i kept as the looker, i thought i was done, but i realised its not the deepest state, the deepest state is to just die and once you've died, i think from that point theres no going back. 

Oh I see! I think Im a little behind... I still feel like theres a looker but its not ”something”... Then again I feel like all my senses are just aware without anybody being aware of them... Im not sure

If I close my eyes my thoughts are secondary to ”me”... and me is not really anything... just awareness... I think...

[Aakash]

@Rilles Dude this post at the top is exactly! the stage i realised from self inquiry 

let me go through it 

so you think that theres a looking awareness, this awareness is you in your prime form, i thought this was called pure awareness

but if i asked you to rest as awareness, you would need to find an object (a thought) that everything that your awarness is looking at is awareness too and then you'd be forcing rest

Your senses are in awareness, they aren't awareness themselves, all there is at this stage is the looker. i completely get what your saying 

but if theres a looker and its looking at something, you say I am the looker, 

then you say where is the looker 

and you go its me, its right here 

then you question it until you have doubts that you are the looker 

if there is one having doubts then there must be a doubter 

so then you go and look agan 

this is how i understood the self inquiry process, 

 

similarly if you close your eyes, and keep as this looker, then you always need something to focus on, it can't just be settled by itself and BE itself. 

so naturally you have to give up the part of being the subject 

how do you give up being the subject 

you let go? 

no place or destination, no ambition or goals, just let go until you cease to exsist really. 

hope this helped  

[Rilles]

2 minutes ago, Aakash said:

@Rilles Dude this post at the top is exactly! the stage i realised from self inquiry 

let me go through it 

so you think that theres a looking awareness, this awareness is you in your prime form, i thought this was called pure awareness

but if i asked you to rest as awareness, you would need to find an object (a thought) that everything that your awarness is looking at is awareness too and then you'd be forcing rest

Your senses are in awareness, they aren't awareness themselves, all there is at this stage is the looker. i completely get what your saying 

but if theres a looker and its looking at something, you say I am the looker, 

then you say where is the looker 

and you go its me, its right here 

then you question it until you have doubts that you are the looker 

if there is one having doubts then there must be a doubter 

so then you go and look agan 

this is how i understood the self inquiry process, 

 

similarly if you close your eyes, and keep as this looker, then you always need something to focus on, it can't just be settled by itself and BE itself. 

so naturally you have to give up the part of being the subject 

how do you give up being the subject 

you let go? 

no place or destination, no ambition or goals, just let go until you cease to exsist really. 

hope this helped  

Wow! Crystal clear! Thanks! ??????

[Aakash]

@Mu_ i keep ending up at the same place, "i am awareness". its the place where all experience comes from. 

its not even i am saying i am awareness , its just awareness itself 

i don't think it is my awareness, it is just awareness.