How does one politely turn down a guy respectfully?

[Shir]

@Vito C

On 2/2/2019 at 4:48 PM, Vito C said:

Yea exactly just mention to him once what Leo said and then never return his messseges again or block him.. also it seems as tho he’s the one who needs therapy for falling in love with someone he’s never met.. also you have it easy.. my friend is going thru the same thing except the guy lives 2 minutes from her and he ends up stalking her all because he can’t handle excepting the fact that she is just not interested in him 

Hey there!!! 

Thank you kindly for your thoughts and advice - I REALLY appreciate it. I forgot to update the post but basically, I did my best to say what what was recommended here (maybe not firmly enough, it seems) and he kinda backed off romantically but not REALLY so...he's now basically all "we'll get to know one another as friends! and then be bf and gf!" to which I'm just all ugh...I can't with this right now.

You're right, this is over the top falling in love...with all due respect to him and everything.

I'm so sorry about your friend! That sounds horrible and just reading it made me uneasy. I sincerely hope she's being safe! 

[Shir]

@now is forever

On 2/2/2019 at 5:55 PM, now is forever said:

@Shir you need to definitely be very clear about it! it’s not that anyone can read your mood if you don’t make your standpoint clear. why can’t you tell him that you don’t want, when he is so into you it’s not for his sake! you are feeling bad because a part of you is feeling good for getting this compliment. and you feel bad because you know how it feels like when in unrequited love. but you are not doing yourself or him a favour - by not being straight forward even harshly clear about it, you invite him keeping the illusion up and in a sense you are really doing it by not acting the way your gut tells you. you need to shut him out as it appears. (it seems like he has your mobile number, so you then block that number, if he doesn’t react to a second no)

if you are unlucky it might even turn out that he doesn’t believe it - and still goes on - that’s when you need to break off any contact , leaving the online space you met him. don’t get swayed by wishi washi, instead making it as clear as possible. i hope his ego can handle it, can yours?

Hey There!!! Thank you kindly for your thoughts on my situation - I really appreciate all the help and advice <333

I mentioned in my last post that I was trying to be more clear now but alas he got it and is still bothering me...I hate that I feel bad in hurting his feelings but this is really getting to me, I hate the situation. I told him that I'm not happy in this situation and that I cannot make him happy and it's really weighing on me...like dating REALLY shouldn't be THIS stressful! I didn't even want this to begin with, which makes it all that more annoying and uncomfortable.

And you're right, a part of me feels good for all the compliment and nice words but at this point I'd rather have more peace lol. 

I'm going to be more firm right now as I feel like EVERYONE here really gets me! It seems like this whole thing is off because if everyone gets me apart from him..it's really him that's the problem I feel like. 

On your last point - you were correct - he didn't believe me *sigh*.  At this point, my ego has had enough that's for sure

btw - love your avatar! awesome color choice and combo.

[Shir]

@Salvijus

On 2/2/2019 at 6:20 PM, Salvijus said:

@Shir that guy is just a big bag of trouble. He will hold you back. Get away from him. Doesnt matter politlely or impolitelly. Witchever way works for you

 

Hey there!!! Thank you kindly for your thoughts and help on my situation <33

He really is, I feel bad admitting that about him but I cannot do this anymore for sure. I already feel held back so you were RIGHT! 

[Shir]

On 2/2/2019 at 7:01 PM, bejapuskas said:

@Shir  Hi, I have been on the other side of this issue many times myself (even though it wasn't this crazy), so I feel like I can help.

I agree with everyone here, you should tell him a solid no, without justifying yourself. It hit me into the eyes straight away, as I began to read your message, you just keep saying the same thing and explaining yourself - are you maybe hiding something? Don't be affraid to let it out.

Saying things like you deserve one better than me hurts especially badly, but maybe this guy needs just that. If a girl didn't dump me, I wouldn't be here, never experienced a pain like that before - but when you aren't at the rock bottom, you can only go upwards  

@bejapuskas Thank you kindly for your thoughts and your help! I appreciate it  it helps even more when it's coming from a man and the male's perspective even more.

It seems like I'm going to have to be more firm with him as that ever since making this post, I went back and tried being more firm and giving a better no and he seems to not get it yet, which is unfortunate. I was being honest with him and it seems like even more that I really needed to - so in terms of hiding I think I'm on the better end of things lol. I feel more suspicious of him if I'm being honest with you. 

Oh and i'm sorry, I would never tell him that I deserve better than him so please don't think I meant that haha - sounds mean ;P in my original post, I meant that he deserves better than I and I really mean that. 

Good luck on your journey! You sound like an awesome guy for sure and you deserve all the love

[Shir]

@bejapuskas

On 2/6/2019 at 11:19 AM, bejapuskas said:

Be careful about that attachment  

Lmao don't be mean...it isn't everyday that we can get Leo's advice first up! 

[Shir]

@outlandish

On 2/7/2019 at 10:05 PM, outlandish said:

Agreed with what Leo said - you want to keep it simple, just say you're flattered but not interested. This is the kindest thing you could do to yourself and the guy. You won't get tangled in complexity, he gets the message clearly and knows he can move on.

I have learned from now on to be more like THIS  Thank you kindly for your help and direction! This is such a mess right now and I just cannot deal with it *sigh*. 

[Shir]

On 2/8/2019 at 2:09 AM, Leo Gura said:

There are certain social standards which are useful guidelines for determining health/dysfunction.

@Leo Gura Thank you Leo,

May I ask what are your thoughts on one that doesn't feel the need to have a romantic relationship or be in one ? I feel like that desire of mine has died (even though for most of my life, I felt like it was a desire I had and felt "normal" socially for wanting a bf/wanting romantic love). It's been a year or so since that desire has practically died/vanished and I feel very alien to others because of that. And now in a way, I can look at everything from the outside and see all this hunger and rat race that people are going through whom are desperate for love and being loved by others...

I want to add that I'm a very, very friendly person and it's not so much that I never was a social person but more so that I don't want to have social interactions anymore really...much less dating or pursing a future partner. It's very odd. I feel less like a woman for it and less human because of this. It's quite heartbreaking because even if I push myself to date or go out...my heart is not really there and it all would feel like an act just to please the outside world. It would not be genuine or even wanted.

I've been in Therapy for Depression for the last 1.5 years and although it helps in some aspects...I feel like my Therapist is saying that "this too shall pass" but it doesn't feel like a phase, more like "I don't see the point anymore in love/relationships" and so I am more secluded than ever (which is also an experience, solitude can be a gift too sometimes).

[bejapuskas]

18 hours ago, Shir said:

Oh and i'm sorry, I would never tell him that I deserve better than him so please don't think I meant that haha - sounds mean ;P in my original post, I meant that he deserves better than I and I really mean that. 

Good luck on your journey! You sound like an awesome guy for sure and you deserve all the love

Oh, I also meant that, maybe I should've put it into quotation marks...  But I think that sounds mean too, because it's just not his reality. You're like the top best package for him (if he is a needy guy) and he doesn't see any better you know. 

Thanks  <3 You sound awesome as well  

[bejapuskas]

18 hours ago, Shir said:

May I ask what are your thoughts on one that doesn't feel the need to have a romantic relationship or be in one ? I feel like that desire of mine has died (even though for most of my life, I felt like it was a desire I had and felt "normal" socially for wanting a bf/wanting romantic love). It's been a year or so since that desire has practically died/vanished and I feel very alien to others because of that. And now in a way, I can look at everything from the outside and see all this hunger and rat race that people are going through whom are desperate for love and being loved by others...

I want to add that I'm a very, very friendly person and it's not so much that I never was a social person but more so that I don't want to have social interactions anymore really...much less dating or pursing a future partner. It's very odd. I feel less like a woman for it and less human because of this. It's quite heartbreaking because even if I push myself to date or go out...my heart is not really there and it all would feel like an act just to please the outside world. It would not be genuine or even wanted.

Hm... interesting to see other people with this problem  I used to be incredibly needy for love, but now when I'm not, pretty girls are hitting on me, but I don't feel like I need them in my life. Even though the date goes well, we have similar hobbies, sense of humor, she is pretty and smart... I don't feel anything. I'm 15, but it's kind of weird, because other people in my age are like exploring their sexuality, but I'm kind of stagnating with it hahaha.

[Aquarius]

Don't allow him to make you feel bad. Guys like a honest girl. Tell him that you're not interested anymore. Be as blunt and simple as possible and give no explanations. You're getting manipulated into this relationship and you know it, and you have your fair share in this issue by giving him false hopes. If you're not interested in him particularly, go find another (healthy) man. 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2019 by Aquarius