Yet another newbie question - "social proof"

[billiesimon]

I'm going out at events and parties, and I've had two dates with two girls I've met at these parties. But I think I'm still too stifled and embarassed to really get some results right now.

Apart from this, I notice that these girls I'm meeting tend to be attracted A LOT by these "sex addicts" who are getting a lot of sex without even putting the effort to meet people, learn more empathy, and self actualize (which triggers me a lot).

---> Do girls care so much if you are having a lot of meaningless sex, to be attracted to you?

It seems to me that the fact that I've only had two girlfriends and that I'm all alone (sexually) right now is a HUGE turn off to them. 

Does this "social proof with women" factor matter so much to be attractive?

This may be BS of course, but I'm just asking, because I fear that my momentary "loneliness" might be the cause of no results.

[Hansu]

1 hour ago, billiesimon said:

Apart from this, I notice that these girls I'm meeting tend to be attracted A LOT by these "sex addicts" who are getting a lot of sex without even putting the effort to meet people, learn more empathy, and self actualize (which triggers me a lot).

Im not the top notch guy to talk about these things on Actualized. There are many users here with far more knowledge about relationships and pickup, however I'll throw my 10 cents into the subject about things that were hard for me to accept when I began reading about game and social interaction skills

Remember that these people who trigger you have worked for their skills, either by naturally learning in childhood or using sources of information to change their behavior later in life. Not even Kim Jong Un can get a suki-suki with no effort. Being angry at these people makes you white knight nice guy, and getting triggered by them doesen't make you any good in any way, so why even get triggered? They laugh at their way to the bank nights target while you are triggered at home.

Just learn behavior that is attractive to women and you should generate genuine attraction without manipulation, then settle on what you can get in this competitive highly manipulated field of human interaction. Or you can even use positive manipulation, lie about your sex count just like everyone else does if that is truly the root problem.

Oh, and social proof and social points are everything for many women! "I found this amazing guy last night who works as a surgeon and has the best jokes ever" is much juicier story to tell their girlfriends, than something like "I found this guy who really loves collecting fedoras and lives in his mom's basement, is 40 kilos overweight and made porn film voices while calling me his mother as we had sex"

[YaNanNallari]

Girls can have confusing needs, they don't gotta be perfect. This isn't really about your case, just more in general. Your choice if you want to get with girls like that, you're probably not obligated haha

[Jordan94]

What if them having a lot of meaningless sex was not the cause of the girls being attracted to them but the result ?

[Elisabeth]

2 hours ago, Jordan94 said:

What if them having a lot of meaningless sex was not the cause of the girls being attracted to them but the result ?

This. How would they get girls to have sex WITH, if girls were not attracted. 

Anyway, confidence is a factor, meaning it is a upwards/downwards spiral. If you do badly and despair, that will lower your chances further, if you do well and are confident in your attractiveness, that will help you further. (Like in many other areas of your life.) 

So... you already had two girlfriends. That means some girls are interested in you, right? No reason for desperation there. 

[Consept]

It's to do with abundance and scarcity mindset. So the guys sleeping with loads of girls have an abundant mentality when approaching new girls, essentially if they meet a new girl that won't have any qualms to move on if they don't like the girl or for whatever reason. Whereas because you have a scarcity mindset you're more attached to the outcome and it's more important to you that the interaction goes well, meaning that you're less loose, less present etc. 

An example is if you're going into business with someone who has already done well business, looks like they have money etc you'll feel more confident working with them than someone who's desperate and never had a business work, looks broke (think Gill if you watch the Simpsons).

So the trick is to get yourself in this abundant mindset, either by getting lots of girls or by loosening your attachment to outcome and realising that it's not that important if however many interactions don't go well. This mindset is probably the best thing you could do to attract women 

[Spiral]

This attitude work well

Edited February 1, 2019 by Spiral

[Leo Gura]

On 1/31/2019 at 7:56 AM, billiesimon said:

Do girls care so much if you are having a lot of meaningless sex, to be attracted to you?

They don't care how much sex you have, nor will they ever know.

But what they do care about is that you have some value as a man. To a woman, value in a man is his survival value to her. A valuable man usually acts confident, witty, easy-going, leader in his pack of friends, outgoing, charismatic, takes initiative, knows what he wants, passionate about his life, has a clear sense of direction in life, has a decent job, a results-maker, the boss, etc. The girl needs to feel that YOU are the prize. If you feel that she is the prize, she's basically out of your league and she knows it and so she won't get attracted to you.

Guys who are surrounded by lots of friends, who are the hub of their social network, have high value to a girl. She will find such a guy much more attractive than a loner because girls are social creatures and love to leech off social networks. That's a big part of their survival strategy.

To get the hottest girls you need to build a lot of social value. It's a full-time job. Having lots of friends who are girls are a great way to get girls interested in you. That's like the epitome of social proof. The more hot girls are around, the more will flock to you. Just like earning money. Winner takes all, loser ends up getting scraps.

Being famous is the best way to have social value. Which is why rockstars, DJ's, and celebrities get laid the most. Girls love a guy who has some solid social status which everyone recognizes.

With all that said, you don't need any social value to get a girl. It's mostly only necessary if you want to land the hottest girls, the top 5%. Ordinary girls will settle for much less. To attract an ordinary girl all you need is some confidence, humor, and decent conversation skills. All of which can be trained up.

[Key Elements]

@Leo Gura you made the best video on relationships here:

Although, it's more complicated than this, the key word is 'detachment.' I really like this word. We talk about enlightenment a lot in the forum. However, how you apply enlightenment in life is what counts the most. Life itself operates on the 'principles' of enlightenment. Detachment is one of the principles. When you are the no-self, you are one with everything, yet, when you are transforming back to your ego, you are detached from everything.

Yes, you got to be detached in a relationship. Allow the other person to be themselves and discover who they are. Discover who you are first and apply it to life. Once this happens, you accept them for who they are and give them space to develop throughout life. The other person gives you the same respect.

[now is forever]

@Leo Gura that’s so funny as if their own hotness would have something to do with how they evaluate their relationships or who they fall for.

@billiesimon question is how do you evaluate? what is your top priority in women? obviously a huge part is, how you evaluate attractiveness. maybe you are doing exactly the same as these women.

Edited February 3, 2019 by now is forever

[billiesimon]

Thanks for all the responses, but especially thanks to @Leo Gura for the greatest insight.

 

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

They don't care how much sex you have, nor will they ever know.

But what they do care about is that you have some value as a man. To a woman, value in a man is his survival value to her. A valuable man usually acts confident, witty, easy-going, leader in his pack of friends, outgoing, charismatic, takes initiative, knows what he wants, passionate about his life, has a clear sense of direction in life, has a decent job, a results-maker, the boss, etc. The girl needs to feel that YOU are the prize. If you feel that she is the prize, she's basically out of your league and she knows it and so she won't get attracted to you.

Guys who are surrounded by lots of friends, who are the hub of their social network, have high value to a girl. She will find such a guy much more attractive than a loner because girls are social creatures and love to leech off social networks. That's a big part of their survival strategy.

To get the hottest girls you need to build a lot of social value. It's a full-time job. Having lots of friends who are girls are a great way to get girls interested in you. That's like the epitome of social proof. The more hot girls are around, the more will flock to you. Just like earning money. Winner takes all, loser ends up getting scraps.

Being famous is the best way to have social value. Which is why rockstars, DJ's, and celebrities get laid the most. Girls love a guy who has some solid social status which everyone recognizes.

With all that said, you don't need any social value to get a girl. It's mostly only necessary if you want to land the hottest girls, the top 5%. Ordinary girls will settle for much less. To attract an ordinary girl all you need is some confidence, humor, and decent conversation skills. All of which can be trained up.

Definitely I have to work on social skills a lot more. And confidence too.

I'm not interested in the model-hotness type, I tend to like cute/pretty girls with a soft character, and an intellectual/compassionate lifestyle.
But I recognize the importance of building top notch social skills and social proof, so I'm gonna work on this too. Every girl, from average to model, likes a man who can build social circles and find new friends.
Thanks again, Leo 

[billiesimon]

39 minutes ago, now is forever said:

@Leo Gura that’s so funny as if their own hotness would have something to do with how they evaluate their relationships or who they fall for.

@billiesimon question is how do you evaluate? what is your top priority in women? obviously a huge part is, how you evaluate attractiveness. maybe you are doing exactly the same as these women.

I like normally cute girls. If you want to use the PUA metric, it's around 7 or 8 out of 10 in looks.
I generally don't like models and club-obsessed girls. My favourite are intellectual girls with compassion and a very feminine and soft personality.
I tend to gravitate towards the cute girl who's been a book addict her whole life and somehow nerdy, but still very cute and feminine in her clothing style.

A problem that I encounter is the venues:
where can I find this niche of girls? SOME of them go to the club, but not all of them.

Edited February 3, 2019 by billiesimon

[now is forever]

@billiesimon maybe that’s a lot of preconception...it falls where it falls you know. they may look like a type to you and you look like a type to them. that might be the problem. did you ever try non categorization? as long as she’s a type she can’t be a person.

Edited February 3, 2019 by now is forever

[Leo Gura]

12 hours ago, now is forever said:

@Leo Gura that’s so funny as if their own hotness would have something to do with how they evaluate their relationships or who they fall for.

Their hotness actually plays a fairly important role. A hot girl has enormous value to men. Men know it and she knows it. And she will use that to up her survival (as any living creature would).

Getting 5's, 6's, and 7's is pretty straight forward. But if you want to date 8's and 9's, you gotta bring some serious value to the table. Hotness comes with a price. Hotness ain't free. As far as 10's, forget about it. Not even worth thinking about.

Handling 9's and 10's is not gonna be worth your time most likely. They can be really high maintenance and have spoiled rotten materialistic souls.

The best way to land 9's and 10's is to become famous. So your social value is obvious and glaring it's never in question that you are the prize and she's be lucky to be in your presence. Fame is an awesome dating strategy and can tie in nicely with your LP. For example, if you're a famous author, you should have no problem getting laid from social events and book signings.

Just be careful not to abuse it.

[Good-boy]

Need money too. Check out Dan Bilzerian with the hottest chicks 24/7

 

[universe]

On 31.1.2019 at 4:56 PM, billiesimon said:

This may be BS of course, but I'm just asking, because I fear that my momentary "loneliness" might be the cause of no results.

Replace loneyliness with needyness and you got it straight.

Like @Key Elements said. When you are detached there is so much that comes your way:

-Not playing her games

-Confidence

-Authenticity

-Unreactiveness

etc.

[Key Elements]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

hot girl 

 

The best way to land 9's and 10's is to become famous. 

Just be careful not to abuse it.

You know, Leo, you have an interesting forum. It's just that, like I said in my post in this thread, 'detachment' pretty much describes enlightenment. So, what I'm saying here is, don't expect a fulfilling relationship to be in the tune of stage orange. ?  lol

It will never sound like, 

?? "Don't you wish your gf was enlightened like me!" ??

It doesn't work that way. Don't confuse ppl.

[now is forever]

18 hours ago, billiesimon said:

I like normally cute girls. If you want to use the PUA metric, it's around 7 or 8 out of 10 in looks.
I generally don't like models and club-obsessed girls. My favourite are intellectual girls with compassion and a very feminine and soft personality.
I tend to gravitate towards the cute girl who's been a book addict her whole life and somehow nerdy, but still very cute and feminine in her clothing style.

A problem that I encounter is the venues:
where can I find this niche of girls? SOME of them go to the club, but not all of them.

if i wanted to use any pua metric, then i’d use only this one. it’s interesting that there are more than one, isn’t it. well if we are talking about value systems...just thought i’d give you a recommendation. hilti imperial metric pua 56 if that’s of interest.

 

 

and maybe you just check out libraries and bookstores and other literature events, if you like book addicts.

Edited February 4, 2019 by now is forever