Moving forward after my break up

[Spence94]

I have recently broken up with mygirlfriend. We were togrther for 1 and a half years. It was pretty serious, we were deeply in love and had conversations of a future together (kids, home, career etc). It was on the rocks for the past 6 months and the relationship was becoming mentally and emotionally draining and triggering for both of us and was blocking both of our focus on our personal lives while having to consider the other all the time amidst the difficulties. It was kind of a mutual thing, but the she initiated it by telling me she wanted 'a break' but a few weeks later we both felt it was time to just end things all together.

I am pretty crushed, heartache is legit and it was fucking intense the past few weeks and it still is. I still have to see her again to give her stuff back. She keeps going on about being friend but i cant do that shit. i need to move on and the best way i know how to recover is to cut the relationship out and allow the healing to take place without getting sucked back in as i am still emotionally, mentally, physiologically interconnected with this woman. Its tough, really fucking tough, but i am confident that in time i will heal and be able to let go.

Right now i need time to be alone. Talking to other girls or diving into another relationship is not interesting me at the moment. i need to focus on myself, build the relationship with myself again, get back on path and work on the things that infected the relationship.

I have read the other break up posts here but i would love any advice and support. I have also watched leos video and loved it. Despite the idea of never getting back with my ex being really hard to swallow, im struggling with that one...

 

I have realised i can't be in a successfull relationship, nor do i want to be in one until i am a solid whole individual with key parts of life handled. (im still earning a wage, not finanancially independent or fully ln purpose, full of neurosis, lack discipline)

 That said, i still want to meet girls ( when the time is right) and not totally cut them out of my life for years while i work on myself. That said, i really feel i dont want a girlfriend for a fucking while after this one, it is a big distrsction and energy/time drainer。Thats just where i am in life. I am 24 living and living in Asia, excited to embrace new opportunities.

Any advice in this area? moving forward with my own life and with the opposite sex without getting sucked into another dysfunctional relationship?( i dont drink, so getting good at bar pick up is not the advice i want thank you?). I want to have a family one day in a high quality loving relationship, so advice on solid strategies for that would be good.

any other advice on the break up and moving forward in life, with women and future relationships would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Bluebird]

Take a break no problem. Watch closely your relationships to all women, to the feminine as a whole. Watch what comes your way and it will give you an opportunity to continue doing the work and developing by seeing where your residual blocks are.

[Consept]

3 hours ago, Spence94 said:

I have recently broken up with mygirlfriend. We were togrther for 1 and a half years. It was pretty serious, we were deeply in love and had conversations of a future together (kids, home, career etc). It was on the rocks for the past 6 months and the relationship was becoming mentally and emotionally draining and triggering for both of us and was blocking both of our focus on our personal lives while having to consider the other all the time amidst the difficulties. It was kind of a mutual thing, but the she initiated it by telling me she wanted 'a break' but a few weeks later we both felt it was time to just end things all together.

I am pretty crushed, heartache is legit and it was fucking intense the past few weeks and it still is. I still have to see her again to give her stuff back. She keeps going on about being friend but i cant do that shit. i need to move on and the best way i know how to recover is to cut the relationship out and allow the healing to take place without getting sucked back in as i am still emotionally, mentally, physiologically interconnected with this woman. Its tough, really fucking tough, but i am confident that in time i will heal and be able to let go.

Right now i need time to be alone. Talking to other girls or diving into another relationship is not interesting me at the moment. i need to focus on myself, build the relationship with myself again, get back on path and work on the things that infected the relationship.

I have read the other break up posts here but i would love any advice and support. I have also watched leos video and loved it. Despite the idea of never getting back with my ex being really hard to swallow, im struggling with that one...

 

I have realised i can't be in a successfull relationship, nor do i want to be in one until i am a solid whole individual with key parts of life handled. (im still earning a wage, not finanancially independent or fully ln purpose, full of neurosis, lack discipline)

 That said, i still want to meet girls ( when the time is right) and not totally cut them out of my life for years while i work on myself. That said, i really feel i dont want a girlfriend for a fucking while after this one, it is a big distrsction and energy/time drainer。Thats just where i am in life. I am 24 living and living in Asia, excited to embrace new opportunities.

Any advice in this area? moving forward with my own life and with the opposite sex without getting sucked into another dysfunctional relationship?( i dont drink, so getting good at bar pick up is not the advice i want thank you?). I want to have a family one day in a high quality loving relationship, so advice on solid strategies for that would be good.

any other advice on the break up and moving forward in life, with women and future relationships would be greatly appreciated!

 

Hey man, so you've got the right idea, it is about making yourself solid and focusing on yourself for now esp as you're only 24 you have time. Also don't be friends with her at least not initially, that can just lead to yo yoing with her which is pointless. 

I think where everyone kind of goes wrong is that they think they need a relationship to complete them, as if their life's not fulfilled without this, really see that these are beliefs that you have learnt and are embedded in you from society, media etc. For example you stayed with her for 6 months, 33% of your relationship even though you knew it wasn't working, so in that case you thought it was so important to have a relationship that you put your happiness second to that. 

Ideally you should go into a relationship already being happy and not really needing it, not needing someone to fix you, if you go in with this state then it puts let's pressure on the relationship and also on yourself to keep it going, which counter intuitively may make it last longer. Obviously it helps if the other person is that way as well, although that is hard to find. 

Also you don't necessarily have to have a 'girlfriend' you could have girls that you see or a girl that you see doesn't have to be a long term thing yet. Again you're 24 so there's really no rush. Having a friends with benefits situation can work well if you can handle it and teach you a lot about women. But either way I think a breaks a good idea, which I'm gonna do my self, but just to conclude don't revolve your life around women, always put your happiness above everything else, not in a taker, arrogant kinda way but love yourself fully and first way. 

[Juan Cruz Giusto]

13 hours ago, Spence94 said:

I have realised i can't be in a successfull relationship, nor do i want to be in one until i am a solid whole individual with key parts of life handled. (im still earning a wage, not finanancially independent or fully ln purpose, full of neurosis, lack discipline)

Great self-reflection! Now that you are single, it's time to work on yourself and become the man that women desire. As to your heartache, give yourself time. In a couple of weeks or months you are not going to feel bad anymore.

I recommend going out too and meeting other women, you'll learn that there's plenty of fish. And dude, you are 24. You have PLENTY OF TIME, ENJOY THE RIDE.

[Spence94]

@Juan Cruz Giusto @Consept  @Bluebird Thank you to all 3 of you for taking the time to respond, it is really appreciated. After a difficult month I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel. It is time to focus on yours truly again. Thanks again for your individual perspectives that tackled the issue from multiple angles.

 

Peace brothers.