GF getting back with her narcissistic Ex

[bejapuskas]

@LaucherJunge  Stop hoping for something dude, you are just naive.

[thesmileyone]

Quote

She was going to meet her ex boyfriend who is also 23 to let him go for good, because she still felt something was left between them that had to go, the problem is he is a narcissistic schizo and he mistreated her for some time, she was telling me alot about it, how bad it was with him, how much he manipulated her and so on.
The thing is the next day after the meeting I hear from her saying "it was too strong" he kissed me and from there on it was over.. After just 3 days with him she again saw how crazy he still is and wrote me but now she is trying it again.. I can't bare seeing her making the same mistake over and over.

No she wasn't. She was going to see him because she still has feelings for him and your laziness lost you her respect and now she is looking to trade up, and he is just right there in easy reach.

Dump her, move on, don't make the same mistake again.

There's a whole community called "the red pill" that, whilst some of their ideology is flawed from a Oneness perspective, does educate you on the hidden meanings of women and their actions. Unfortunatly it goes against the feminist narrative therefore is labelled "mysognistic" instead.

[LaucherJunge]

I suppose with so much feedback from you guys saying that I need to give it up for good, I have to humble my ego and get over it, thank you all for your opinions.

[Consept]

9 minutes ago, LaucherJunge said:

I suppose with so much feedback from you guys saying that I need to give it up for good, I have to humble my ego and get over it, thank you all for your opinions.

I can see it's hard to take, obviously we don't know every little bit of your relationship, but from an outside perspective it looks like either she has some serious emotional problems which manifest in many of the ways you mentioned or she's just very manipulative. The answer is probably a grey area inbetween. If she has emotional issues, you can't fix her, she needs to do that by herself and it will only lead to a lot of problems and heartache for you, which you can see early on with this ex for example. 

If she is manipulative then obviously there's not much you can do about that, you definitely can't fix it. I truly believe that to get into a healthy relationship you have to not need one, what I mean by that is it can't be some kind of escape to cover up your problems, otherwise it's the same as any other addiction. If you can be happy single then you can have a good chance of being happy in a relationship, it doesn't sound like this girl could be happy by herself and that's a serious problem. Don't try and fix people it really doesn't work

[bejapuskas]

@LaucherJunge  Use that pain to grow, after some time, you won't even recognize yourself and all this bullshit will seem like total nonsense.

[MellowEd]

She is not right for you. Dump her and never look back. You are not supposed to crave her approval.

[alankrillin]

On 03/02/2019 at 7:05 AM, LaucherJunge said:

 I really don't know how to handle this situation.

What happen to giving older men professional advice as a virgin boy quoting "karezza" from Cupids Poisoned Arrow?

Seems all is as expected.

Also as you were someone who was heavily against orgasms and porn, I'm heavily disappointed to hear you still have porn addiction.

Edited February 4, 2019 by alankrillin

[LaucherJunge]

@alankrillin
Well, karezza is still a good way in my opinion, you just need to be far enough for it to really get deep. And I surely am not at that level yet, I underestimated what it really takes.

Yeah, you are right I guess that was the biggest mistake of my life to not give this addiction the attention that it needed.
But the circumstances taught me and now force me to really take this seriously.

I was simply very lonely and even though I was working on my self love and got to a really decent point in my opinion, that's why I attracted the relationship, I kind of took the relationship for granted after a while and so I did take for granted not feeling lonely anymore.
But I see now that you have to give all the things you need to yourself really, then the magic will happen and I am giving 100% for this to happen.

[thesmileyone]

Happiness comes from within mate. I haven't had a friend since 2008, and no girlfriend since before that. I go and get laid 2-3x per year. Never been happier. Get meditating, learn about yourself, make friends with all aspects of yourself and you will never be disappointed ever again. And if you find yourself getting lonely, remember loneliness stems from a thought and it is just a thought.

[hundreth]

3 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

Yeah, you are right I guess that was the biggest mistake of my life to not give this addiction the attention that it needed.
But the circumstances taught me and now force me to really take this seriously.

I was simply very lonely and even though I was working on my self love and got to a really decent point in my opinion, that's why I attracted the relationship, I kind of took the relationship for granted after a while and so I did take for granted not feeling lonely anymore.
But I see now that you have to give all the things you need to yourself really, then the magic will happen and I am giving 100% for this to happen.

Stop this record playing in your head that it's your fault she left you, and that if you were "better" she would have stayed with you. It's not grounded in reality. 

What you did is share with your girlfriend an honest side of yourself, which 99% of men have in common, and acknowledged it's something you'd like to change. Now, if she were a normal, loving partner to you, she would stand by you, and encourage you to develop into what you want to be. These are just crude control tactics on her part. 

If you were to 100% quit porn, I guarantee she would still find a new reason to leave you. Also, mark my words, she will return to try to recycle you in a few months. And she will breadcrumb you with love which will never reach the first times you were together. Don't fall for it, don't go back. 

You have to stop with this mentality that you are some slacker, who wasn't enough, who has all these hoops to jump through before you're ready to be with her. The more hoops you jump through, the more she will reject you. You seem like a good young dude, trying to better yourself. Everything is fine. Let her go.

[bejapuskas]

@LaucherJunge  Manipulators are sneaky and very intelligent, otherwise, they couldn't manipulate, I see this still isn't obvious to you.

I still see a very solid attachment to her in you, maybe you just need more suffering to become a man, but if you use this pain to grow, dude, her leaving you might also be the best thing that has happened to you.   

[stevegan928]

@LaucherJunge lol women.... that's how they are, they have basically no center. when a girl says you're the most important thing in the world she isn't lying she really means it, however that's only true for that very moment, she can be disgusted with you 10 minutes later, she could say "i hate you" and mean it. women are just too naturally attuned to the now and it makes them airy. 

[bejapuskas]

@stevegan928  What other moment is there than this moment here dude, what are you talking about?  

[Elisabeth]

On 3. 2. 2019 at 0:49 PM, Leo Gura said:

@LaucherJunge If a girl is running off to see other guys something is very wrong. She's not really attracted to you. Sounds like you did something to lose her attraction, or you never had it to begin with.

Are you actually having sex with her? Or is this some kind of Platonic relationship?

Yes, something is very wrong, but it need not have to do anything with @LaucherJunge. If her ex is truly a narcissist - well, leaving an abusive dynamics is known to be very hard. Multiple failed attempts are rather the norm than an exception.  

@LaucherJunge Study abuse dynamics to see the pitfalls. But, I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to deal with this anymore. Also, look deep within yourself as to why you're attracted to a girl with so much trouble.  

[LaucherJunge]

I thank you all for your help, even though some of it is coming from alot of ego.
But I now remember again what really the issue was in this whole situation, for some reason I closed my heart after my second meeting with her.
Before meeting her it was really active and I was passionate about everything and that is the reason she fell in love with me, because I wrote so passionately with my whole heart.
She must have felt that my heart closed but she still stayed with me in the relationship for 2,5 more months..
Now that I reopened it I really just want to connect with her again in the heart space and I really don't care if she just wants to be friends, I am back to my authentic core and with my passionate heart opened self, I know that I can attract love easily and so even my desperation for her is completely gone now. We will be friends again we will connect again and we will see if I wanna attract someone else or maybe get back with her, because I know that with my opened heart she will not be able to resist me for long, I finally understood this.

I wish you a good day.

[bejapuskas]

2 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

I thank you all for your help, even though some of it is coming from alot of ego.

What do you mean?

2 hours ago, LaucherJunge said:

But I now remember again what really the issue was in this whole situation, for some reason I closed my heart after my second meeting with her.
Before meeting her it was really active and I was passionate about everything and that is the reason she fell in love with me, because I wrote so passionately with my whole heart.
She must have felt that my heart closed but she still stayed with me in the relationship for 2,5 more months..
Now that I reopened it I really just want to connect with her again in the heart space and I really don't care if she just wants to be friends, I am back to my authentic core and with my passionate heart opened self, I know that I can attract love easily and so even my desperation for her is completely gone now. We will be friends again we will connect again and we will see if I wanna attract someone else or maybe get back with her, because I know that with my opened heart she will not be able to resist me for long, I finally understood this.

You really need a kick in the ass dude  

[LaucherJunge]

@bejapuskas I mean especially the red pill and blue pill stuff, realize that you have the power to create your world, if you want to live in the mainstream worlds of blue or red pill, you will sure never fulfill your hearts true desire. I feel like some people here are not at all connected to their heart, to their desires, their passion. That way you will never experience genuine love, which in my opinion is the most beautiful thing life has to offer, your heart is capable of this love for anyone even yourself at all times, but of course you need to really get in touch with it. 

[bejapuskas]

@LaucherJunge  Of course, love anyone you want, everyone even  But this is clinginess and inability to get over something, it's naive.

[Toby]

25 minutes ago, LaucherJunge said:

@bejapuskas I mean especially the red pill and blue pill stuff, realize that you have the power to create your world, if you want to live in the mainstream worlds of blue or red pill, you will sure never fulfill your hearts true desire. I feel like some people here are not at all connected to their heart, to their desires, their passion. That way you will never experience genuine love, which in my opinion is the most beautiful thing life has to offer, your heart is capable of this love for anyone even yourself at all times, but of course you need to really get in touch with it. 

has this love you are talking about the capacity to say "no" and set boundaries?

[Consept]

29 minutes ago, LaucherJunge said:

@bejapuskas I mean especially the red pill and blue pill stuff, realize that you have the power to create your world, if you want to live in the mainstream worlds of blue or red pill, you will sure never fulfill your hearts true desire. I feel like some people here are not at all connected to their heart, to their desires, their passion. That way you will never experience genuine love, which in my opinion is the most beautiful thing life has to offer, your heart is capable of this love for anyone even yourself at all times, but of course you need to really get in touch with it. 

Bro it does seem like everyone is getting at you, but its because you seem to have these rose tinted glasses on and ideas about love and all this. Im not disregarding your experiences but you have to understand that theres a reality of a situation and then theres what you want it to be. The fact that youve thought all this stuff and seem to be completely bought in to the point where you cant take on board what people are saying would suggest to me that youre living in a lot of illusion. Your projecting on this girl what you want her to be and what your idea of this deep relationship is. The fact is if youre living in the moment and present and all of that you wouldnt have all these ideas youd just experience it for what it was. 

Youre talking about ego but by saying no one gets it etc its a sign of a spiritual ego. People are giving you advice from their experiences of female nature, relationships and whatever else, many of whom probably have more experience than you. Not saying you should take everything wholesale but if everyone is telling you its a bad idea it might just be a bad idea