Feeling a unfulfilled and disconnected when looking people in the eye.

[traveler]

I have a hard time conversing with other people as I now have nothing in common with their way of thought. When I look into the eyes of other people, especially people I'm close with (my parents, the few friends I have left), I feel like there is this invisible thing between our gazing that makes it uncomfortable and unfulfilling to interact with them. I'm not sure if it's the big difference in mind states that create this gap, or if it's the judgements and expectations they have of me and I maybe have of them. I find myself seeking alone time a lot, I almost only talk with my parents as I haven't had a job in a long time. These are always really shallow and unfulfilling conversations though. I haven't had real social interactions in a long time, and find myself getting anxious just of the thought of talking with the cashier at the shop. These are not feelings on inferiority and I'm very aware of these thoughts when they come up. I have lost friends, as I have a hard time participating in ego talk. I feel unfulfilled, and that is probably because of the little ego I have left, but It feels like the only positive thing that have come from my awakening experience, was the experience itself. After that I have been living a pretty unfulfilling and detached life. While I write these things I'm aware that all these problems are illusions made up by the ego, that they aren't real, but I always find myself in that loop. Having these problems, then realizing they aren't real and that it is my ego that is speaking and creating all of these problems which gives me some sort of relief for a very short time, then falling into ego again, and so on. 

When I read posts on this forum it doesn't seem like that many people are fulfilled, but that is just my interpretation of the things I read on here. I would like to now if you are fulfilled? Please be honest. I would also like to know If you have found yourself being more disconnected than connected in the stages after awakening? 

Also does anybody else find themselves in the same kind of loop, that I mentioned?

Edited January 31, 2019 by traveler

[cetus]

Practice gratitude.

[Rilles]

i feel love when i look into peoples eyes, its great for feeling connection

[Nahm]

Awareness & understanding the mechanisms would be enough to lose the loops. 

Freud’s 12 Mechanisms

[Acche]

15 minutes ago, traveler said:

I have a hard time conversing with other people as I now have nothing in common with their way of thought. When I look into the eyes of other people, especially people I'm close with (my parents, the few friends I have left), I feel like there is this invisible thing between our gazing that makes it uncomfortable and unfulfilling to interact with them. I'm not sure if it's the big difference in mind states that create this gap, or if it's the judgements and expectations they have of me and I maybe have of them. I find myself seeking alone time a lot, I almost only talk with my parents as I haven't had a job in a long time. These are always really shallow and unfulfilling conversations though. I haven't had real social interactions in a long time, and find myself getting anxious just of the thought of talking with the cashier at the shop. These are not feelings on inferiority and I'm very aware of these thoughts when they come up. I have lost friends, as I have a hard time participating in ego talk. I feel unfulfilled, and that is probably because of the little ego I have left, but It feels like the only positive thing that have come from my awakening experience, was the experience itself. After that I have been living a pretty unfulfilling and detached life. While I write these things I'm aware that all these problems are illusions made up by the ego, that they aren't real, but I always find myself in that loop. Having these problems, then realizing they aren't real and that it is my ego that is speaking and creating all of these problems which gives me some sort of relief for a very short time, then falling into ego again, and so on. 

When I read posts on this forum it doesn't seem like that many people are fulfilled, but that is just my interpretation of the things I read on here. I would like to now if you are fulfilled? Please be honest. I would also like to know If you have found yourself being more disconnected than connected in the stages after awakening? 

Also does anybody else find themselves in the same kind of loop, that I mentioned?

It happens, now I just laugh or roll my eyes when in a low vibration.

Do I feel fulfilled? Honestly yes. Does my vibration drop / lose awareness, sure. But like you said with the loop, so I bring it around the moment I'm aware.

Sure, sometimes I feel 'disconnected' from the culture, or the system, but I'm happy with that. Cheat, I've always found humans generally silly.  

To quote some bald head guy, awareness alone is curative. Maybe we suffer until full awakening, shhh honestly I don't take it too seriously, most things are comical now. I try to find joy in little silly things, like bugs and so on.
You sound pretty down. Plan a trip or a magical adventure or something fun with the few people you still connect to. We still get to enjoy the human experience, and source knows ! there's stuff to enjoy. Maybe don't take it so seriously, if you believe, it appears we're here forever

The divine sorrow in me acknowledges the divine sorrow in you namaste ! 

[traveler]

4 minutes ago, Acche said:

It happens, now I just laugh or roll my eyes when in a low vibration.

Do I feel fulfilled? Honestly yes. Does my vibration drop / lose awareness, sure. But like you said with the loop, so I bring it around the moment I'm aware.

Sure, sometimes I feel 'disconnected' from the culture, or the system, but I'm happy with that. Cheat, I've always found humans generally silly.  

To quote some bald head guy, awareness alone is curative. Maybe we suffer until full awakening, shhh honestly I don't take it too seriously, most things are comical now. I try to find joy in little silly things, like bugs and so on.
You sound pretty down. Plan a trip or a magical adventure or something fun with the few people you still connect to. We still get to enjoy the human experience, and source knows ! there's stuff to enjoy. Maybe don't take it so seriously, if you believe, it appears we're here forever

The divine sorrow in me acknowledges the divine sorrow in you namaste ! 

Thank you for this  

[Highest]

The same Aware God-Self which is All shines trough the eyes, the illusion/the false just has to be pierced trough and it will be seen clearly. It has always been the case, we were just in sleep. In love with the dream, afraid to see others as God.

[Brenzo2]

You're still participating heavily in ego talk to yourself (inside your head). 

I would try to become mindfully conscious of any judgements that arise involving self-referential concepts. 

 

I've experienced periods of physical and mental anxiousness, even toward strangers like you mentioned. Irrational thoughts followed, exaggerated motions etc. 

I would say the main things that lessened my anxiety a GREAT deal was:

• CBD Products (use with caution). 
• Becoming familiar with the cyclical nature of anxiety. 
• Practicing intense mindful awareness during anxious moments.
• Realising consciously that my ideas and thoughts are wholly private and unknowable by others. 

Edited January 31, 2019 by Brenzo2

[TheAvatarState]

20 hours ago, traveler said:

When I read posts on this forum it doesn't seem like that many people are fulfilled, but that is just my interpretation of the things I read on here.

More people come here to get advice for their problems, so it may seem that way. You're projecting your unsatisfaction with the miniscule and painful short-term results of this path. Stick out, it gets better!

This might be a hard pill to swallow, but any awkwardness you feel when looking into someone's eyes is actually coming from you. That has always been the case

[Acche]

On 1/31/2019 at 4:43 PM, traveler said:

Thank you for this  

How goes it these day

[traveler]

4 hours ago, Acche said:

How goes it these day

Had forgot all about this post, it's interesting to read what was experienced back then. There has really been some very low lows. I don't attach myself to a state of being happy or unhappy anymore. There's happiness or unhappiness happening and that's it. There's a recognition that the ego's pursuit is hopeless which gives a type of fulfillment. Guess you could say the recognition is strong right now as there was a real "rude" awakening after smoking weed yesterday, I've made a post about that too. I'm probably allergic to weed, I feel like I can't breath and my heart races like crazy. Weed also puts me in a state of self consciousness that makes it totally impossible for me to act like I'm a human being, but kind of forces me to face the unreality of what I believe that I am. 
 

If I should answer your question like a person meeting an old friend in an elevator, my answer is; I'm quite alright, how are you doing?

[VeganAwake]

@traveler  Some antidepressants like Lexapro can temporarily help with social anxiety but you might want to think about some cognitive behavioral health therapy.

Yes the way you feel is most likely your own mind and the effects of the social anxiety...

Remember you can never control how people think about you... but you can control the way you think they think about you...

Unconditional love helps so much with social anxiety...

No matter what anybody says or does to you just love them love them love them.

This doesn't mean you let them walk all over you still need to set healthy boundaries and defend yourself as needed ... you can still love them while doing all of this.

Social anxiety makes us think so many things that aren't true and when you actually talk to these individuals you find out that they really sometimes like you even though you might have thought they hated you or disliked you or thought you were weird...

So much of it is in our own minds... best thing you can do really is stay out of the mind and just love love love..?

Social anxiety is tough I have it to so totally understand...

It's not the show stopper it seems to be though... it's best just to accept that you have it... and try to get some help and work on love..

 

[traveler]

9 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

@traveler  Some antidepressants like Lexapro can temporarily help with social anxiety but you might want to think about some cognitive behavioral health therapy.

Yes the way you feel is most likely your own mind and the effects of the social anxiety...

Remember you can never control how people think about you... but you can control the way you think they think about you...

Unconditional love helps so much with social anxiety...

No matter what anybody says or does to you just love them love them love them.

This doesn't mean you let them walk all over you still need to set healthy boundaries and defend yourself as needed ... you can still love them while doing all of this.

Social anxiety makes us think so many things that aren't true and when you actually talk to these individuals you find out that they really sometimes like you even though you might have thought they hated you or disliked you or thought you were weird...

So much of it is in our own minds... best thing you can do really is stay out of the mind and just love love love..?

Social anxiety is tough I have it to so totally understand...

It's not the show stopper it seems to be though... it's best just to accept that you have it... and try to get some help and work on love..

 

Thanks you ❤ the post is over a year old though, I'm a lot better of now than I was back then in terms of the problems stated in the original post. 

[VeganAwake]

@traveler  oh good I'm glad you're doing better I didn't read the follow on posts or notice how old they were...

It sounds like you stopped resisting the situation and the feelings that were arising..❤

Would you mind listing maybe the top three things that helped you the most with your depression and anxiety...

I have social anxiety as well I was just wondering what worked the best for you. ?

[traveler]

8 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

@traveler  oh good I'm glad you're doing better I didn't read the follow on posts or notice how old they were...

It sounds like you stopped resisting the situation and the feelings that were arising..❤

Would you mind listing maybe the top three things that helped you the most with your depression and anxiety...

I have social anxiety as well I was just wondering what worked the best for you. ?

I don't really know actually. Seems like there's not much one can do to shed these unwanted emotions. Just have to wait it out, let it run it's course. There's of course things that could be done to help these emotions, such as cold showers, nofap, exercising, eating healthy, getting out of your comfort zone. These things are great, but it all comes down to if your going to do it or not, the normal thing for someone with depression or anxiety to do is probably not to do much about it because of the low self worth and lack of motivation. Hence let it run it's course and do what you can to make yourself feel better. ❤ I am by no means the right person to get advice for these kind of things, I'm not doing great in terms of friendships, family and work. There's less resistance to negative stuff now than there was before, I'm not depressed because I have absolutely no idea of what is going on so I can't create long stories about why these things are happening to ME anymore. Whatever is happening is what is happening.

[VeganAwake]

@traveler  It really sounds like you have recognized some of the highest teachings emptiness within emptiness.. it doesn't get more complete than that... I'm happy for you ❤

[traveler]

Haha, I dont know about that.? Thank you though. One more thing: find something you love to do, a hobby that allows you to express yourself creatively. I make beats and I absolutely love it. Got lots of time to do it now because of the whole Corona virus thing. 

[VeganAwake]

Although these words seem simple... there is a powerful message behind them and I've seen it transform people's life:

There's less resistance to negative stuff now than there was before, I'm not depressed because I have absolutely no idea of what is going on so I can't create long stories about why these things are happening to ME anymore. Whatever is happening is what is happening.

I love how it's nothing special I agree it's very humble though ?

[Tanz]

Simple solution and more complicated than most may think but practice SELF-LOVE

[NatureB]

Wow I am learning a lot from these comments as I have the same issue:

Practice Gratitude

Realize that awkwardness comes from me and not the other person

Quit being an ego and allow connection with others to happen

On the other side though, I can't force connection with other people. I have an idea in my head that once I meet someone that I truly connect with such as a best friend or a girlfriend, then I will remember what connection feels like and I will be able to connect with others again. That idea alone must be separating me more from others. I always try to find the first time that I felt a certain emotion, and once I do I can uproot it through meditation and not be affected by it.