Advanced emotional development in our teens goes away as we grow up?

[EternalForest]

Children have a quite shallow emotional intelligence, it's either the best day ever or the worst day ever, usually for shallow reasons. Adults are pretty emotionally stoic, yeah they occasionally cry or get upset, but they usually don't experience the types of deep joy that they did in their teens. After thinking it through, I tend to believe that teenagers experience the deepest emotions and their lives are driven by emotion the most. Their emotional intelligence seems to be more authentic, and they seem to have a better sense of what they're really passionate about and take life by ear and live much more in the moment. They seem to not only experience the greatest joys but also have much more sophisticated understanding of suffering and pain than I think most give them credit for. What are your thoughts on this, and why do you think it is 
I have this sense that teens are the most emotionally developed?

[Wyze]

@EternalForest I think your onto something. and heres my 2c.

I've always felt really strange about this "adult world" until I met Spiral Dynamics and it all starts to make sense.

During our childhood - we are mostly still learning about everything, so we don't have the emotional understanding and expression. But there is a sense of pureness and authenticity in children (most).

During our highschool years and possibly even extended to uni days, this is where I felt the most comfortable and happiest. If you have successfully developed in your childhood without major trauma, people are able to go after their achievements. (start of orange but healthy compeition) But the environment is still somewhat "in a bubble" and if you were not majorly picked on during this time, you are able to develop some good friendship and truly experience emotional connection and authenticity. (This is where I started to tap into Green and felt most connected and understood.)

As adults - what the fuck LOL. Everyone is highly inauthentic (from traumas) and some people are literally looking to seek revenge everywhere. You have workplace bullying, ruthless cutthroat, extreme competition, workplace games, dating games etc. (I think the adult environment is unhealthy orange). I witness after over a decade as an adult"; all my friends have turned extremely selfish and self-centered.

For example, recently a friend of mine is getting married, and during our catchup with the 3 of us; my friend (getting married), my other friend (already married) and myself. We have known each other since age of 13. The whole time during this catchup, they were 1. comparing their ring size and 2. comparing their house size and how many room. 3, obtaining information out of each other over the perceived value of their homes. WTF... (extremely orange or what?) and I was waiting for the conversation to turn real like "how do you feel about getting married, and start this new chapter in your life?"...waiting for the entire night.

I think we are all forced into following the majority or where the spiral colour is.

 

Edited January 29, 2019 by Wyze

[EternalForest]

@Wyze Yeah I think it has a lot to do with identity. That's when our identity was the purest so the speak. I feel like as we get older and are forced to conform to society all of our identities become "ADULT *TM"... That's why I try my hardest to keep an open mind.

[Bluebird]

@EternalForest Teenagers are likely just the most emotionally volatile. Adults then repress this when they realise it no longer works. Teenagers have not yet fixed down their identity and so explore everything to see what fits. Eventually they git sick of this and normally end up picking one that kinda works for them. This is you now, that's your identity.

Emotional development is not volatility, nor is it repression or escapism. Most teenagers also have not experienced that much relative to middle-aged individuals, so there is less perspective. It's quite natural to become more emotionally balanced (and also repressed) as aging occurs. 

[EternalForest]

@Bluebird Sure, but what I'm saying is that not only are they most emotionally volatile, I also think they're most in tune with their emotions, specifically because they haven't yet learned to repress them, and that allows them to more freely feel and express them. There's merit in being emotionally stoic and balanced, but it shouldn't come at the cost of losing the spark I'm referring to. In a sense, one way to put it is that teenagers strike the perfect balance between the childlike sensibilities and adult-like ones.

Edited January 29, 2019 by EternalForest

[Wyze]

@EternalForest  For those who had a lucky childhood and teenage years, finding their identity would be alot easier. Some will forever be stuck in a endless motion.

Some people are good, and have grown alot, they are meant to be the sages and leaders of the "adult" world. But I feel like, its always and normally the person with the lowest emotional maturity that dictates how high up a group functions. "You are only as strong as your weakest link".

I'm glad that we have tools like the internet and YouTube and Leo, to help younger generations to "sort their shit out" earlier.

 

[Leo Gura]

Teens are hardly emotionally developed. The only thing they've got going for them is that they haven't yet been full brainwashed by culture. But that happens very rapidly by the end of the teenage years. As a teenager most of your concerns have to do with fitting into culture and being a good little conformist sheep. So your brainwashing is almost complete. You basically brainwash yourself to avoid feeling like a weird outsider.

[EternalForest]

@Leo Gura Exactly. So in that sense, would the teen years be a sort of "peak" of open mindedness for people within culture, where they're just old enough to know a lot about the world but not too old to have fully conformed? I think that's what I'm getting at here.

I'd like to add though that I think that a superbly well-developed adult easily has more emotional development than the average teen. I'm just saying that the average to above-average teen probably has more natural expression and open mindedness than the average adult, simply because the average adult has had their muse silenced for so long.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, EternalForest said:

@Leo Gura Exactly. So in that sense, would the teen years be a sort of "peak" of open mindedness for people within culture, where they're just old enough to know a lot about the world but not too old to have fully conformed? I think that's what I'm getting at here.

No, I wouldn't say that. You're generalizing way too much here. There is enormous diversity between different teens. You can't speak of teens as one object.

Generally speaking teens are less developed than adults in all categories.

Teens are quite stupid, reckless, and immature. There are some rare exceptions, but even they are still very under-developed. That's just the nature of being human. A human being does not become mature until basically age 25-30. Which is why rental car companies do not rent cars to people under 25.

I would not trust anyone under 30 years of age to be mature. It's really that bad.

And these days kids are getting stupider. They are being indoctrinated by digital media from age 5. So don't think you're safe.

[Shin]

The good old days when the type of shoes you wore determined with whom you were talking to !

We were so free !!

So non-conformism !!!

 

 

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Edited January 29, 2019 by Shin

[Knock]

4 hours ago, EternalForest said:

 There's merit in being emotionally stoic and balanced, but it shouldn't come at the cost of losing the spark I'm referring to. 

Reminds me when you talk to young hippies in their early 20s. They have this naive optimism and carefree nature that can be very attractive. The older hippies seem are still carefree, but are a bit less optimistic and lose some of their 'spark' it seems. 
Sometimes I wish I knew less, and lived off a mindset of good vibes and the LoA instead of the 'rational values' I live by now.

[EternalForest]

@Knock It comes in phases.

For a while, you become hopeless and helpless about the state of things, and you feel as if the more you know the more unhappy you are.

Then, it comes full circle and you learn so much more that you begin to become enamored by the abundance of it all and actually become inspired by what the whole world has to offer, and you begin to realize that the positive far outweighs the negative.

So the solution is actually not to learn less, but rather, more

[Commodent]

My teenage years were an emotional graveyard. I'm 21 and I feel like it's now that I'm starting to get fully in touch with my authentic emotions. Mostly thanks to mindfulness and genuine self-compassion (caused by validating my painful experiences). 

But yeah, Leo is right. You truly have to sacrifice a lot in order to become an "adult" and fit in. Adults are so disconnected, but then again you will notice that many of them find that connection again once they get older. At that point they have had sufficient time to heal their traumas (which we all have). 

[EternalForest]

@Commodent Yes I have noticed that people 65 and older seem to regain the spark again, it comes full circle.