5-MeO-DMT Medium dose Trip report

[Igor82]

With previous successful experience of plugging 35mg's, I used the same method to now plug 45mg's expecting a medium strength trip. The set and setting were excellent, in a clean room feeling good and ready.

After administration, I laid down comfortably on a prone position on my bed and waited:

• I had some initial fear after administration, but that fear subsided as I calmed down, the stinging in my butt became noticeable but the sensation was mild and very bearable.
• I started getting more aware of my body, and suddenly the stinging in my but got stronger for a couple of seconds, but then it subsided as I surrendered. 
• The awareness gradually grew stronger and larger and with that arose certain sensations in my body, I started feeling more uncomfortable, my heart started beating faster and a lot of bizarre thoughts arose, thoughts of my inner voice screaming very loudly, thoughts of my body being impaled, etc. It felt like these thoughts came up in order to suppress the rising awareness, but as I surrendered into them, the grip of these sensations and thoughts got released and transcended. 
• As the awareness spiked higher, I got aware of my whole body. But it felt like my body was becoming more "insignificant" as the awareness rose higher, almost like the growing awareness was this big field that permeated the sober and ordinary field of bodily awareness resulting in the body feeling smaller and smaller in contrast, almost like it was disappearing and becoming very distant. Because of this my heart started to pound faster and fear started coming up, a tingling sensation of mild terror washed over my back and disturbing thoughts were the only thoughts arising.
• As the awareness grew very large, I got aware of all the significant bodily sensations, of the fear of death, of all the thoughts and I surrendered into all of them and I didn't cling to anything.
• I surrendered all my worries of "my body not being safe" or "im too cold" or "my arms are falling asleep", as I kept surrendering, these thoughts became more and more distant and the body got further and further away as awareness kind of "took over", and this awareness felt pleasant, and every time I surrendered into a thought or a sensation, It felt like I transcended it, and trough this came a sense of joy and liberation and of being safe.
• As I intuited that the awareness was not getting any deeper, I chose to open my eyes and see how much time has passed since administration... 18 minutes, so I closed my eyes again and surrendered into more and more thoughts, I surrendered every sensation, everything that was thrown at me. 
• At some point, I tried to do self-inquiry and there was nothing there! If I looked inwards there would just be the external reality there, nothing else, almost like I looked in and out at the same time. I tried doing the concentration technique that you do in Kriya, and instead of struggling to get aware of Medulla and Brumadhya at the same time like I would do when sober, now I could see Medulla, the third eye, what my eyes saw, all my bodily sensations and all the thoughts that arose all at once!
• I opened my eyes several times to check the time, and it went by very slowly, I had no choice but to keep surrendering into the awareness. If I would give in to the thoughts and sensation then I would suffer deeply, as the obvious purpose of the thoughts was for "me" to survive because they were very urgent and they depicted my old tempting habits, and if I would cling to and obey these thoughts then I would go full panic mode, as that was what the thoughts were pointing to at that point.
• At one point in the 30-minute mark, I started to shake my body, and it felt like it was shaking itself. first my right arm and then the left and then my legs. Doing this was actually very pleasant., and I got this urge to go into symmetry with my body, and while doing that the shaking became very enjoyable. I did this for about 2 minutes.
• After that, I spent 10 minutes lying down just staring at the beauty of what I saw; as I laid on the right side of my face it applied pressure to my closed right eye while my left eye was open, and this made the patterns that arose in the closed right eye apply to what I saw with my left eye (which was open), and I found it to be very beautiful (You can try this yourself)
• At the 45 minute mark, body load started to fade away and I slowly regained my energy, so I cleaned up the mess and filmed a short video to conclude the trip experience. The awareness was still there.

Insights:

• I could have either clung to the thoughts and go full panic mode or I could just have surrendered. Let's say that a thought arises saying that I won't be able to experience the joy of passion ever again! Then I can either say "NOOO, I WANT TO LIVE!!!" thus cling to the thought of wanting to live because you want to experience the joy of passion, or you can let go of the thought, which entails that you accept that you won't experience the joy of passion ever again.  The key in order to surrender is that you got to be able to surrender into any sensation and any thought, mainly the thoughts! As awareness grows, really, any sensation becomes bearable, but what makes it unbearable is if you cling to the thoughts that come up. What really helped me to surrender into the thoughts that came up was that I was ready to die and go beyond death: I didn't really care!
• Awareness is unimaginable. You can never relate to awareness trough thoughts, only through action. Thoughts are there to suppress awareness, thus they can never make you more aware! That is why you can't relate to "higher awareness experiences" because you're either aware or your not. Now after the trip, I can't really relate the actuality reality of the trip, but I do remember how it felt. And all of those memories create a model of "kind of how it was based on the sensations and thoughts I had at that moment" but the thing that's midding from those memories is awareness! These models consisting of thoughts depicting certain thoughts and emotions can never depict awareness itself because awareness is prior to all thoughts! Awareness is not a specific thing.  
• In the awareness, I was left with this feeling of deep but mild joy and peace, almost like that peace was the awareness itself, and in those emotional terms awareness itself would equate to love and bliss! I guess that these emotions are always inside of us, but we just gotta get aware of them, and what makes us unaware of them is all the thoughts. Letting go of desire makes you happy.
• When I went on the comedown to play on my piano with the intent to express the joy of awareness through my improvisation, I actually couldn't press the first key, because the purpose of pressing that key would be to encapsulate what I wanted to express into a certain sound, but awareness couldn't be encapsulated! Anything I would play felt invalid as there would be no way for me to express awareness through the piano! 
  • Turquoise music is either silence or music that raises your awareness and consciousness.

Aftermath:

• I felt very calm during the comedown of the experience, and I did contemplate going for a breakthrough dose right there, but that thought was just as compelling as the other thought of prolonging the breakthrough and instead integrate the experience. Both of the thoughts came from the same place. I ended up choosing not to go for a breakthrough dose at that moment, instead, I sat there marveling at how beautiful reality was! When you let go of all your desires, action steps and thoughts (because of the rise in awareness), then you can let yourself become aware of the beauty of reality!
• These insights are very valuable and I will try to integrate them as much as possible.

Next time I will administer 55mg's the same way in the same set and setting.

 

[Leo Gura]

Good, you're getting closer. Still not there yet. But these mild trips are all necessary stepping-stones to the final mindfuck. You are doing great.

[Forestluv]

Nice work. Thanks for the report. 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Igor82 said:

That is why you can't relate to "higher awareness experiences" because you're either aware or your not

That’s priceless clarity. Great report, thank you for sharing!                                                

[Anton Rogachevski]

Amazing level of description, I almost had a shift just from reading it. The crazy thoughts part sounded quite horrible, how could you withstand it? Is this happening to every tripper?

Thank you for sharing dear fellow!

Cheers.

[Forestluv]

13 minutes ago, Anton Rogachevski said:

The crazy thoughts part sounded quite horrible, how could you withstand it? Is this happening to every tripper?

A feature of psychedelics is that distinctions collapse. So language, images and meaning break down. A mind can go into various nonlinear, nonverbal realms. It’s only horrible when the ego resists and won’t surrender. 

[Nahm]

@Anton Rogachevski A solid foundation from meditation is helpful there. Still rough, but it helps. 

[Igor82]

Thank you all for the replies! 

 

@Anton Rogachevski The thoughts are only disturbing when you are unaware that they are just thoughts.

Once I had a disturbing thought when working in my cleaning job whilst listening to one of Leos videos, and it was a thought of Leo just utterly screaming after his intro finishes playing. It was dark outside and I was alone in the office were I was cleaning. It was quite disturbing, but in that moment I let that thought play out which then spawned a certain emotion in me, and soon enough my reality became quite frightening.

The key is to observe the thought from a point of awareness instead of engaging in the thought pattern (unaware that its just a thought). Thats why meditation helps, it helps you recognize the thoughts for what they are, and as soon as you do that you are safe. The 5-MeO spawns alot of awareness, and at that point you can either engage in the disturbing thoughts (because you want to survive) and if you do that you will obviously deeply suffer, or you can surrender all the thoughts and observe them with awareness, but are you ready to surrender your life? If a thought comes up along with some terror and says “IM DYING FOR REAL, I HAVE POISONED MYSELF, FUCK, NOOO!!”... Will you surrender or will you cling to dear life?

The awareness makes it easier to surrender only if you're ready to die, but if you dont want to die, then you will suffer immensly. At the peak, I didnt really care if it would have been cyanide I plugged, it would be more like “Oh well, I did my best fulfilling my purpose in this life, if I die, its perfectly fine, its alright”. A curiosity for whats beyond death is also very helpful.

@DrMobius I snorted 10mg’s of this batch as my first trip, and it proved to be successful as a 10mg dose. I find that I have to plug alot more than that to get the same effects and I dont really know why. The substance is supposed to be 97% pure.

[Forestluv]

@Igor82 I’d be cautious with these dose levels if you get another batch. 

[Charlotte]

@Igor82 Thanks so much for this report. Great read ❤️