Advice on approaching Women

[Orcoda]

So I just turned 29 recently. Anyways I've always been insecure when it came to approaching Women. If I knew them it's easy to talk to them. Plus I knew their interests. However when it's someone new it's a different story. You know nothing about them, what to say or how to even get to know them.

 

So anyways here's my question. Recently I've become way more confident. What's a good way to approach Women you've never met and a good way to start a conversation with them to have a good chance at leaving with their number?

I've been single a long time and I'm ready to get back out there. I'm definitely more of the quiet type in general. Sometimes I do get approached by Woman. 

 

[EvilAngel]

Say whatever comes into your mind, but in a playful manner. That should work.

[Divingdeeper]

can start by saying a joke or funny stuff

[Truth Addict]

Women in general don't focus on the content of what you say in your approach.

Make up a story and go tell it to a girl, she'll listen. And if you give the right vibrations, you'll connect.

Just be comfortable with your body and voice as if you are talking to an old friend.

I once played a dramatic role. I selected a character and built a story to it: I played the angry guy who desperately needed a cigarette. I just walked to her, and asked politely for a cigarette (watched her smoking a minute earlier), and as she was giving me the cigarette, I started to talk spontaneously, I said I had a rough time today and I really need a cigaretee etc..., that instantly got her attention (always speak emotions at first approach), she couldn't help but to feel for my act, she even joked about me stealing her lighter, after that everything worked itself out etc...

Point is:on approach, speak from your heart or act like it. Shut your mind down.

[Juan Cruz Giusto]

Watch some RSD videos on YouTube. Take care not to get to trapped into their way of seeing women and relationships since it's quite dysfunctional. A great book about this is Models from Mark Mason - 10/10 recommend it.

[Mountain-Sage]

Don't make it ''something'' if you know what I mean.

Approach them as if they were friends, part of your tribe, cause ultimately, they are.

I'm not the one good in giving advice in ''getting'' a girl, since that never attracted me, because to me, that is trying to use the woman, but I actually am very good in approaching women, and I think it's because of my vulnerable, light and fun approach, I see the woman as my sister, just like I see men as my brothers. If the woman doesn't want me around, I respect that, and when you can, instead of feeling rejected as tho you ''lost'' something, you radiate a feeling of security that makes the other open more easily. Women can sense that you want to get something out of them, and the stronger this feeling is, the more it stinks to them.

 

So, if you can approach them as much as you can with empty pockets and ready to go away empty pockets, you know that everything you'll get will be genuine and from willingness. Try that!

Another thing, try honesty, honesty is powerful in any situation and circumstances. Men can think that honesty is what will make the woman go away, since they will see what is less beautiful in them, but what they are searching for is that, because someone who can do it, is subconsciously saying to them, ''my degree of honesty is the degree of honesty you'll be able to have while being safe in my presence'', while if you hide everything and try to appear a certain way, she will have to do the same with you, else you are not aligned together.

 

Hope this help; again, I am not a pickup artist, I am a genuine man who is authentic with people hahahaha.

[MIARIVEL]

@Orcoda I do believe internet dating can help as you get to filter out the type of girls you want to get to know and start a conversation without the pressures of being face to face. However, if you see a girl out that catches your attention and you want to approach her, I'll be honest, every girl is different in how the respond to how men approach them. 

Some girls love meeting guys at clubs and bars and someone offering them a drink and then some small talk, other girls like when you introduce yourself and give them a compliment (girls always love compliments), maybe ask the girl if she wants to go for a drink or a coffee, some girls just simply life the way a guy looks, e.g. if you are well dressed or drive a nice car etc. 

Your approach should depend on the the type of girl you want to attract. There is no one way fits all however remember (compliments will usually get you far). 

I used to be a dating coach to help men pick up women and I can surely say, women like that take care of themselves, they look good, healthy, groomed, smell good, can present and speak well (weather you are looking for long term or a night one stand) always best to be your best self and look good. Confidence is absolutely so sexy to a girl as well and don't get caught up if you get rejected a few times (it happens to all of us) but there are always plenty more fish in the sea, practice will make perfect and will help you attract the type of girl you are looking for. 

[Leo Gura]

@Orcoda The most important thing is that you must find a location where there are lots of attractive women. The top locations are: nightclub, bar, daytime cafe, busy sidewalk, mall, crowded restaurant area, college campus, etc. The bigger the city you live in, the better the locations will be. Small city locations suck.

Then it's just a matter of seeing ones you like and doing a direct genuine approach with a light-hearted, positive vibe. My favorite opener is: "Hey, I just saw you walking by and I found you attractive so I decided to come meet you. So here I am."

[Sempiternity]

I've always agreed with most everything Leo has said when giving advice, but gotta disagree here. If you want low-consciousness women, who may be vapid, self-absorbed, money-focused, looks-focused, and everything is all about them, then sure go to bars and nightclubs. And please, please don't just go walking up and hitting on women on the streets or in in cafes. This is bad advice IMO . This has been what women have been trying to tell men forever. Do not just walk up and force your will into a woman's space, uninvited. This happen to them all the firkin time. It's harassment, not romantic. *(see video). Sure, all you're doing is being a nice guy and trying to get to know the girl, to see if there is a spark, but so is every other guy. Women wear headphones as a way of stopping every guy from hitting on her, so she can sit in a café and have some peace. Don't be *that* guy. 

Don't 'hit on' women. Just make friends. Treat everyone around you the same. Show interest in everyone. Listen to them. Be engaged with everyone equally. Not just with the ones you want to have sex with. Women hate being hit on, but hey do like being treated equally. If you are engaging, not focusing all your attention solely on them (which can make some women very uncomfortable), charming, are a good listener, and are showing legitimate interest in them (not just as a possible sex acquisition), they'll most definitely take notice of you. If they are available, and in the space for the possibility, they'll let you know they're interested. Get their contact info (social media, like fakebook, is best to start. Phone number is much too ''guy hitting on her'), to continue to be friends. If they're interested, they'll follow up with wanting to get together in some capacity. Or not, and you have to be ok with that. No attachment. If the friendship progresses into a romance, it will happen thru nature flow. If not, you still have an awesome female friend. It's win win. The key is, let go of expectations, be open, not focused on outcomes. Just focus on being the best you, and you'll have no problem whatsoever in attracting amazing women to you. 
 

 

[Marcell Kovacs]

Take note from this video.

[MM1988]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Orcoda The most important thing is that you must find a location where there are lots of attractive women. The top locations are: nightclub, bar, daytime cafe, busy sidewalk, mall, crowded restaurant area, college campus, etc. The bigger the city you live in, the better the locations will be. Small city locations suck.

Then it's just a matter of seeing ones you like and doing a direct genuine approach with a light-hearted, positive vibe. My favorite opener is: "Hey, I just saw you walking by and I found you attractive so I decided to come meet you. So here I am."

Man I know Im the least experienced with women here but that "I found you attractive" approach is kinda stupid. its like "okay, now what?". On the women this works any other approach would have worked also, thats not proof its a good idea. I think the better approach would be to start some conversation and then end it with can I get your number and bring the I find you attractive line at the end if you really must, but its implied anyway.

 

Edited January 31, 2019 by MM1988

[Cepzeu]

@MM1988 women can sense you beating around the bush almost instantly. Only someone with confidence can honestly open with "I find you attractive" in a non-needy way. You can say anything with confidence and a playful smile and it'll get them attracted. At the same time you can make up any boring conversation and they'll see straight through it.

[Leo Gura]

@Jed Vassallo You've clearly never gamed. Stopping a woman randomly in the daytime with a genuine direct approach makes her day. It makes her feel great.

Imagine how you'd feel if a hot girl approached you at the supermarket and told you that she's attracted to you. You'd feel awesome even if you never took her up on the offer. You'd feel like king for the day.

Go to a mall, stop any random woman and tell her that you just thought she was beautiful, and she will be so happy. Obviously don't lie about it, it must be genuine.

On 1/31/2019 at 10:44 AM, MM1988 said:

Man I know Im the least experienced with women here but that "I found you attractive" approach is kinda stupid. its like "okay, now what?". On the women this works any other approach would have worked also, thats not proof its a good idea.

You've also clearly never gamed.

I didn't say that was the end of the conversation, I said that's the opener. From there you use cheeky conversation to build attraction.

Stopping a woman cold on the street and being genuine with her about your feelings about her is extremely rare. It builds instant attraction and it makes you stand out from everyone else. I am not talking about a pickup line, I am talking about genuinely expressing yourself. This also makes her day. She will feel great the rest of the day even if she declines your offer for a date/coffee/phone number.

The words you say to a woman almost never matter. What matters is how you carry yourself and the tone you take. Most attractive women will have boyfriends, but you'll never know until you try.

Every street approach ends with an invitation to an instant coffee date, and failing that, a phone number.

The biggest issue here is that you don't have the balls or skill to pull off such a direct and genuine approach, nor the skills to carry the conversation, nor the skill to close it.

If you find a woman attractive, hiding your feelings about it to try to weasel your way into her pants is weak. She will smell your manipulations.

Hot women like men who are clear and decisive about what they want. When a woman makes you feel something, you don't hide, you be direct about it, the way a strong man would. That in itself builds massive attraction.

Women only hate being approached when you are being creepy, insecure, or obnoxiously cat-calling her.

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Stopping a woman cold on the street and being genuine with her about your feelings about her is extremely rare. It builds instant attraction and it makes you stand out from everyone else. I am not talking about a pickup line, I am talking about genuinely expressing yourself. This also makes her day. She will feel great the rest of the day even if she declines your offer for a date/coffee/phone number.

This is not a rare thing for men that approach women to do. In my experience, it's a relatively common method of approach. It's a close second to simply engaging in conversation, and not by a very wide margin.

And in truth, if a guy is that straightforward like that, it's a bit boring for my personal taste because the meaning behind the action is what I get a kick out of. And if a guy approaches me in that manner, it shows me that he almost certainly does that with every other woman he sees. So, it loses any meaning because it feels like he's trying to pick the low hanging fruit with me. And since the meaning is the aphrodisiac, it doesn't make me feel anything endearing toward him.

And if I were to get to know him personally, it also destroys any tension of wondering how he feels which isn't 100% necessary but it still creates less of a magnetism and wonder about him as he already started at 11.

So, it probably doesn't flatter as many women as you think it does, unless they're a bit sheltered and really not used to being approached, as this is dime-a-dozen territory. Most women, learn before they're even adults that being complimented by random guys means literally nothing about them as an individual. So, when a guy says, "You are attractive." a woman hears, "Hey. You have a vagina. Would you care for a penis?"

Now, I understand that cold approach is the easiest way to meet potential partners for men because it allows them to cast the net wide and you'll eventually get a yes. So, I understand why cold-approach is popular with men... but to women 99% of the time it's like being approached by a kiosk vender that wants to sell you something.

So, most women find cold approaches to be more of a nuisance and don't really take them seriously unless they're in a singles setting like a club or bar. Do them anyway if it works for you, but don't think you're breaking any molds.  

[now is forever]

the best one i ever got, was in a club - me dancing to the internal universal rhythm of my love for getting lost in music and movement - a guy approaching me, i’m stopping to dance and he: “hey...phonenumber”

what? are you serious?

if you are not able in getting involved into what she is doing, or involve her into what you are involved in - just leave her be. if she’s down or troubled or annoyed a compliment might be the right approach. but having a flirtatious random conversation is already inspiring and a compliment on its own.

and the cutest one, i got recently in a club was a guy who, after a really fun conversation complimented me about my ears, just mentioning them in a by phrase not really to me but to the guy standing next to him. 

Edited February 2, 2019 by now is forever

[MM1988]

@Leo Gura All Im saying is there are some social rules that need to be taken into consideration. Starting with "Hey I found you attractive" might make you stand out but for 99% of guys probably not in a good way. I mean there is a reason most guys dont do that, it gives off a weird vibe. If you dont have the confidence of a rock star girls will just smell it on you that you do this to others or that you are just running some weird social experiments. Most guys simply wont be able sell it in that way that they are hyper confident and just express themselves freely, especially if you are the kind of guy that looks up online how to pick up girls.

I also think there is a good chance a lot of girls dont want that extremely confident and open type of guy but someone who is more down to earth. 

They probably wont shut you down because after all you still approached but you still have to use your inuition about what you can pull off in terms off which social rules to break and which rules not. 

Edited February 2, 2019 by MM1988

[Emerald]

11 hours ago, rounder said:

@Emerald I see where you are coming from. I disagree though. This is what Leo meant by being genuine. If you feel like the guy would do that to every girl, then it's probably not genuine. 

I think its common method of approach like you said, but however its UNCOMMON for them to be genuine. 

He's mad right honestly, but it's not even about getting the girl. That's why it works for him. A lot of the dudes that wish they were genuine about it are just thirsty af

it's hard to see this playing out in your head if you are just reading what he's saying. I really agree with him 10000% though. There's a way to do it and not to do it, and 99% of people are not doing it the genuine way

But Leo was recommending to go up and do cold approaches in that way. To which, I logically assumed the idea was to do that with many women until you get a number or an affirmative answer of some kind. So, from a woman's perspective, it will always feel like scrounging if a guy is that straightforward because you can tell it's a canned pick-up line.

So, this is why it kills the meaning and excitement for me, because I know that he's probably just trying to get whatever he can get and approaching many women. Thus, being approached by a man who starts with "You're attractive, so I wanted to talk to you." is just a really dime-a-dozen kind of approach, because that approach is basic af and leaves nothing to the imagination.

So, it's just pretty obvious when a guy does a cold approach, especially if he comes right in with a compliment, that he probably does that with multiple women. So, I don't really see any way around that factor. I would literally have to unlearn all of my past experiences with guys who do that and the wisdom of knowing they are probably lukewarm about their feelings for me individually, to be remotely receptive to a guy who does that.

But it's not that this is playing out in my head. It's just played out in my life at least 100 times with myself being on the receiving end. So, I'm just saying that it might be effective by the sheer numbers involved... but it's still very basic and boring for most women. And every third approach a woman gets involves a direct statement of "I find you attractive".

[now is forever]

@Emerald maybe it’s some sort of push into the cold water approach...just saying 

[Emerald]

Just now, now is forever said:

@Emerald maybe it’s some sort of push into the cold water approach...just saying 

I don't know if that's the best analogy. A push into cold water would at least be shocking.

But my main point is that it's too common of a method to use to stand out. Paradoxically, subtlety makes you stand out a lot more because most guys who approach are really straightforward.

[now is forever]

@Emerald yes you are right - most girls are too polite...