More desire = more bondage?

[xbcc]

Hi all,

Today I had again a feeling of emptiness. It made me think about why my life sucks so much. I realised that the past 9 years of my life everything I have done has been consciously and unconsciously to get women and that has made me suffer a lot.

Getting women attracted has never been easy for me (except in primary school it came very naturally, after primary school it went downwards). So I got into pickup and career success all in order to get women. I started a business in ecommerce to be able to travel around the world and do pickup. This business, because it is not my passion, has made me suffer a lot. Pickup itself has also made me suffer a lot for various reason. All the work, flaking, drama and disappointments that come with it.

So it has made me realise that while having sex is awesome and very pleasurable, it pales in comparison to the suffering it has  caused my by desiring it and taking action to achieve it.

Is this the reason in spirituality they say desire is the root of unhappiness? It is very hard to not follow the desire to long and work for all those super hot girls. Oh man. This also goes for power for example.

I am thinking about dropping all action towards achieving desires, besides the action needed to have a reasonable apartment and food, which isnt hard. This would free me from all the obligations that make me suffer.

On the other hand there can also be ways to achieve these pleasures with the least effort, Osho style.

What do you guys think about this and the lifestyle I am planning? Is this the correct way for having peace of mind?

Or should I go the Osho way (achieve them with the least effort), or is it impossible and contradictory to having no-desire? I have the feeling that high consciousness will get you the worldly pleasures automatically, like magic. Often when I am deeply at peace, girls notice it and show interest for example.

Let me know. Maybe this is the lesson that reality is trying to teach me. Maybe this is an awakening.

Edit:

If I drop all desire, then how will I find a girlfriend that suits my personality? Don't we have to date many girls to find a matching girl? How will I get dates without putting effort into it?

 

 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2019 by xbcc

[iamnotahumanbeing]

If you drop all desire, this then forms part of your personality. As such, the profile of a suitable partner will change.

Watch Leo's The Counter-Intuitive Nature Of Life. He touches on this very topic, and will shed some light on the limitations of your current thinking. You're already intuitively perceiving this:

4 hours ago, xbcc said:

I have the feeling that high consciousness will get you the worldly pleasures automatically, like magic. Often when I am deeply at peace, girls notice it and show interest for example.

Though, the goal isn't to get girls, it's to detach from needing to get girls. 

I think it's insightful of you to have realised that a lot of your pleasure has actually been a lot of your pain.

[noselfnofun]

@xbcc

I went through this so I can relate. I use to be so bad with women when younger it made me become obsessed with pick up, like you, I mad it my soul life's focus to try and get girls. Luckily it didn't last too long and I started to wake up from it, I realised trying to pick up and have sex with random girls was actually very empty and not fulfilling at all. The problem I found was I had trained my mind to think this way and be so focused on sex that I had made the desire for it very strong, like way stronger than a normal person. So when embarking on a spiritually path I saw just how I had brainwashed myself to be like this. For me it really helped to just stop watching anything to do with pick up, also be very wary of spending to much time with other people who are also obsessed with pick up, that can keep you stuck in it. What I found was the joy and love for life that can be experienced through a dedicated spiritual/conscious life is just so much more rewarding it starts to remove the desire for hedonistic behaviour like compulsive pua. It dose take a lot of work and discipline. I met this incredible monk once at a meditation retreat who had completely transcended his desire for sex and worldly pleasures, this really inspired me. try and find and hang out with healthy balanced people who are not obsessed with sex and put as much effort into developing your spiritual life in the right ways as you have with pick up and you'll start to transcend it fairly quickly. I found Jhana or Metta meditation really good for it. 

 

On the flip side you also cannot denie or suppress your desires, so still maybe go out here and there, its worth going to cool events that you are interested in, like meditation meet ups or whatever and if you see women there you can get to know them that way and your more likely to find women with shared interests and you are not wasting your time out trying to just get sex. But before you do that maybe worth having a period were you just go cold turkey for a bit and don't think about women until you feel the craving for it die down. 

[xbcc]

@iamnotahumanbeing @noselfnofun

Thank you very much for reading my post and your responses. I can certainly do something with it.

I will every day remind myself to not fall into the trap of chasing these kind of pleasures.

 

[Salvijus]

No desire = the end of suffering, peace, and liberation. But what you're trying to achieve takes decades of work.

[WelcometoReality]

@xbcc Desire is a feeling and all feelings can be surrendered and when we do they are transformed into higher vibration feelings. 

On 2019-02-04 at 1:14 AM, xbcc said:

Edit:

If I drop all desire, then how will I find a girlfriend that suits my personality? Don't we have to date many girls to find a matching girl? How will I get dates without putting effort into it?

You trust that the universe will provide you a girl that fits you. The desire of meeting a girl comes up. You see it and when it is at it's peak you release it and let the universe take care of it for you.

[BipolarGrowth]

Go after the Big Fish if you are ready for it. Sex and women are little fish. Business is a little fish. Enjoy the little fish as they come as sustenance to keep you going until you get the Big Fish. 
 

I know it might not sound like what you want, but it’s truthfully what you want. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

"If I drop all desire, then how will I find a girlfriend that suits my personality? Don't we have to date many girls to find a matching girl? How will I get dates without putting effort into it?"

Drop all desire, and your current egoic personality will be replaced by your soul's personality.

When you are least looking for a girlfriend, then is when she shall come, out of nowhere.

Existence is inherently magical.

Wake up. Let go. Say yes to your soul, no to ego. Remember to breathe through the pain.

Real letting go hurts. A lot.

But it is the right thing to do, if you want to awaken. The question is if you really want to or would rather stay asleep a little longer? There is no rush my friend; The Universe/God has Infinite Patience ??????????????