I suck socially

[Empty]

Hi, guys!

 

I have been working on myself for over 3 years now, but I still suck socially!! 

What is the solution? 

[ajasatya]

@Empty there is no other alternative. you have to go towards your fears. find the proper dosage for you and face it everyday. gradual exposure is the best strategy.

[BjarkeT]

What helped me was just to speak what came to mind. 

If you speak what ever come to mind you will find it is much easier to start a conversation with someone else(of course also with taking responsibility for what you are saying)

Edited January 27, 2019 by BjarkeT

[ivory]

I'm currently reading the social skills guidebook. I've enjoyed it so far. You might also find it of value.

[DrewNows]

maybe try to be aware of your focus, if you can, shift it to curiosity. Taking the focus off of ourselves can be a great way to get out of your own head about being socially awkward

[Eric Tarpall]

Accept that you're not social. If you feel like you're forced to talk to people because it's "normal" this will cause anxiety.

[Bluebird]

@Eric Tarpall Has a point.

Love the fact that you suck, then investigate if that belief is actually true or if it is just in fact a belief (a thought).

[Leo Gura]

Sounds like you simply lack experience.

So go get experience.

[Pure Imagination]

Get in touch with that aspect of you that loves and thrives on social interactions. That part must exist if you are interested in becoming more socially adept. If you deeply connect with that aspect of you, you will find that it is effortless to engage in social interactions. The more you do this, the more experience you’ll get with being around people. You’ll be able to prove to yourself more and more that you are a social person.

Also, inquire into that voice that’s telling you that you aren’t socially good enough. That aspect of you is an unintegrated fragment that likely formed after a traumatic experience. Let that aspect know that it is valid for feeling the way it does; it served its purpose of protecting you in the past. But it’s also important to know that you don’t need it anymore and that you can move on!

Lastely, find friends that are completely accepting of you. Don’t settle for people who only love you halfway. If you find that group of friends that you feel 100% comfortable around, it’ll be so much easier to reach out and be more outgoing towards other people.

Good luck

[Solace]

I found out everything I think I don’t have is a belief. If you believe you are socially awkward you will create awkward thoughts and emotions and bodily movements in a social situation. You have the free will to believe whatever you want about yourself. From  my perspective instead of healing one limiting belief, it’s better to heal them all by transcending the mind and remaining in a state of universal love in your meditations upon the heart. This gives you the direct experience that you are perfect, you are love and you are absolutely whole and complete. This purified your limiting beliefs in the quickest and most effective way possible through the experience of your light.

While in social situations you can help this process by saying to your heart, “I am safe right now. I am perfect just the way I am, I don’t need anything to complete me. My awakwardness is perfect. My laugh is perfect. I accept myself. I am a universe of love. I am the creative energy of love creating all of reality. I am the light in the eyes of the people I am looking at. I am safe.” And allow yourself to laugh at your awakwardness. And to make a practice of looking at these people in the eyes to develop a greater connection and intimacy with them. This vulnerability develops connection. 

You can also connect your heart with your eyes and shine it out as you look into their eyes. And you need not say anything. You need to think about what to say. Just speak or just surrender into their eyes.

I honor you no matter what your social skills are. Don’t worry about what people think, what matters is that you tried to connect with them on a deeper level, and you had the courage to be open.

So while I agree with what everyone has said here completely,  there is also another way which compliments the social experience, which is to embrace you, at the deepest level and carry this love wherever you go, with whoever you meet. 

Edited January 28, 2019 by Solace

[Empty]

Thank you all, guys for your advice.   

[thesmileyone]

For me it was self realization. Once I realized that this person I thought I was didn't really exist, all the stuff that made me antisocial ceased to be.

Now I am just awareness that functions in a large thing called an overweight body, yet I don't have any of the preconceptions that stopped me making friends like "im too fat to make friends". Now I can walk into a pub without the anxiety.

The problem is now that I don't really want to! Because I am so happy just being awareness in an empty room!

[Vladimir]

On 1/27/2019 at 7:51 AM, Empty said:

Hi, guys!

 

I have been working on myself for over 3 years now, but I still suck socially!! 

What is the solution? 

I have been dealing with severe social anxiety in the past, the solution is to accept everything that you think "sucks" about your social self, there is literally nothing wrong with you. 

 

Edited February 1, 2019 by Vladimir

[Salvijus]

On 2019-01-27 at 5:51 PM, Empty said:

Hi, guys!

 

I have been working on myself for over 3 years now, but I still suck socially!! 

What is the solution? 

Lol. Been there.

3years of self enquiry. Lots of consciousness increase. But socialy nothing changed at all

Then 1 day of hatha Yoga and everything changed and still changing.

There different practices with different results. Some are to improve yourself others to transform yourself.

You need to transform yourself otherwise nothing is going to change.

[Psychonaut]

I only suck in the bedroom. 

Double meaning is intentional

[pointessa]

On 1/27/2019 at 1:09 PM, DrewNows said:

maybe try to be aware of your focus, if you can, shift it to curiosity. Taking the focus off of ourselves can be a great way to get out of your own head about being socially awkward

Bingo!!!  Most people are absolutely delighted to talk about themselves, if you are willing to ask questions and listen. I have never had this not work, never. I have had people say I am one of their dearest friends and I will chuckle to myself realizing they know very little to nothing about me, but I know a whole heck of a lot about them. Become a good, attentive listener and you will have the world at your fingertips. You may eventually, find out that it's not quite what you thought it would be.

There are very few good, attentive listeners in this world, if you observe when you are in conversation that most people are just waiting to talk again and don't really, actively listen.

[Pras]

I sucked too bro. This might be a cliche answer to you but it is the truth and that is YOU need to put yourself in situations more where you not only interact with people but also learn how they interact ! Just love the process and do it  

This might help 

https://youtu.be/nULSNOCY9QU