absolute infinity trip report. Please help

[herghly]

I smoked 5meo dmt 8 weeks ago and this time it was NNDMT. In the pasted I have smoked NNDMT and it always brings me into a visual wonderland giving me the experience of another world. However this time it was NOT the same, it was exactly what I had experienced on 5meo BUT stronger. Others who I was with all had the typical nndmt experience except for me.

 

What happened next still makes no sense.. I was expecting nn-dmt world but what I got was absolute infinity. I had a pure 5meo-dmt experience

Become complete conscious that nothing is real at all

• Completed mind fucked
• Life is a dream
• Realized that everything that I ever thought is real - including myself, my friends, family.. Everything was never real
• Thought I was going crazy and then I had the thought of killing myself, next thing I realized was that would do nothing I will be back again again again again.. It is all infinite
• Terrifying, not all spiritual experiences are enjoyable. ALL ONE, nonduality is not always blissful. The ramifications are massive, literally, that means you do not exist at all
• It felt like every experience I have EVER had and EVERY person I have ever met has been a test for me to experience waking up. I relived my whole life in a split second and then realized it never happened
• As I began to have thoughts of ego dissolutions and death I then realized that too is all an illusion
• As the experience was ending I was completed mind fucked and then It hit my minds are an illusion too. That pushed me right back into the experience 

After that experience, I then smoked again a few hours later. This time I felt like I tapped into some form of universal intelligence (consciousness?). I became fully aware of how the universe is intelligent and conscious. It can not be reduced down into simple rules and formulas.

What's been seen can not be unseen now. I can't shake this experience. I have a hard to explaining this experience to anyone, not only because words don't do it justice but also because I start to cry.

I have had this peak experience and now what guys? @Leo Gura

Have a lot of work to integrate all of this.. Not even sure where to begin, but it has to be done

Edited February 1, 2019 by herghly

[cetus]

Seems to be you got the Full Monty all at once.

[herghly]

@cetus56 is that what we are calling it around here 

[cetus]

There's nothing to panic about. It never really happened.

[herghly]

This experience has shaken me to my core. I can't simply forget about it, but how do I make sense of it all?

Usually, you take some LSD or Mushrooms and you get a few lessons to integrate into your life.  But this is a whole other level

[cetus]

@herghly You certainly stepped up your game there. You condensed 20 years worth of sitting on a cushion into a few hours.

[cetus]

Just for a piece of mind nothing about reality changed at all. Only the way you see it.

[Leo Gura]

@herghly Yup, that's how it is. And there's still deeper levels.

After a 5-MeO breakthrough, most other psychedelics become very 5-MeO-like. So watch out. Lower your dosages.

Allow some time to pass so you can integrate. I took me months, and probably over a year, to fully integrate my biggest 5-MeO breakthrough. And I've had numerous other breakthroughs afterwards which also took some weeks/months to integrate and make sense of.

You ain't ever gonna make sense of it all in 1 week.

What now? Become that conscious 24/7 Memories of it aren't good enough. You want to develop yourself to a state of permanent nondual awareness, AKA, Sahaja Samadhi.

[herghly]

well, actually right now more than ever before i have a burning desire to get to the bottom of this. I know you suggest taking a break, but I also don't know when or if I'd have this motivation again @Leo Gura

I will do another breakthrough soon and then take a break from this substance. Right now, I need answers

[Leo Gura]

@herghly Longer-active substances like LSD or mushrooms can be very good for getting answers. 5-MeO doesn't give sufficient time to really answer all the questions. Especially if you're smoking it. I did a lot of integration through LSD and mushrooms after 5-MeO.

[herghly]

that's what I am planning on doing. I'll smoke once more soon and then take a break for 6-12 months and use other psychedelics to integrate this complete mind fuck

[herghly]

Does anyone else have suggestions for integration besides meditating more, journaling and spending time in nature?

 

how do you integrate a mind fuck

 

@Arthur

[DoubleYou]

2 hours ago, herghly said:

Does anyone else have suggestions for integration besides meditating more, journaling and spending time in nature?

 

how do you integrate a mind fuck

 

@Arthur

Notice that one that wants to integrate, meditate, needs all the answers, etc...? 

Let go of that one. 

Thats how integration happens. That's when answers will start to arise. When you give up completely. You realised the ego's illusion, so it can now be let go of. More and more.

And even then, you will find yourself meditating, going into nature, looking for answers, taking shrooms. It will all continue. From a much deeper authentic level. Without all the neediness. 

This is where the fun begins.

[Nahm]

@herghly

When inclined to say a word or have a thought (ego), let it (ego) go. No word or thought will do, self inquire without words & without thoughts.

Surrender the surrender. Empty the empty. Nothing the nothing. See the seeing. Love the love. Non-sense the nonsense. Laugh the laugh. 

If there is struggle (thoughts), immediately give equal attention to the opposite of the arising thought, “cancel out” the dualistic view with itself, aware of all views by aware of no views, aware of no views by aware of all views. The wholistic insight; any thought’s the no thought, no thought’s the all thought. Presence is one, aware of two’s (thoughts / perspectives = dual), all two’s are one - I am that. I am the I am _______. 

Inclusion; all thoughts, all things, all inquires, all questions, all answers - rather.....I am that, I am; inclusion...isness, amness. 

 

This won’t “make sense”. That is it’s “effectiveness”; it is ineffective. 

[Arthur]

16 hours ago, herghly said:

how do you integrate a mind fuck

 

That's a good question. I don't think I will ever reach a point where I can comprehend what happened. It's in a completely different domain from my typical state of consciousness. It's way beyond what a person can conceptually understand.

With time, the shock from the experience went down for me. Not that I can ever forget what it meant, but everyday life has a tendency to pull you down so to speak. I'm also taking a break from 5-meo. I feel like I got more Spirituality shoved down my throat than I can swallow, especially at a young age. 

Practically speaking, there are a couple of things that helped me to cope. 

• The book "Turiya - The God State" by SantataGamana, was recommended by @Greatnestwithin
• Re-watching Enlightened masters talking about spirituality. Even things you are very familiar with, now they will make sense on a deeper level. 
• Understanding that I'm not the first or the last person going through this.
• Talking to people on this forum.
• Coming to terms that life is not material, not physical and essentially a dream.
• Coming to terms that the "outside" appearance is actually happening within me, as consciousness. (Still freaks me out).
• Just going through the motions. chopping wood and carrying water.

Edited February 2, 2019 by Arthur

[smurf88]

Isn't the flip side of "nothing is real" that everything is real? After all, existence and nothingness cannot exist without each other. 

Maybe I just have to try it.

[Leo Gura]

For me integration doesn't require an active process. It's more passive. I just passively re-live the experience in my mind many times and contemplate it. My mind sorta just naturally goes over it again and again until it makes sense. The best way to enable this is simply to give yourself free time to contemplate. For example, I love driving late at night and just organically contemplating stuff. Not as a technique, but just doing it "naturally", for enjoyment, not to get a certain outcome.

For me the obstacle to integration is being too busy with mundane chores or business or social obligations. So try to minimize those.

[Maya_0]

What happened here was the ego got a taste of it's non-existence. This is what the ego is terrified of the most. The entire function of the mind/ego is to preserve it's assumed existence; it does everything it can to guard against finding this out, from lifting the veil off duality. 

You're cry here is still the ego holding on, denying what it saw, that is, it's non-existence. It's like the ego is still hanging in a limbo zone. It's understands it's really there, but it's still there enough to complain and be afraid about what it saw.

I think you just need to work on coming to terms with this truth. Try not to see it as a negative (what I am not, what things aren't). But instead see it in terms of a positive (what things all are, all that I am). By only dwelling on the negative side, your experience here sounds incomplete in that sense. What you're missing is the positive: the felt being-knowing of all that there is, what everything is, what you are, that is God. And you are God. 

[Inliytened1]

@herghly dude...this is not absolute infinity.  Absolute infinity is becoming completely consciousness that you are complete nothingness which cannot be expressed by words.  You must directly experience complete nothingness which is what you are.  Thats infinity.

[Sockrattes]

16 hours ago, herghly said:

how do you integrate a mind fuck

You are very fortunate. You have realised that Samsara is real. Now it is time to attain Nirvana.

Just follow Buddhas teachings to get rid of the fetters, which leads to rebirths:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pratītyasamutpāda (or dependent origination)

2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths 

and the most important of them all

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noble_Eightfold_Path

 

This is the most important thing in your life now. Abide in it no matter what.

Good luck bro. The Kingdom of God is awaiting you.

Edited February 2, 2019 by Sockrattes