365 Days of Self Esteem Sentence Completion

[Leo Gura]

@Karla Great journal. Keep going!

[herghly]

wow this is golden. I am on week 14. The benefits are amazing

[Karla]

20/365 Sentence Completion Re-Activateddd

So, I kinda fell off. I am 90% moved into my new place though yay. I love it so far but I need to get everything situated, it's bananas up in here.

Back the fuck on my sentence completion too yayy.

Read some good articles today!

One on depression and life purpose.

Sooo good. http://theconversation.com/smiling-depression-its-possible-to-be-depressed-while-appearing-happy-heres-why-thats-particularly-dangerous-110928

I feel like Leo eludes to a very similar point (if not the same) in the video today tooo. 

Sooo good.

Oh and one more goodie... On my way to class I saw the birds making some really cool patterns in the sky... As the sun was setting and I just felt so fortunate to see them playing their play and enjoying their wings.

Gorgeous.

[Karla]

@Leo Gura yay! Hey thanks. Just as fall off and get bk on ha ha.

@herghly are you keeping a journal?? You can tag me...

The benefits are crazy amazing he he.

[Karla]

21/365

It's Rumi Tuesday and I found a perfect Rumi quote for that doubt that is normal life.

Sooo I realized today how much my mom lives in fear and how easy it's passed on as a way of life. As soon as she is done worrying and the coast is clear, about one thing-- she finds another.

How are some people able to be still kinda healthy in a very fearful life? While others are just worn down into illness.

She is so different from me and my sister with what she deems important that sometimes it's hard to talk about anything for real, for real.

I also felt like something was missing tonight after I did the video.

I think I know what it is but I'll have to free write it out to get clear.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

The divide between fear and love which involves having purpose vs. doubt/fear you describe reminds me of the divide between 1st and 2nd tier in Spiral Dynamics. 

"The transition from the First Tier of Consciousness to the Yellow level of the 

Second Tier is a “momentous leap” according to Clare Graves (1974, 2005), when 

the individual realizes that equally distributing resources among all people and 

expecting that all humans are equally good and loving creates more problems 

than it solves."

From: http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html

[Karla]

Hey @Zigzag Idiot! Cool share as usual. Interesting to see enneagram in there too. Hmmm more spiral awareness might help me with my self esteem/ consciousness work. 

In order to step back to see the forest and take things less personally more often lol.

Appreciated?. Always your input is good stuff.

[Karla]

Day 22/365

Today my toastmasters meeting and talk got moved til next Wednesday.

I have a John Maxwell meeting tomorrow so,

I'll revamp the talk, utilize a john maxwell learning concept and do it then.

Kinda want to ditch those meetings. So bored sometimes... Need to find a good balance for my speaking/ learning projects.

I dug into my hesitation around yesterdays reflection andddd I think I just haven't fully jumped the broom yet.

Letting myself express without a plan tonight felt more aligned ahhh ha ha.

It's taken me so long to be okay with not being polished in allllll the things even though I love when other people are kinda unpolished he he.

Gotta have a little awkward allowance or fugliness or flowy flow (????), hot messiness to feel expressed sometimes.

Feels like yogaa. Like non-judgement in real life. 

 

Edited February 21, 2019 by Karla
Nexr week not tomorrow

[Karla]

23/365

This morning's sentence completion was super clarifying for me.

However... I was not honest with the speaker meeting host. I was all, "e-mail me" to catch up but I am going to bail.

I don't think its the best fit for me-- she and the group is kinda unorganized in a way that feels annoying and I am not really down with collaborating at all with her.

I am not the best collaborator because I gotta just do my own thing right now.

If It's not aligned, I decline lol-- I have had this lil saying on repeat in the back of my mind lately.

I have gotten some value from the John Maxwell stuff-- primarily how it matches up with the toastmasters, lisa nichols and communication skills in general.

Nothing ground breaking but definitely some good little nuggets like the one I practiced in today's speech.

Each meeting we choose a former lesson to embody and exemplify. I chose clarity here-- in other words, driving ONE main point home with a story or evidence with one main take away.

They gave me good feedback which is nice but I also get that in toastmasters.

Leaving out unneccesary shit (in your speech and in life) makes your message super clear.

Here's the talk I did...

 

Side note:: free writing (self inquiry style or Natjaniel B style), taking action and thoughtful reflection help me a lot with clarity.

I feel super clear and awake today.

[Karla]

So good he he

 

[Karla]

24/365!!

Yayy.

So many good insights today, just made a video... Still flushing it out here.

Yesterday, I saw am old video from last year and I realized that it was a well done video... For real.

I felt awful because I had this feeling that I've been going in circles.

Literally stomach aching feeling like I've been spinning tires and holding myself bk-- sooo I journaled out about it.

Q. Why am I holding myself back? What am I missing/ failing to notice?

A. That I am still telling myself that I am not there yet. Putting BEING on hold til I "get there".

I have a history of falling into this trap when I KNOW there is only now... It can never be later: when I get better at things, later I will be ready or confident.

Ugh.

Then today I had a big realization that-- in joy in my self, enjoying myself-- authentically, no matter what is going on--is huge... That it would be superior to even gratitude or almost any advice.

Yet it's unbelievable in looking around that it could be as simple as internal pleasure no matter what is going on externally.

Pleasure is life but there would be no pleasure without the seeming contrast of pain.

To shield yourself from pain is to simultaneously cock block yourself from pleasure.

Again *in joy in myself* is still the ultimate goal

--without the neediness for externals, instead *enjoying myself* goes along with the freedom to explore externals for the experience.

I may come bk to include the video later...

 

Edited February 24, 2019 by Karla
I added the video

[Karla]

MORE on “enjoying myself” aka. In joy in myself/ Host to God or Hostage to Ego 

 

My body is spirit, and spirit is perfect, therefore my body is perfect also 

I am confident, I am serene, I am sure 

**No matter what obstacle or undesirable circumstance crosses my path, I refuse to accept it  [I feel like this means refuse to ACCEPT it as truth}

For it is nothing but illusion.

There can be no obstacle or undesirable circumstance to the mind of god

which is in me around me and serves me now.

Moby Dick— is REALLY a story about a man trying to find his higher self **fairytale clue, as I believe all fairytales are this including the Bible of course**

“For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man, lies one insular Tahiti full of peace and joy but encompassed by all of the horrors of the half lived life.“

-Moby Dick (?? Not sure but it’s in the video and loooove this.)

In every moment of your life you have this is the choice: You can either be a host to God or a hostage to your Ego.

 

LOVE LOVE these pieces stolen from a Wayne Dyer video andddd I thought of it as I was free writing on my insight yesterday:

In Joy In Myself as a way of life and a way to embody knowledge of *I am* as I allow FULL realization and the knowing of *I am* saturates my entire beingness/being.

This would trump my self esteem research, however it continues. I actually love doing it even when it’s very uncomfortable to not stay the same. I can’t stomach living the same year over and over as I noticed from watching an old video that was just as good as my current talks if not better. I must evolve.

Here is the video. It’s short and sweet and amazing.

Today I feel so very grateful for Leo’s work and that he chose to make some videos instead of going to live in a cave or mansion lol.

I believe everyone has the power to massively impact lives in a powerful way... but their very own way. 

If we can follow our inner knowing/ God vs. being a hostage to Ego. We learn to be a hostage to Ego. We can also unlearn this and listen to Truth.

Not easy but this is to live. Leo’s work has really helped me to live more as myself and be okay with sacrificing attachments.

[Karla]

25/365

I swear I posted day 25 already, strange... 

Anyways, here it goes again— I finally got a vid out on the body-mind-soul aligned path to unfolding full potential. Felt good, my self esteem research is kicking in ayeeeee.

So I am doing a little plan for the week. Today is unfold your myth Monday and I am doing/deconstructing a fairytale kinda looking forward.

Everything is consciousness, that’s why consciousness work WORKS— health, wealth, relationships, career, LIFE is consciousness. 

Dis-ease comes from unconsciousness— even at a basic level not being conscious of your our body allows dis-ease to creep in without our noticing the signs. Of course I don’t have this all figured out and this is a somewhat simplistic view but it’s true on a deep level.

Dis-ease causes us to pay attention to areas of the body, our life —where we were once unaware of. Obviously, I am a bit obsessed because of my twin sister’s illness and how it seemed to come out of nowhere (ultimately everything does he he) however, there were warning signs that just seemed soooo normal. Mental illness is the norm though.

Here is my journal vlog from last night. 

 

[Karla]

26/365

I had a half assed my sentence completion today... But it felt like it flowed. The plan is to sprinkle more sentence structures in tomorrow more focused on consciousness from the Art of Living Consciously.

I did my video for Myth Monday and it was fun but it felt odd like who cares he he. It’s good to practice more speaking lessons next time for sure....

I think it’s partially being more comfy on camera... or more consciousness work probably. And grounding.

The vid is today’s journal Because.... laziness. 

 

[Karla]

This was perfect listening for today... Useful before going on lives, videos and talks.

 

[Karla]

27/365

It's day 46/365 on my YouTube.

Today I was realizing that I wanted to feel more profesh on my videos he he.

So that's something to play with on that channel as well as evolving/ surrendering more into being true to what's revealed in my sentence completion.

Time is flying by gosh... I want to do a 30 days of journaling in review (even though I missed a couple days) next week and make a leap forward and decide what needs to be the focus for the next 30 days.

Tomorrow I have a talk and a meeting with someone I contract for... My increased self esteem will be tested he he.

 

[Karla]

28/365

Just did a video and as I sat here realized that to live your purpose and complete your myth IS to come full circle.

It is this quote:

"Never cease from exploration. At the end of all your exploring. We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."

-T.S. Elliott

He he. Myths and hero's journeys always lead back to the home town or something. 

As well as our characteristics that seem to become whole and balanced out.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 2/25/2019 at 8:51 PM, Karla said:

26/365

I had a half assed my sentence completion today... But it felt like it flowed. The plan is to sprinkle more sentence structures in tomorrow more focused on consciousness from the Art of Living Consciously.

I did my video for Myth Monday and it was fun but it felt odd like who cares he he. It’s good to practice more speaking lessons next time for sure....

I think it’s partially being more comfy on camera... or more consciousness work probably. And grounding.

The vid is today’s journal Because.... laziness. 

 

I had to share a synchronicity about this video. I've been hearing Crickets continuously for over a year. I'm going to try and post the bookmark to the forum post that I made not long ago. 

I'm having trouble copying the bookmark. This is the content of my post anyway.

Paranormal expiences  
Share Here Your Paranormal Experiences

Over a year ago I began hearing a chorus of crickets. I hear it nearly all of the time and it fiuctuates in intensity. I wrote it off as maybe some form of tinnitus . 
While in a online reading for Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson this past fall, I was researching the Gurdjieffian word/phrase  Nironossion World sound when I ran into the following website about the activation of the Alta Major chakra.  References heavily, A 
the sound of crickets. My intuition is better but there is nothing so far as dramatic phenomenon. 
 

http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

[Karla]

@Zigzag Idiot fascinating.

I want to do this fairytale again at some point because I knew that there were some nuances to dig into a lot more-- including Gimeny CRICKET.

Your conscience perhaps.... I like to also think of stories like this as truly symbolizing the whole person.

All of the characters are one just like in the hero's journey.

I will check out the article!

[Zigzag Idiot]

2 hours ago, Karla said:

Your conscience perhaps....

I think maybe so and specifically it's connection to intuition and the sixth chakra, perhaps.,,,?

I feel a little guilty for taking what is a synchronicity for me and possibly being a distraction to you in your busy life. One thing I haven't mentioned was having an experience of 'inner seeing' in Centering Prayer about a month or so before I started hearing this cricket sound.  This all happened a little over a year ago around Christmas. This inner seeing experience was actually kind of devastating on a personal level. In other words, it's was not a pleasant experience but because of it, I can say there was an increase in my overall experience of awareness. There are other subtle factors which makes this something of a whole new category of experience for me. I know it sounds weird. It is weird! Actually hearing a chorus of crickets fluctuating in intensity nearly all the time and when it's 20 degrees outside and then the synchronous revelation of it just a few weeks before I found Actualize.org,,,, it's just been a strange experience. This on top of some of the woo woo-ness included in that website. Just putting some of this into writing is probably helping to me in further integrating this experience. I appreciate being given the space to do this.