365 Days of Self Esteem Sentence Completion

[Zigzag Idiot]

I was about to reply to you on my journal. I'm in a lot better shape today, thanks  ? 

Its funny Leo's video had a similar effect on us.,,, 

Its good to hear you sailed through the turmoil earlier and the day ended up good.

"Antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness"  reminds me of Joseph Chilton Pierce writing in his book Biology of Transcendance about his states called "unconflicted behavior". In these states, he did some things back as a young adult in the 1950's that would make Wim Hof shake his head,,,,

[Karla]

@Zigzag Idiot I was also thinking that!!! I think Leo tries to ruffle our feathers a bit— 

I thought that was interesting as well. I’m sure there may be others ha ha.

I checked out that guy fascinating— looks like you’ve done your research on the “altered states of consciousness” topic.

LOL, I can’t imagine Wim Hof shaking his head at anything!

 

[Karla]

I had a come to jesus with my coach. 

This is me lol. Today practicing more awareness/ mindfulness-- I feel groggy because detoxing does that.

Happy to be doing the uncomfy things now.

[Karla]

Day 9/365

I had to revisit that 6 Pillars book to clarify my reflection part for the end of the day. The book is so super good, I nabbed a couple quotes I never noticed before.

I actually didn't finish my morning sentence completion. No good reason either.?

I could be more vulnerable on these... Going to start practicing my talk on it too...

 

[Karla]

10/365

Just posting my reflections today... I like to write them but typing feels faster so trying that out here. 

WHen I reflect on how I would feel living consciously I realize how simple life is/can be.

WHen I reflect on how I would feel living consciously I could ignore Angela’s call without feeling guilty even though she would’ve seen me not answering

When I reflect on how I would feel living consciously I would be a lot less exhausted

WHen I reflect on how I would feel living consciously I would try less and be more

When I reflect on how I would feel living consciously I would be nicer to my mom 

WHen I reflect on how I would feel living consciously I would focus on focusing 

 

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my activities, I woul have less drama about doing reports and other non-fun work

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my activities I communicate better 

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my activities I get more done 

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my activities I had a hard time today because I was groggy

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my activities I can type this in here and not care if this goes or not.. no carrot  

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my activities I can play the game— have fun 

WHen I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my activities I can relax like all day savasana

 

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my relationships/ interactions I started off good but uhhh then not so great

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my relationships/interactions, I do feel more relaxed 

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my relationships/interactions I can see where I have so much control over my communication and reactions

WHen I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my relationships/interactions I am not as annoyed 

When I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my relationships I can be chilled out mode in my bubble

WHen I reflect on what happens when I am bringing 5% more awareness to my relationships I am more comfy in my body

 

Not sure if I will post my video.. earlier I had a mini freak out because some of them are so bad. In my mind I thought of some people that I might be embarrassed if they saw any of them lol... Half way kinda care about that possibility even though I  know it’s small potatoes. Ugh.

Edited February 7, 2019 by Karla

[Karla]

11/365

Today was kinda yummm.

"Once you spot your flower you can't let anything get in your way."

-Adaptation (such a good movie)

I am working on my talk- draft one done. It just needs more life and the other 2/3. He he.

In my video I say day 25 bc I started earlier on video but uhhh yea it's day 11 on this journal...

Basically the vid does my reflection.

 

[Karla]

Boom! Day 12/365

Besides my big cheek pimple, things are rolling along well.

Keeping it realer in my sentemce completion and overall self esteem increase is good.

I feel especially at home saying somewhat difficult things lol which is great. Let the all day savasana continue he he. 

I have a lot going on tomorrow, so maybe some more interesting shares for the next journal on day 13/365 on here.

Ma video is below...

I will say I am very drawn to exploding up my public speaking skills along side writing. 

I think my speaking career will be a lot like my teaching journey because being online all the time is a blower. Leading with speaking and using some social media to enhance the path... Is cool.

Edited February 9, 2019 by Karla

[Karla]

Day 12/365

Todayyyy I had some good ahas. I feel so grateful to be on the awakening journey, even though I fall off at times.

I started reading some of the book “The Psychology of Man’s Possible Evolution” again and I felt grateful for that too.

Obviously, there were some really good commonalities in that book and in the book, 6 Pillars of Self Esteem, that contain the sentence completion structures that I am working on for this journal. I can see so clearly how self esteem is rooted in the acknowledgement of truth.

So gratifying to read some deep truths that nobody ever talks about. At the same time a bit disheartening that I didn’t find out about them and actualized.org sooner. 

Lots of gratitude for being able to access this now.

Thennnn at dinner, I was talking to my friend and he seemed to beat me to the punch in stating that everyone is insane— even though he probably has a different layer of experiencing this now that I think about it.

We got to talking about my sister, and how her schizophrenia is a bit similar to dementia. I speak more freely about it since doing the work and I even considered mentioning a tidbit in my signature talk. I know that at some point it needs to be a big piece in my talks but I feel the need to baby step it for now.

He didn’t really say anything when I told him that everyone has delusions... and how we never talk about these things. Delusions unchecked is self destruction.

I just feel like schizophrenia, mental illness and most physical illnesses are preventable if more people could access the books and the talks that I am so grateful for but it’s just over looked in this way that is super annoying for me.

My vid was super rambly because I think I drank coffee too late and welllll hot mess express.

 

[Karla]

Day 13/365

Earlier I was wondering about how little we use our brain and how much it relates to the cognitive distortion and discontinuity of consciousness.

Ooouuu— so glad to see this juicy little tid bit here I found in an article on the brain:

“Ultimately, it's not that we use 10 percent of our brains, merely that we only understand about 10 percent of how it functions.”

Boom.

We probably DO use less than 10% lol... nobody knows. How much would we use a bike that we only know 10% how it works lol. So gratifying when people just keep it real. He he. 

Mysterious and interesting AF.

I was so curious about how much of our brains we really use and how related that is to our low level of consciousness... It’s just so normal to operate way below our potential that we don’t even really know just how far off we are.  We haven’t the foggiest idea what is possible for humans, yet we stay labeling stuff so we can comfortably turn the other cheek. Crazy pants.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/do-people-only-use-10-percent-of-their-brains/

I mention this at the very end of my video... coming... if I remember to edit and add it. Taking long to upload for some reason.

Tomorrow I am doing a 30 day recap so I may do something different. 

I want my vids to be more fun.

Edited February 11, 2019 by Karla

[Karla]

Side note: I am noticing how super annoyed I feel when I get lame advice from others.

Journaling on that this morning and digging into more living consciously.

That should have been the title of this journal.

Consciousness dictates self esteem-- this has been drilled in each day BECAUSE of sentence completion.

Living consciously to me means... Living more deeply connected & of needing nothing.

[Zigzag Idiot]

1 hour ago, Karla said:

 

Side note: I am noticing how super annoyed I feel when I get lame advice from others.

 

I relate to this and a lot of what you said in your video. People can really project some crazy stuff or half awake ideas that don't make any sense or they are blind to how they tip their hand in showing a kind of hidden agenda and it can be frustrating. Though every now and then I catch myself projecting or totally missing the point in a conversation and saying something stupid or completely non-sequitur. In the Fourth Way, the term 'inner considering' is something that really applies. It's when the neurotic wheels start turning and self doubt starts to erode everything in a kind of downward spiral,,,, it's so universal in applying to everyone but is another one of those things that doesn't really get talked about much. I've noticed with myself when I've tried communicating about 'inner considering', a lot of times it just makes it WORSE! Lol ?  It seems to really trigger that feeling of being misunderstood. 

Your brave for doing your videos in that your willing to be much more vulnerable than most of us who are just writing a Journal and I admire you for that. You really seem up to the task. Hang in there and don't let the 'crazies' drive you into doubt and 'inner considering'. You're doing great! ?

 

[Karla]

@Zigzag Idiot It is nice to be understood!! Ha ha but I am practicing letting go of that. I think that’s why one of your posts on that really spoke to me!

I feel like I go in a bit of a circle of seeking, realizing that it’s just me I am looking for then doing it all over again.

I am a bit obsessed with vulnerability even if it looks quite weak to most people. He he.

[Karla]

Day 14/365

A fool who persists in his folly shall become wise.

-William Blake

I love that very simple concepts contain so much wisdom ?

Anddd that we can't mess up. He he.

I did my talking vid on my other channel and felt more natural.

I know at some point I will wonder why I ever made a big deal of anything-- mainly speaking on the fitness channel.

This vid was fun though...

I am realizing that I am making it about me more than I want when I do vids for both channels he he.

There is a really good Mohammed Ali quote I wanna use tomorrow...

Something about the pebble in our shoe not the mountain that wears us down. 

So good!

Edited February 12, 2019 by Karla
Forgot to credit William Blake wuth the quote

[Karla]

15/365

Woke up to a new actualized.org video. 

My day kinda was crappy though after i talked to my boss.

I documented on video... I could say more but I am falling asleep again.

Free writing in the morning if I can stay asleep... 

 

[Karla]

16/365

Doin the damn thing. Today's consciousness completion was bomb ha ha.

Sleep typing again sooo... Must... Sleep... Here is the video

 

[Karla]

17/365

Oops forgot to post my journal. 

My vid didn't post lol.

Sooo yesterday I went to toastmasters and got some feedback on my speech so that was cool.

Honestly slacked on sentence completion twice this week... Completing that now and some journaling because mannn--

I wanna dig into my own holding back. It feels like a switch into defense when the rebellion I always write about is pure funn.

I may come bk to post that vid.

[Karla]

18/365

I kinda missed yesterday but it was yesterday some where when it actually posted lol.

Today was kind of a blower for a few reasons but I can't dig in right now because I am not reasy to be THAT conscious around it yet-- mainly the health fair.

Everything else was kinda good.

I got my keys to the new apartment, yay.

I felt kinda exhausted from spending the day doing lots of shallow networking with people who were not very interesting.

? aw man... 

I really feel like 99% of people are mentally ill so everyone just walks around being really bland as an attempt to conceal it he he he.

That kinda sounds like a horror movie he he.

I can't say I am exempt, howeverrrrr I just happen to notice it. 

Anyways, I did a videoooooo. I feel like it kinda went awry though.

In the video, I share some insights on a really good quote I stole from someone's toastmasters talk on body language yesterday night.

It was kinda good but she should've injected some more insights, ahas or personal experience-- it was kinda dry and then like read straight from her cards.

I cannot get down with speeches like this. No emotion but kinda good content had me torn between taking notes and taking a nap! 

Here's the quote:

Konstantin Stanislavski Quote: “The language of the body is the key that can unlock the soul. ”

So. Freakin. Good.?

This quote deserved a little bit more digging into...

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

33 minutes ago, Karla said:

Konstantin Stanislavski Quote: “The language of the body is the key that can unlock the soul. ”

Reminds me of a saying of Red Hawk's - "A relaxed body is an honest body". This is in regards to Self Inquiry and the practice of putting attention on sensations in the body to help maintain a non-reactive (non-violent) witnessing awareness. Relaxed with whole body awareness and inner quiet vs being "stuck in one's head" with neurotic, uncontrolled, discursive thoughts.

[Karla]

@Zigzag Idiot I like that-- honest body-- yesss. You have all the resources. You know I will have to check out this Red Hawk person he he.

[Karla]

19/365

Fuck. I am kinda bored with my journal lol. I fell of my sentence completion and I am super excited to be moving.

Contemplating some other changes to do a full on pattern interuption... And pseudo reinvent myself. All the things.

This has worked in the past here and there and I am over due.

Today was weird-- I was journaling a bunch when I should've been packing the rest of my kitchen stuff up.

I have soo many ideas on days like today that I feel overwhelmed. Ugh.

Tomorrow I will try to do some grounding. And just get back to some aligned clarity.