Aversion to weight gain but still binge eating

[clouffy]

Sometimes i feel like i don't want to get better...it's like if you lose weight and become attractive you risk "being on the top" and people not liking you...geez this is such a mind fuck i've been in this cycle endless times. I can lose 10 pounds, it's doable, but there is this resistance that no counselor can help me with...goddammit

[outlandish]

You won't "be at the top" if you're not judging. Do you really think loosing 10 pounds makes you a better person than someone else? 

So loose the weight if it makes you feel good. It's probably healthier. But don't let it go to your head, not something to get hung up on. 

[clouffy]

@outlandish i know...but it's so hard to "get out of my head"...and we're back to the need for holistic personal development thing, and weightloss as a by product..

[creede]

Do you do writing style self inquiry.

I had to dig deep, all the way into my old (seemed subconscious)  programming to get through a similar phase. I was surprised by what I was doing and what my responses were.

I don't want to over simplify it for you, but chances are you aren't eating for the reasons you think. Sadly, only you can know what your reasons are, so you truly have to dig deep to come out the other side. If you need any prompts let me know.

[clouffy]

@creede I think I'm eating out of anxiety, wanting love, wanting stability, wanting warmth...

but so what? it's just all an intellectual game again...

i've heard a lot of "spiritual explanations" for overeating, but it's like "okay, i know i'm eating because i crave the warmth from others/ i crave being "special"", but that helps nothing lol

[MsNobody]

Check out Leo’s video about addiction, all addictions come from fear of emptiness, so whenever we feel the peace and emptiness taking over we become afraid, then food comes to substitute the void, if we were in the moment and aware those things wouldn’t happen, that’s why meditation is so hard, food is just one more of all the distractions, sure can be from suppressed emotions too, and disconnection with the body, but mainly fear of emptiness, that’s why we have so many smokers

[clouffy]

@MsNobody thanks. it does become surprisingly unbearable at times...the full intensity of emotions

[creede]

@clouffy It sounds like you're satisfied with the answers you've come up with and don't see a reason to look deeper. I understand that... digging deeper is a pain in the ass and time consuming. Best wishes.

[clouffy]

@creede you have some prompts?