Spiral approach / Success Approach Dealing With Group Projects

[ValiantSalvatore]

Hello, forum

I am a bit confused about how to deal with people in group works, especially since I feel I need to polarize more in order to get something done, yet I feel bad afterward's and from what I've read. I am not sure how to deal with situations that are so polemic or seem even political. Many are great at doing that and seem to get the task done extremely efficiently. Yet, I struggle with the diversity of peoples character, even with a little experience here and there. I feel I lack the know-how and knowledge to lead a team appropriately, or I am just afraid to mess up and lose my repute even if it only exists on a small spectrum and that seems to be odd. I can't assess that very well, because I often feel I can get into anything. Yet, thanks to my diversity with human beings literally human beings around. Yet, nobody wants to work systemic. And is out for that one way to achieve the best result? Not sure if I am interpreting that correctly. Or that much yellow.

Especially, in tech after watching many videos. I am not sure if people are complete idiots, just grinding on their intelligence and skill sometimes, yet being super nice. Or, emotionally crippeled to life. They are hard-nosed the few creative people are more laid-back and communicative. (Big 5 or we) Yet, I often feel this is where diversity triumphs, but these "Humans" tend to not want to deal with any social aspects that include triggers at all. Which I can understand, yet this is why I do not understand how group work is supposed to unfold. Different fields also make it complicated.

Every female in my class even if she is status wise is under them is included in some group. Yet, as a cisgender male from an ethnic background, I often feel I have to polarize more, to be let into groups. Yet, when I have status aka good grades or a clean slate. Then I get offers, yet then I often mess up the process of group work. By not doing the work. Is this all that it is about, I struggle with a topic, nobody is proactive and calls someone else only friends? I worked now in various group projects and I do not know if  I am putting too much of an emphasis in this, yet the potential areas where I could work in would include that aspect also. 

So, how to deal with group and office politics, when you want to rise as a leader? Besides having the most important (Stage Yellow perspective) IMO. The competency and the assessment of using the spiral and differentiating process from a system, delegating tasks, asking people what they want to work on, having competence teams that complement each other, what lacks is a vision mostly here, so the friendship future vision triumphs the project vision. I do not know how to sell them an LP, potentially that would be great lol. Considering how toxic people are, who works together with the best with whom, who has which hidden talent. How can I motivate? How can I contribute? Ideally, have the entities do their own thing without any external incentive. So, 100% intrinsic drive. 

What I lack with is the following:

What binds a group besides a vision, especially lazy students. How much can be forced on an assertive level? How can I polarize more to gain more social influence, in order to have a larger outreach of potential, career paths etc? I am not sure how to consciously befriend people, I start small talks and ask if they want to do smth? I always wanted to be part of a real "college" or "school" experience. Yet, I choose the wrong uni for that definitely. Yet, then I retreat because they turn unconscious and either way I laugh so hard, because they never dealt for instance literally, with an Indian sounding voice in real life which annoys them. And is or can be annoying. Also giving people compliments is not that easy for me. I'll mediate over that though. (30 min compassion exercise ...insert great joke) The difficulty of other humans recognizing that I am part of their culture is what annoys me a bit, not sure how to deal with that besides saying hello, I am there. What are some concrete actions and especially wordings to say when dealing with people? 

What I do is the following: As much as possible which works. 

Instead of saying but, I say yet. This has proven to work to not negate an argument

Instead of saying commanding give recommendations

Remember peoples names

Be polite give people honey.

Give genuine compliments ( this works fantastic, so I stay in a group with a healthy picture, for e.g simple things as this picture is beautiful it reminds me of xyz song, or this looks amazing I am already feeling goosebumps. yet, it is difficult for me to give heartfelt compliments instead of excitement based ones. 

Don't criticize ( I struggle with this "German!" habit of lamenting a trillion times)  <- 

Body language: Crossed legs = insecure, four angle lock thingy is competitiveness and aggressiveness, eye contact passive domineering or assertive, body posture, dilation of eyes for interest in a subject, using a phone ( worst sign ever), storytelling, trying to evoke emotions positive ones.

Feet position pointing towards you or away, the skull resting on the handpalms.

Using meditation skills when interacting with others, only works currently when there is a small break in the conversation or a new environment/human to talk to. (not too much) 

 

Basically, my question is as a longtime follower of "leaders". How do I get people to follow me or how do I get into groups, create more friendships? I often feel I need more social status, yet not sure if necessary. I am also quite picky, some people won't change. Which is fine

What are some personal success stories that one of you had as a leader, and which thoughts did occur, in combination with what has been read? So, which principles have been distilled.

Are there people on the forum who post about this type of phenomenon? 

I am rearranging my whole study procedure again, after reading a book. Yet, I am unsure how much sleep is necessary to be great.