Nobody Needs Me As Much As I Need Me

[Trode]

Hello all,

This is going to be my journal that has two main purposes. First, this is a journal where I will record my future triumph over compassion fatigue as well as a place where I will write about internet addiction. The two go hand and hand for me.

Just to give my story I am 25 years old and I have been in relationships where I am nothing but a caregiver. This has led to a caregiver burnout habit of sitting on my phone for hours and hours at a time to essentially not feel anything. Throughout this process I have given up everything that mattered to me. Friendships, writing, running, reading, and watching sports.

I have finally realized that this is because of what is called compassion fatigue.  I saw a therapist a while back and sadly she was not much help. The only thing I got from the experience was that I said over and over again, "I don't care about myself, I live for other people." Unfortunately, that living for other people turned into resenting other people and being burned out. Sometimes even the thought of caring for others just makes me want to go hide in my phone for hours.

 

So what am I doing about it today?
I am using a technique called modified ERP which is a mental practice system devoted to being ready for situations before they happen. I used it to stop watching porn and it was successful. I also am making time every morning to workout and exercise and sitting on my phone for hours has called my hamstring muscles to atrophy and my posture to suffer.

I don't know much about this forum, but support would be appreciated. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Trode Welcome

We're a mixed bag, here. 

Good luck with your aims!

[Trode]

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you for the kind welcome.

 

An update from my first day. I did a good job doing ERP and exercising in the morning. I was successful at work not ending up on the computer. I came home and that is where my downfall was. I made dinner, was cleaning dinner, but the entire time I was thinking about other people's needs. So naturally when my wife went to bed and it was just me out here I caved in a matter of fifteen minutes and I am now going to go to bed 20 minutes later than I had planned. ERP takes at least 30 days to start working, so I know that this is the time where I am going to have inconsistencies, but I need to be better at taking care of myself and not others.

[Trode]

Going to my phone is the wrong way to go about dealing with burnout and compassion fatigue. I thought this for the first time today. I need to capitalize on it.

Edited February 7, 2019 by Trode

[Trode]

Had asolid day. I am working on my posture and being assertive about putting myself first. 

[Trode]

I have looked at my internet use as an addiction for years. The reality is that it is a warning that I am not taking care of myself. It is my body's way of telling me that if I refuse to take care of myself then my body will do it for me.

[How to be wise]

@Trode you’re married at 25. Is that not a little too early to tie yourself up with obligations? Do you plan on having kids early?