absolute infinity trip report. Please help

[Matt8800]

21 hours ago, herghly said:

I smoked 5meo dmt 8 weeks ago and this time it was NNDMT. In the pasted I have smoked NNDMT and it always brings me into a visual wonderland giving me the experience of another world. However this time it was NOT the same, it was exactly what I had experienced on 5meo BUT stronger. Others who I was with all had the typical nndmt experience except for me.

 

What happened next still makes no sense.. I was expecting nn-dmt world but what I got was absolute infinity. I had a pure 5meo-dmt experience

Become complete conscious that nothing is real at all

• Completed mind fucked
• Life is a dream
• Realized that everything that I ever thought is real - including myself, my friends, family.. Everything was never real
• Thought I was going crazy and then I had the thought of killing myself, next thing I realized was that would do nothing I will be back again again again again.. It is all infinite
• Terrifying, not all spiritual experiences are enjoyable. ALL ONE, nonduality is not always blissful. The ramifications are massive, literally, that means you do not exist at all
• It felt like every experience I have EVER had and EVERY person I have ever met has been a test for me to experience waking up. I relived my whole life in a split second and then realized it never happened
• As I began to have thoughts of ego dissolutions and death I then realized that too is all an illusion
• As the experience was ending I was completed mind fucked and then It hit my minds are an illusion too. That pushed me right back into the experience 

After that experience, I then smoked again a few hours later. This time I felt like I tapped into some form of universal intelligence (consciousness?). I became fully aware of how the universe is intelligent and conscious. It can not be reduced down into simple rules and formulas.

What's been seen can not be unseen now. I can't shake this experience. I have a hard to explaining this experience to anyone, not only because words don't do it justice but also because I start to cry.

I have had this peak experience and now what guys? @Leo Gura

Have a lot of work to integrate all of this.. Not even sure where to begin, but it has to be done

Start meditating DAILY and investigate your thoughts. Investigate the 3 characteristics of suffering (Buddhism). Start reading.

What you had is an important break-through but your ego is fighting for survival and will pull you back if you let it.

[AlwaysBeNice]

It integrates wonderfully in time, just keep practice, maybe time for devotion or a sangha, learn to find the love in the stillness and know/discern the I that is awareness

You definitely will not get any mental 'answers' out of it in any real or existential sense

[herghly]

@Inliytened1 Different words to explain the same thing. I could also say nothingness

[Inliytened1]

@herghly gotchya..reread your post and looks like you did get a real hit of enlightenment.  Congratulations.  If you actually think too deeply about it can be quite scary because it actually means you never really existed but that you are just a concept.  So be aware that ego backlash may kick in.   So watch out for that and even bouts of depression.  

You may have more mystical experiences  over the next week.  But continue to do the work and the meditation so that you can deepen your enlightenment