No desire to charge up my sex life with my gf?

[Krzysztof]

Hey guys, so here is a thing. I am having what I would call a mediocre sex life with my girlfriend. She rarely has a desire towards me. We still have sex, exactly the way I want it (meaning with all the kinks I have), but the problem is - I don't care enough to make myself fix her desire.

I feel like I understand female sexuality very well because I was once extremely obsessed with it. When I was 18 and a virgin, I thought that the only way a girl would find me desirable was if I got her addicted to me through sex. And so I went online, got my hands on every book on the subject I could find, and boy did it work once I got my hand on some girls. Multiple orgasms, extended orgasms, no-touch orgasms etc.

I went through a 4 year period of pick up, got very good at it, slept with loads of girls (50-100 I would say) and as I progressed on my path, my desire for pickup became less and less prominent and so did my desire to give girls amazing sex. I feel like it was really a way to just feed my ego and take pride in the fact that 'she will not experience anyone else like me'. And as my desire towards pickup deteriorated, I got a stable, amazing girlfriend and I focus my energy on my life purpose.

Now I really don't care about the quality of sex. I have a reference experience of what a mindblowing sex feels like, but to me, sex became just a means of achieving a state of not being sexually frustrated. Of course I still have the desire to give her an orgasm, but all the mindset stuff that great sex is composed of feels like another "task on a list" to me. I don't even have a desire to do foreplay anymore.

I would describe my situation as similar to a guy who runs a successful, passive business and just doesn't want to work on it - and he doesn't have to, cause he gets everything he wants out of it.

But of course on the other hand, I love her to death and I want the best for her (I have no trouble giving her amazing experiences outside of the bedroom). So it's this weird congitive dissonance for me. It's just super hard to make myself give her the sex life she wants cause honestly I would much rather just get a blowjob, give her cunnilingus and be done with it. I don't even need penetration. If I think about the stuff I would have to do to get back to my previous "sex god" state - it just feels like a f*ing chore. It really does.

What came to my mind during writing this post is that maybe I need to tell her to not have sex with me when she doesn't want to. That would make me crave having sex with her and the only way to have sex with her would be to turn her on.

Edited February 5, 2019 by Krzysztof

[Psychonaut]

15 hours ago, Krzysztof said:

What came to my mind during writing this post is that maybe I need to tell her to not have sex with me when she doesn't want to. That would make me crave having sex with her and the only way to have sex with her would be to turn her on.

Yeah having sex when the girl doesn't really want it in my experience was never great. 

How often do you have Sex? Maybe you just have it too often and aren't really horny? I have found that I only "really" want sex about once every one to two weeks.