Im stuck

[NoSelfSelf]

How can you help yourself when all you see its pointless and want it just to end?

[Sahil Pandit]

@NoSelfSelf  The mind wants to throw a pity party, and you've been invited.

Are you gonna show up??? 

[Tightrope Walker]

Many hows. One possibility is becoming aware of your resistance to what is. Becoming aware of yourself, of the voice inside your head that may not be as real and absolute as you think it is. I came across actualized.org three years ago because of a youtube suggestion called "why am I so depressed?". And Leo just said "because your psychology is SHIT". Trying to turn this psychology into something else is a long, tedious road. To be honest, sometimes I tend to lose patience and see it all pointless and think stuff like "this is never going to change, my psychology is going to be shit forever". What I found has helped me lately is just stop expècting anything. Just keep trying, even if I keep failing. Don't do it just for the reward, do it for the sake of doing it.

I tend to be a pesimist myself, but I try to be more rational and objective. So, one afternoon I ended up thinking "ok, suppose this is gonna be shit till the end of time, if I don't try something, I make absolutely sure this is fact, but if I do try, at least I know I tried. And who knows, maybe I am surprised to see some years later that things have changed in one way or another for the better, even if it's not as my ego expected. 

Hope this helps.

 

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Tightrope Walker thats all nice on paper but actually accepting what is...is hardest part cuz what is is everything is pointless and just work for what?

[Tightrope Walker]

As I said, it is a long, tedious road. Of course it is the hardest part my friend. Work for what? To be happy. Nothing outside of yourself can make you happy. Which is good news. You don't have to change anything outside of yourself. In fact, I don't think you can. But you can actually change things about yourself. About your psychology. And what is the point? Well, you may know what is the point, or you may not know what is the point, but there is most likely a point. In fact, I believe that is one question that hunts us since the begining of mankind. What is the point? Maybe the point is beyond our cognition. For your ego, there is no point. Money, drugs, sex, you can learn how to have all that, and your ego would still not see any point, becoming more and more bored. The point is to be here and now and happy with what is.

Ok, let's get practical, try this: do your best effort to eliminate (even if it is for just one or two seconds) your thoughts. Look around you, but don't think, don't add any story to what you see. If you just forget everything you remember, everything you think you know, every point of view you have about this, every memory from yesterday, or the day before, and just see what is happening right now, even if it is for ONE OR TWO SECONDS... is there anything so fucking wrong right now? Out of your own mind, I mean. 

One last thing: accepting what is, of course it is not some magic solution you're gonna get today. It's like someone's gonna tell you "accept what is", and you're gonna say "omg, you're right" and just like that you become "enlightened" or something. Fuck no. Accepting what is, that shit is gonna take years of practice. Learn how to meditate, keep it a daily habit, and fuck what your mind thinks. Yesterday it thought something else, tomorry's gonna change of point of view again, moods change, everything changes. Reality is still real.

When I'm depressed and see no point, I try to remind myself that I'm being kind of immature and my traumas are resurfacing, yet again, and clouding my mind and my thinking. It's like I'm sick or something. So I just meditate and accept my mood for that day. See it that helps bro, there are many possible solutions, but you have to step out at least a little bit of yourself. 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Tightrope Walker I can shut down my mind completely until there is complete silence then when i try to use my mind its all going down from there...i see that i cant do anything about it and thats more depressing cuz i worked on myself so much and people who didnt have better lifes thats f up...ill have to work improve etc it requers mind and i cant really use it...sometimes i cant even say something or think something its just blank and how you suppose to improve like this?

[ajasatya]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

How can you help yourself when all you see its pointless and want it just to end?

you cannot get out of existence. you are existence itself experiencing what it is like to be conscious of itself.

what's wrong with building your own meaning? isn't that the perfect situation? if JESUS appeared to me and said "ajasatya, the mean of your life is X" i would think "hell no. im gonna do Y!"

having a fundamental meaning attached to life sucks for the human experience.

[Tightrope Walker]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

..then when i try to use my mind its all going down from there.

I believe the key is here. We tend to have like this neurotic need to change something, to try something different, to resist. How but, try to stay in silence more and more, and see what happens, since trying to do something from a sick mind doesn't seem to do the trick, right? Maybe, as an experiment, suspend the necessities of ego for a certain lapse of time , for example, the need to "improve", to put an end to all of this, etc. Try and see what happens, take note.

I believe that, whatever it is, it's never going to end, it doesn't have an end, it's endless, and I can't change that. I probably can change my bitter attitude towards it, though. That alone could make a huge difference. To tell you the truth, for me it's almost three consecutive years trying every-single-day. And I still feel so far from it. It doesn't matter anymore, it's like planting a tree. Maybe you will die before the tree, but there's also other people, our kids, next generation of humans, you know, other people besides oneself. 

Hope this helps my friend, try to relax your mind, you're gonna be OK.

[NoSelfSelf]

@ajasatya thats true

@Tightrope Walker tnx man hardships built us into a better men...