stage 4 of the ox herding pictures

[Aakash]

i'm on stage 4 of the ox herding pictures and its a bitch, i'm not even sure if i want to continue this anymore to be honest. i finally got a glimpse at what awareness is a couple of times (4 to be precise) and it got away everytime, couldn't keep it for more than 10-15 seconds. then this bitch, fucked me because i'm giving out pride vibes, why you might ask? because its the next best thing for my devlish ego to do because it can't discipline and focus myself to see the whole ox again. especially a quite mind because i have so many ignorant things still to get rid off! any advice? 

Edited January 28, 2019 by Aakash

[Nahm]

It can’t see the ox. Practices?

Make nonresistant thinking your best friend. 

[Aakash]

sorry i didn't mean see the ox, i meant be the ox- but for the reference of the 10 pictures i said see the whole ox (front and back), hmm i can't really self inquire anymore, nor do neti - neti, they get me up to awareness and but i can't maintain it. i read that i have to meditate to focus on it more, which would you recommend- no mind meditation (plus i don't even know how to meditate)! my motivation is so low at the moment 

[Nahm]

I feel ya man. Awareness of / willingness of attention on - resistant thinking. For a few minutes forget about meditation & practices, just surrender / forget all of it - close your eyes, breathe big and deep from your stomach, and recognize the thoughts which do not feel good and are not beneficial. Resistant thought & body tension are a unison, so send the let go signal from crown to toes over and over. Send the signal to each muscle until you feel the muscle release. After some time, you should have an awareness that the thoughts which are troubling you have left with the tension. Likewise, in your day, you will become more aware that you observe someone or some situation (could even just be a resistant thought) and you’ll notice a little tension comes back in the body. This ‘cycel’ of resistant thought, awareness of it , and releasing body tension, has to repeat. As it does, awareness “increases”. 

[cetus]

20 minutes ago, Aakash said:

then this bitch, fucked me because i'm giving out pride vibes,

@Aakash Do you notice seeing the ox only happens in your absence? That bitch that fucked you is truth and it has it's safegards. Think of it more as a bouncer that threw the ego out on it's proud ass.

[Nahm]

@cetus56 ha! Yes! 

[Aakash]

@Nahm exactly and i know that the resistant thinking is wrong, so it makes relaxing difficult because i feel like i have to do something. i think i'll start with @cetus56 advice and realise that it happens in abscence because that was the place i was trying to get to. i just didn't know how to get there on command... just know that i have to be the ox. and even then i'm doing resistant thinking and being like 

"no i'm still thinking, this is not the ox"

"no i'm still not the ox, theres no words coming through thought, but i haven't let go of what i think awareness is as a human, this is not pure awarness" 

the whole works and thats why its only been 4 times 

so thanks nahm, i realise now i was looking for a practice to relax and completely lose myself as you suggested in the absence is where i was trying to get. 

[Aakash]

@cetus56  this ego still hasn't learnt its lesson yet! i actually think this is going to take me 10 years to do; to get past stages 4 and 5 "taming the ox". and then 6 riding the ox 

[Nahm]

@Aakash

Yes, great! The resistant thinking is not wrong - that is resistant thinking! You are exactly, perfectly, precisely “where” you should be! This seeking and knowing is a wonderful experience, the best! Can you acknowledge it is not easy, it wil take time, it will likely entail practices which are new to you and initially difficult - BUT - what else ya got to do? ........ do that too! All is well!

[cetus]

@Aakash That sounds a bit too concrete. Too much of a plan. What does @Nahm have to say about this? You wanna get there but wanting to get there is the very thing that keeps you from it.

[Nahm]

@cetus56 @Aakash Absolutely. It’s a both & neither scenario in a sense. There is a path, and you must take it, and to want “it” is to reinforce there is a you which is separate from this “it” which is wanted. Aakash, I have a specific process / convo I’ve had with quite a few people at this point which has been very helpful. It can be done through pm - if you don’t have distractions around you. Pm me if interested. 

[Aakash]

@cetus56 yeah i'm using sarcasm because i'm upset about how much work there is actually to do! LIKE SO MUCH! as leo would say "man i'm gonna need a bigga boat". 

because i'm already there is what your trying to say like nahm

@Nahm @cetus56 you know what it is really stopping me, its the fact about how much my life will change/ needs to change in order for me to tame it. i know its easy as relaxing but keeping that way in daily life and daily practice, i think i'm scared how things are going to change without my knowing it. 

 

[Nahm]

@Aakash Those changes are awesome. Fear knocks, but only continues knocking if you don’t answer the door. You are hearing the knocking, this is wisdom in and of itself. Now let’s see who’s there!

[tedens]

Yes there is f fear...

 

[Key Elements]

What did it look like? 

Don't forget to work on yourself daily. That counts too. Remain calm. Enjoy the process. Remember, there is only you doing this step by step. The secret is patience.

Sometimes the simplest things in life become the most powerful. An example in my life goes with the saying, "The pen is mighter than the sword." It all started with a pen and notebook. I kept writing in it. It gradually evolved me to write in a foreign language. Then, I became a bilingual teacher. From that moment on, one day, it lead me to realize the 10 ox herding pics. Too profound to put into a few words, but basically, be aware of what you're doing now. Each time you choose a habit/action, it should help you find yourself, not take you away from yourself. I say this because everything is interconnected and counts toward the ultimate.

[Aakash]

@Key Elements i'm not gonna lie, it was really beautiful without any thoughts, i kept looking at trees on my walk home and i noticed alot more intricate details, the trees have no leaves but the branches looked amazing, it was like i entered a new world because the tree wasn't a tree, there was no thought coming into my head saying this is a path, this is a tree, this are some bushes, i couldn't name a thing - it was silence, i never wanted to come out from. but knew it would break sooner or later when i had to think and talk about something to my parents and that very thought (fear) sent me out of it lol. 

i think this has got myself over another barrier in one way, wanting to become enlightened really fast, now i know that this is not possible without loads of work. 

yeah thats my point, i have loads of addictions i realised i need to drop now , i thought i could get away with it for some reason, but now every action counts. i understand what you mean by 

9 minutes ago, Key Elements said:

Each time you choose a habit/action, it should help you find yourself, not take you away from yourself

 

[cetus]

14 minutes ago, Aakash said:

it was really beautiful without any thoughts, i kept looking at trees on my walk home and i noticed alot more intricate details, the trees have no leaves but the branches looked amazing, it was like i entered a new world because the tree wasn't a tree, there was no thought coming into my head saying this is a path, this is a tree, this are some bushes, i couldn't name a thing - it was silence, i never wanted to come out from

Reading this reminded me of something I read about Whitman -

Whitman lived in a state of heightened awareness. To him, the world was a fantastically real, beautiful, and fascinating place. As Bucke writes of him: “His favourite occupation seemed to be strolling or sauntering about outdoors by himself, looking at the grass, the trees, the flowers, the vistas of light, the varying aspects of the sky, and listening to the birds, the crickets, the tree frogs, and all the hundreds of natural sounds. It was evident that these things gave him a pleasure far beyond what they give to ordinary people.”

With this heightened awareness, Whitman sensed the sacred aliveness of the world and the radiance and harmony of a spirit-force pervading every object and creature. The whole world was divine, including his own being and body. As he writes in “Song of Myself”:

Sound familiar?

[Aakash]

@cetus56 ahah sounds like a lovely life to live if you ask me! yes it sounds what i experienced for those couple of sounds 

[Key Elements]

1 hour ago, Aakash said:

@Key Elements

yeah thats my point, i have loads of addictions i realised i need to drop now , i thought i could get away with it for some reason, but now every action counts. i understand what you mean by 

 

So, what simple habit/action are you taking in your life? It could be a new simple habit/action. For example: chopping onions to cook saag paneer, going to the library to check out a book on YouTube, discovering / researching what is a networking / entrepreneural event at a prestigious university and planning to attend the event. Sometimes it's better to do something new and change the habit. Go out of the home to a new place once in a while. Or, make the habit according to your interest.

Meditation and self-inquiry is great but not all the time. Also, not forum all the time. 

[Aakash]

7 minutes ago, Key Elements said:

Also, not forum all the time. 

lol, thank you for your kind words, i will take them onboard my ship. i've still got so much to change, i guess looking ahead- this is the fun part once you know what your looking for. its just fear as nahm said knocking on the door constantly. thanks for the motivation.