How to over come fear of conflict?

[Wyze]

What are the thinking, belief system etc that one should hold when dealing with conflict?

[Karla]

Honesty. I'm gonna also say, Stephen Covey-- "seek to understand vs. Seek to be understood".

I used to be afraid of conflict like a fake nice/ keep the peace person but conflict isn't necessarily bad. 

Usually being curious to see what is really going on helps a lot. Seeing the root beyond the drama/ emotions of the situation is good if you are self aware enough to see your own emotions and not let them get in the way. 

Some context might be helpful here... If this is way off.

Edited January 28, 2019 by Karla
*let

[RichardY]

Fear of God.

[Wyze]

1 hour ago, Karla said:

I used to be afraid of conflict like a fake nice/ keep the peace person but conflict isn't necessarily bad. 

Usually being curious to see what is really going on helps a lot. Seeing the root beyond the drama/ emotions of the situation is good if you are self aware enough to see your own emotions and not let them get in the way.

@Karla

[Wyze]

Its very helpful. I was wondering how did you get to that thinking style or accept that belief that conflict is interesting and curiosity can help resolve conflict?

I have gotten to the point where I've stepped out of avoiding conflict but I feel like I might have swung to excessive aggression instead. But I know its all rooted in fear of conflict.

[Karla]

1 hour ago, Wyze said:

Its very helpful. I was wondering how did you get to that thinking style or accept that belief that conflict is interesting and curiosity can help resolve conflict?

I have gotten to the point where I've stepped out of avoiding conflict but I feel like I might have swung to excessive aggression instead. But I know its all rooted in fear of conflict.

So honestly curiosity helps with everything. Because it assumes nothing while opening us to possibility. You know what happens when we assume he he.

I think I am naturally curious and probably what led me into personal development/ reading and even finding this YouTube channel.

Test being curious about your aggressiveness. What is there? 

I may have had some aggressiveness at some point-- like always blowing up? 

What if conflict was an opportunity?

[Karla]

Just want to add that children are curious, I think we are all naturally curious growing up and less fearful as well. 

[Wyze]

@Karla I agree curiosity is very helpful and school basically trained it out of us. (dont get me started on the school system)...

Im guessing that by being curious, you are open to the story of the other side, which could lead to opportunities...I like that. I find that the otherside must come with vulnerability, and willing to share their side of the story?

So how would you deal with someone who is purposely abusive and manipulative or creating conflict for the sake of conflict?

[Karla]

7 hours ago, Wyze said:

@Karla I agree curiosity is very helpful and school basically trained it out of us. (dont get me started on the school system)...

Im guessing that by being curious, you are open to the story of the other side, which could lead to opportunities...I like that. I find that the otherside must come with vulnerability, and willing to share their side of the story?

So how would you deal with someone who is purposely abusive and manipulative or creating conflict for the sake of conflict?

Depends on your intentions with the individual-- if it is someone you care about and desire to have in your life or a close family member, honesty on your part is helpful.

Share how you see their behavior in an open way-- "from my view, it seems like you are causing conflict intentionally. I don't want to fight."

If it's bad at the root and cannot be solved nor improved, I would exit but you have to decide what's best for you.

Conflict has been an amazing opportunity to learn about myself Wyze.

Consciousness work makes us get real and everything is kinda consciousness work. Even conflict.

[Wyze]

I have thought about what you've wrote, I guess I haven't thought of conflict like that. LOL I had very bad conflict modelling when growing up, and never saw how conflict can be resolved in a healthy way.

[Karla]

On 1/29/2019 at 4:49 AM, Wyze said:

I have thought about what you've wrote, I guess I haven't thought of conflict like that. LOL I had very bad conflict modelling when growing up, and never saw how conflict can be resolved in a healthy way.

@Wyze It's the idea that there is no conflict if only one person is "fighting". 

We're all learning... Practicing isn't always easy for me to be honest lol but we just keep practicing.

Especially if I get really caught up in what's going on.

Yoga teaches non-judgement too, just realized that because I taught yoga this morning he he.

[ajasatya]

On 27/01/2019 at 9:25 PM, Wyze said:

What are the thinking, belief system etc that one should hold when dealing with conflict?

none. conflicts are okay. people get hurt on conflicts because they're too attached to their ideas. it's an impossibility if you're seeking the truth instead of trying to be the right one in order to feed your pride.

those who seek the truth should always doubt even his own ideas. imo, this is a huge leap towards scientific maturity. if you want to show that, say, A is true, then try to prove that A is false until you and everyone else (assuming that you're not alone on this inquiry process) have failed. be honest about it.

Edited January 30, 2019 by ajasatya

[Forestluv]

When conflict arises, my mind wants to frame it as an external problem. That is, the conflict is due to external reasons and if that stuff gets worked out, problem solved.

I’ve found it helpful to look inward and observe the internal conflict dynamic within my mind-body.