365 Days of Self Esteem Sentence Completion

[Karla]

79/365

I think I need to do lots more scary actions. The aftermath feels a bit messy yet liberating. Just reminds me to live my vision and that is all I really need to do—  looking inside and living it out into the now/ healing the split mindedness.

Feels like it takes me so long to get out of the conditioning.of living safe as a priority when I know that living safe is the last thing i want.

Having to choose bold actions over chilling out taking it easy and day dreaming— I am hoping this starts to feel like a part of me.

Sometimes it helps if I just get up and try to do some things quickly and it actually does feel really good to be productive and think of myself as a person that naturally does all the things efficiently.

Loving reading Leo’s retreat notes and Wisdom of Joseph Campbell atm. 

When I reflect on what it means to use everything I know

Close my eyes fall in love stay there— when I come from here, everyone wins

Anything is possible , mind freedom

I don’t need to worry about what others think, need or want

I can offer the holistic stuff, stand in my knowing and just enjoy

Always think from future vision, from love, with end in mind, as if it is now and just be

I can let go and just be real/ exhale

Must keep doing the scary actions til they run out, i am always safe, supported

 

 

When I take full responsibility for my choices and actions

I can’t zone out and do nothing, I have to stay in knowing all I envision is here and go from there

I make the most of my time now, now is all there is 

I can have my priorities checked off early then read and enjoy

I write early on and get that boundlessnes in my bones and act from there

Stick to my manifesto for inspiration as needed

Change my surroundings when I need to refresh or get moving

No more stalling— or meaningless actions just to be doing something 

 

When I take full responsibility for how I deal with people

I am honest and open and inviting them to be accepted to do the same

I am happy to know about others —preferably in person rather than online

I can connect authentically without needing approval (must drop approval for FOTB)

Know that all are me, I am not separate

It is up to me to hold pure intentions 

Stop lying

I don’t want to do that conference in Raleigh I have to be honest

 

WHen I remain in full mental focus every moment today

THis is still challenging for me

I have to do more meditation why I am avoiding this?

I feel free from mind

I am able to do what is most important and not in busy work

I can keep it real, no drama ahhhhh

Peace

I get to just be a vessel and let flow happen

 

When I am creating from a place customers trust and admire my company

I admire myself first then extend that opportunity to. Others

I see myself as other/ the customer

I am honest, no withholding or manipulating

I offer what is helpful but keep in mind it has to be what I also want to offer

I do what I enjoy and let the joy permeate my creations— all of them

No faking the funk or following someone else’s path

I don’t have to survive— I must remember this

Edited April 27, 2019 by Karla

[Karla]

Fasting tomorrow for clarity... Plus Sundays are easy to fast since I can sleep longer. 

[Karla]

 

[Karla]

Yesterday's reflection video:

Watching part 3 of Leo's Non Duality series...

I feel called to dig into the "alone" concept from the vid released today-- I am having trouble fully grasping that everyone is me.

I kinda get it as a concept but I don't feel it. It feels seperate from what I've experienced.

Why?

Unpacking this...

Edited April 29, 2019 by Karla
Typo

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Karla Great thoughts in your reflection video about human tendency to suppress things. The definition you gave of the Devil. How suppression of shadow elements only makes only them grow stronger. 

One of the things that is really stressed in A Course In Miracles is the human tendency to "dissociate" almost constantly. Just the same thing that you mention.

I would say the number 1 thing in ACIM though is the idea of forgiveness and all it entails.

Theres a part of me that still wants to puke or cringe when I bring up ACIM. I had such a strong prejudice about it for years.

• The Name - A Course in Miracles - It sounds so new agey,,,,   Puke
• Based on Christianity  - Everyone thinks of church and feeling guilty. Being a square and having no fun.,,,,    puke puke
• The text was channeled from Jesus - Good God, How ridiculous and naive  I must sound,,,, More Puke

 

Yet the text has been so meaningful for me, I quote and refer to the book anyway. ??

[Karla]

1 hour ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

1 hour ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

@Karla Great thoughts in your reflection video about human tendency to suppress things. The definition you gave of the Devil. How suppression of shadow elements only makes only them grow stronger. 

One of the things that is really stressed in A Course In Miracles is the human tendency to "dissociate" almost constantly. Just the same thing that you mention.

I would say the number 1 thing in ACIM though is the idea of forgiveness and all it entails.

Theres a part of me that still wants to puke or cringe when I bring up ACIM. I had such a strong prejudice about it for years.

• The Name - A Course in Miracles - It sounds so new agey,,,,   Puke
• Based on Christianity  - Everyone thinks of church and feeling guilty. Being a square and having no fun.,,,,    puke puke
• The text was channeled from Jesus - Good God, How ridiculous and naive  I must sound,,,, More Puke

 

Yet the text has been so meaningful for me, I quote and refer to the book anyway. ??

@Zigzag Idiot oops— Soo, I love ACIM ha ha. It’s been ages since I read it and I used to get the daily lessons in my inbox. 

Sooo good he he. I sometimes over look sappy stuff and just soak up the deep stuff. I might need to re-visit it!!

[Karla]

80/365

Sentence Completions:

 

When I reflect on what it means to take responsibility for my choices and actions

I can’t blindly do wasteful activities

I choose what’s most rewarding for me me me he he

I am honest and feel on purpose 

I don’t need to make excuses

I don’t have to beat myself up later

I feel productive and disciplined

I don’t waste time and I eat better he he

 

Reflecting on what it means to take responsibility for how I deal with people

I see their best and not distracted by what annoys me

I can respond honestly not from frustration

I see myself in them

I allow them to be who they are and I am also just me

I share with them without thinking they don’t understand

I seek to understand them

 

When I bring a higher level of awareness to my social anxieties

I do more things alone and not needing to be with others

I can be a stronger speaker and communicator

I sink into the moment with an exhale

I am alway who I be

I stop worrying about what others might not like

I stop saying yes when I really wanna say hellll no

My social anxieties diminish

 

If I reflect on what I would do if I remained in ful mental focus at work today—

I would get a shit ton of stuff done

I would stay in the energy of my vision, freedom

I would skip petty distractions

I can get my closet organized

I do the scary items... I need to make a list

I Day dream less and can be in the moment

I know sanity— beliefless-ness’

 

If I were to do my job absolutely without fear

I could stop trying to be something acceptable

I am able to say the craziest things without concern... hmm if everyone is me

I can live my highest expression 

Unapologetic with it

Have fun living my life mannnn

Do the things that are the most fun all the time 

I get to just be in love love love

 

Feeling a tad mechanical with these today but it’s done eeek.

 

The Reflection for Day 80

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by Karla
Added the video

[Karla]

81/365

Reflection.... What is going on within is going on without because they are one. There is no separation, all walls are illusion.

The world can create me or I can create the world.

 

When I reflect on what it means to take responsibility for my choices and actions

I feel empowered

I am always the leader in this life experience

I can choose my response and not be a reactor

I am always in meditation mode within... with that breath 

I can choose to take back the reigns in any moment and not be afraid to just be

I expand my responbsibility and self expression daily even when it seems hard

I need that go love yourself shirt ggahhhhh

Act and take responsibility in alignment with my highest expression in crystal clarity 

 

Reflecting on what it means to take responsibility for how I deal with people

Others Are myself pushed out

Everything is my expression

Knowing that I can love myself through other and get real too

Maximizing every opportunity to be who I am and that’s it

I can go deeper and that’s cool

I can show love and not be scarred they can’t handle it

I am not a reactor but I can act he he— i play my highest part

 

When I bring a higher level of awareness to my social anxieties

I stay open to when I am retracting 

Pay attention to when I want to say no and how it feels on the tip of my tongue then let it slide on out

I can share like I do my ocd on that sticky floor eek

I am not alonE or perfect but I am alone and perfect

I accept them and accept myself as well

I don’t have to hide or be judgey about them

I can expand you know... infinitely like the Universe

 

If I reflect on what I would do if I remained in ful mental focus at work today—

I can stop over caring

I can pull myself out of stupid conversations before brain cells start evaporating

I can be nicety— nice and nasty for the most fun inside jokes

I dont have to pretend to care about work politics

I am nothing

I am out of my mind

 

If I were to do my job absolutely without fear

I would have a fucking blast all day every day

I am doing my work without fear fuck it— sans fear is authenticity

If self is other, this is no big deal and the universe is me yay

Wonder why I ever thought I could really live a life of fear

Fear is the opposite of authentic— I just can’t do the fearful life anymore

I would say what ever I wanted when ever I wanted

[Karla]

Perhaps...

If we were never broken-- we would never know to seek wholeness.

If nobody ever died-- We'd never know there was such a thing as to be alive.

Without decades of oppression maybe mom's soul food would not have oh sooo much flavor--

Perhaps.

Perhaps a myth wouldn't be a decent myth without a plot twist.

I do know this is my way to love the rich texture that life constantly shows me all of it's beauty-- when my heart is smashed AND when it is full.

To wall off our deepest hurt is to wall out our sweetest joy-- is to hide ourselves from ourselves.

As always this stuff makes me think of The Shape of Water... Lurve that movie?

[Karla]

Yesterday's reflection

 

[Karla]

83/365

Today is really day 1/30 scary actions because I was slacking on that and sentnce completion felt stale.

So I did a scary thing... It wasn't that scary though after I was doing it. Hate/ love that. I will shoot for 3 scary things tomorrow.

I think I spend too much time trying to first decide who I should be for "this group" thennnn doing a video, a project a talk but I want to come from a sole/ soul (he he) single place of authenticity.

For example, I am scurred to talk about certain topics (like the topic I did a video on tonight) with my fitness channel and my fitness clients.

Ultimately this is an energy drain-- too many masks, too much trying and too much watering down.

[Zigzag Idiot]

4 minutes ago, Karla said:

think I spend too much time trying to first decide who I should be for "this group" thennnn doing a video, a project a talk but I want to come from a sole/ soul (he he) single place of authenticity.

If one's false personalities are a multiplicity as Charles Tart says and one's true nature is myriad minded as Jean Houston suggests then coming from a sole place of authenticity may be more complex than it sounds. Indeed it would need to be a soul place,,,,

I'm watching you trying to make the decision,,,, and see some of what you are saying. Whatever you decide will be a good decision because youve demonstrated well that know how to think for yourself. I enjoy your energy. ?

[Karla]

@Zigzag Idiot Hey thanks for your input. You are very wise but you always quote people. You know all the things.

Funny thing though-- that Charles Tart article you sent me came to mind after I entered my journal for today.

To sum up my journal, I feel like I could censor less. For me this is a big deal because I actually believe non-expression drives people crazy/hell/inner torture.

Edited May 2, 2019 by Karla
Typo

[Karla]

Yesterday's reflection on outwitting the devil andddd the audio book with text ? by Napoleon Hill is also linked.

 

Sooo HILARIOUS like ha ha but also in a laugh so I don't cry kinda way. So much of it is real AF. 

I feel like YouTube suggested this because of my other definition of the devil video he he.

[Karla]

2/30

Been reading/ listening and this book is the shiznit. So good he he and entertaing... And weird AF. Lol.

It's like Conversations with God in a twisted way. 

Sooo my scary things weren't that scary again. Gonna have to aim higher duh lol. 

Had a really fun talk in my friend's group for black women and vot to use that quote: "I met God, she's black" my expression was a zillion times more organized than when I did a video on it.

Because doing it ugly helps to do it well every single tiiiiime. Imperfect expression always work for me and helps me grow. 

I need to just practice practice practice as well though... Hmmm. 

 

[Karla]

day 3/30

I am realizing this isn't so scary... Mainly uncimfortable but perhaps some higher actions might more "scary"

This week my main goal is to apply for speaking gigs and send my blogs to my ideal publications as some way higher goals he he.

https://youtu.be/Wzk839xXbgU

[Karla]

4/30

so much long drawn out discussion about the word soul yesterday with my friends.

Not going to lie, I feel like this was de ja vu from when I first started Fit Outside The Box. I was so scurred to talk about anything "soul" because I thought the religous ppl would come for me but I'm so over it.

 

[Karla]

Insight after listening to my fave Neville atm. Quoted & stuck in my brain (the lord give the & taketh away).

The same fear that suppresses our natural and authentic expression is the same fear that takes life on a larger scale— slavery = scarcity mentality and greed/ gluttony is fear that someone else will have more than you. 

The same fear that not being enough needs to hide is the same fear that one has to boast and pretend to “be more” because one is afraid he is less than.

Fear is prison, love is freedom— self love is love of truth and love of all that is truth which is everything then there are shadows because without shadow we couldn’t see light/truth.

Two sides of a coin.

Hatred is fear— fear that the opposite will overcome light, that dark will overcome light.

God is both. The alpha & the omega (always wondered how that was possible but it’s a circle)

Higher self is already who we are sans hiding/ego/fear.

Edited May 6, 2019 by Karla
One more quote